Would you be pissed off?

[Ionasmum19]

So my partner has been at his brother and SILs all day, leaving me and our dd at home, which is fine. However, he has just come in and I have told him his dinner is in the microwave (made a roast) and he is telling me they all went out to eat. Am I right to be pissed off by this? Surely it would have been decent to let me know? 🙄

@Ionasmum19 what does bother me is that he just expects it to happen, like he knows if he goes out I will be here, but if I am going anywhere, for example I had a hair appointment yesterday morning, I have to double check with him that he will be here and its OK that I go, if that makes any sense?

No, to be honest it doesn't make sense that if he goes out it's ok, but you have to double-check if it's ok for you to go to the hairdresser - but I think you know that already?

The Womens Aid website has lots of information to help you x

I would say not telling you about having had dinner is not your problem here. Your husband is the problem. He expects you to jump up and start cooking if he says he's hungry? And he calls you names and you are walking on egg shells because you don't know which mood he's on. Why don't you think you deserve to be treated w respect ?

I strongly advice you to talk to your GP and get a referral for counseling cause he will take away your self-esteem bit by bit until there is nothing left. And with your daughter as a witness. Is this how you want your daughter to think of a normal relationship? Cause Ive seen it before ; mothers in domestic abuse situations and their daughters getting in to the same type of relationship. Or their sons degrading their wiwes cause that's the normal they grew up with. Please talk to your GP who can guide you to ressources in your area. This is not acceptable and nobody should be treated like this. Sending courage and hugs ❤️

Op it sounds like you have a very hard life. I am sorry for that.

What does your husband bring to your life? What happiness do you get from him?

A child with additional needs will obviously bring hardship to a relationship but it sounds like he just checks out and he really doesn't seem to give you the love and respect that you deserve. You should be equal partners in life. If he isn't helping, he is hindering. Would you consider leaving him for your and your daughters happiness? It's no life for a child to grow up in when a parent abuses another parent. It can cause untold damage to children and they often repeat the cycle with their partners. Would you be happy for your daughter to be in a relationship like yours?

Given that he still wouldn't have been eating with you and DD even if he hadn't gone out to eat with his brother, why didn't you just make something quick and easy anyway? If you and DD are happy not to have a Sunday roast, why make one solely so DH can microwave it when he gets home?

Next time, just make whatever you want for you and DD and agree in advance with DH that he can sort out his own tea. Then it won't matter whether he eats out with his brother or not and this sort of misunderstanding can be avoided.

OK, so your follow-up messages are quite the drip-feed.

This really isn't about the roast dinner. Don't focus on that. Focus on the fact that your husband is a nasty piece of work who treats you like his servant. His family are rude and disrespectful of you and he makes no effort to parent his own daughter.

Your husband orders you around, expects you to ask permission to go and get your hair cut, calls you names and doesn't stand up for you when his family deliberately exclude you.

A lot of the issues are relating to our daughters disabilities, he finds it hard to deal with.

No, a lot of the issues are relating to the fact that he's a piece of shit. Of course it's hard to support a child with disabilities, but a) that is part of being a parent and it is literally his job to deal with this stuff and b) that doesn't explain why he shouts at you and calls you lazy if you don't jump up to cook his dinner.

Please wake up, OP. He's abusive and controlling and a shit parent.

Just pop it in the fridge or freezer and enjoy it at a later time.