My birthday

[Southerngirl789]

So to set the scene I have just organised a family holiday for four of us and planned and booked everything to hopefully make it a great holiday. My birthday was due so I planned to come back the day before so the holiday was not about my birthday. I'm not too bothered about expensive gifts or being made a massive fuss of just want to feel appreciated. We got back in early hours of my birthday. We all had a lie in. My partner was offering to go to the shop when we woke up (unusual) and I twigged he hadn't got any cards. I said if he was going shopping for cards on my birthday at 12pm it was a little late and not to bother. Some delivery flowers turned up later (I'm not into flowers which I've told him many times before would rather have a bottle of wine I like). We usually go out for tea or get a takeaway when it is one of our birthdays. There was no suggestion of doing this and the boys went off to cricket training for the night. I was really upset that my partner didn't preplan cards before we all went away (he had plenty of time as doesn't work due to poor health). Am I being unreasonable to be upset? All I wanted was a card and maybe the suggestion of tea out as a treat as im the one that cooks (I would normally pay for tea out so not about the cash)

Yes you are being precious, he was about to go and get you a card but you threw a strop and told him not to bother.

Oh my! Another moan about a birthday!

Meal out straight after a holiday!?

You sound a nightmare and I love my birthday you didn't want your holiday to interrupt your birthday is what you mean not the other way around, your poor husband being scolded because he hadn't bought a card a fortnight ago!

You sound very precious

You’re being totally unreasonable
flowers - ordered in advance
hes been ill, so went to get a card but you turned it down
unless there’s a huge back story I think you’re being a bit OTT

I think you’re BU considering it’s right on the tail end of a holiday. It wouldn’t have bothered me if he’d then popped out today to grab bits for it. I think you give men too much credit to have pre planned that before a holiday 🤣
Happy Birthday!

Also why didn’t you celebrate your birthday on holiday or extend it? If we’d just had a holiday with all the associated expense and treats I don’t think id moan about not having another take out or meal out

This you could have had a meal out on holiday to celebrate.

Did you want them to miss cricket training after a week away?

I'm with everyone else (in the comments).

I wouldn't want to go out for a meal on the day/ day after I got back from holiday.
I wouldn't want my dc to miss out on a 2nd week of cricket practice.

Plus, he was going to get you a card and you told him not to.

Oh no he got you flowers how inconsiderate! He probably ordered them on.holiday he might have got you wine if you "allowed" him to go to the shops.

I’m with you OP.

It would appear I'm not in the majority here, but I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's not about receiving gifts/cards, or having a meal, it's about the lack of thought. Nobody thought, "it's OP's birthday after the holiday, I'll get a card and put it to one side." And, the one thing you did get, you've said in the past you don't like. I wouldn't buy someone something I've been told they don't like. Again, it's the lack of thought! I assume you take on the mental load for their birthdays and plan for them, and just want the same courtesy from them on yours.
Happy birthday OP.

You are going to get lots of different views here. I used to be into birthdays in a ‘minor’ way but my OH does not do birthdays at all so I had a decision to make;

1. Break up with him

2. accept his very substandard birthday efforts

3. moan about it every year.

I chose option 2 bevcause I love him and he’s unbelievably kind, supportive and generous in every other way I can imagine.m outside of birthday celebrations.

i have a cousin who takes a different stance which is to prescribe exactly what she wants from her OH… that works too.

edit to add - I think other posters are being quite mean. I do see where you are coming from, I’ve just decided to de-prioritise birthdays in favour of an otherwise very good relationship.

YANBU. He was thoughtless. It doesn't take much effort to buy/order a birthday card before the actual birthday. Also, ordering a gift that you've told him you don't like, equals zero effort on his part.

You had a holiday! What kind of adult even bothers about their birthday? Very odd.

It's mumsnet, you aren't allowed to have a nice birthday where anybody does anything for you. Apparently that is being precious /high maintenance, and grabby. You must set the bar very low and just be grateful that you have a dh and kids. Same goes for mothers day and Christmas.

Meanwhile in the real world......

@BeaRF75 here on mumsnet some women are very v precious about their birthdays.

Here on mumsnet some people are vile about birthdays. YANBU, OP

Totally this. I'm sorry you were upset on your birthday.

So, your partner doesn’t work but you do all the cooking? Birthday cards are the least of your worries here.

YANBU. It’s nice to celebrate the day a person one loves was born.

Wow, some of these early comments are awful!
I'm totally with you. He should have got you cards and a nice bottle of wine before he went on the holiday that you took care to plan, I'd have also told him not to bother with the last minute dash to the shops.

Yes. Yes people do go out for meals straight after a holiday.

Ach come on, you'd just got back from holiday...he wanted to go and get a card but you sulked he hadn't already got one. Where was he meant to buy one? On the plane?
I'm always shattered and useless when I get back from anywhere. Normal service resumes in a couple of days.