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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My birthday

43 replies

Southerngirl789 · 02/06/2024 18:21

So to set the scene I have just organised a family holiday for four of us and planned and booked everything to hopefully make it a great holiday. My birthday was due so I planned to come back the day before so the holiday was not about my birthday. I'm not too bothered about expensive gifts or being made a massive fuss of just want to feel appreciated. We got back in early hours of my birthday. We all had a lie in. My partner was offering to go to the shop when we woke up (unusual) and I twigged he hadn't got any cards. I said if he was going shopping for cards on my birthday at 12pm it was a little late and not to bother. Some delivery flowers turned up later (I'm not into flowers which I've told him many times before would rather have a bottle of wine I like). We usually go out for tea or get a takeaway when it is one of our birthdays. There was no suggestion of doing this and the boys went off to cricket training for the night. I was really upset that my partner didn't preplan cards before we all went away (he had plenty of time as doesn't work due to poor health). Am I being unreasonable to be upset? All I wanted was a card and maybe the suggestion of tea out as a treat as im the one that cooks (I would normally pay for tea out so not about the cash)

OP posts:
FauxIgnorance · 02/06/2024 19:04

OP he should have planned something before he left. We love birthdays in our house. Adults too which is frowned on here ;-) If he knew it was important to you, he should have made more effort. There is nothing wrong with wanting a special birthday. MN has a far lower bar for birthday expectations than anyone I know IRL.

Happy birthday!

FauxIgnorance · 02/06/2024 19:05

pictoosh · 02/06/2024 19:03

Ach come on, you'd just got back from holiday...he wanted to go and get a card but you sulked he hadn't already got one. Where was he meant to buy one? On the plane?
I'm always shattered and useless when I get back from anywhere. Normal service resumes in a couple of days.

He could have bought a card before. A birthday is hardly an unexpected shock.

pictoosh · 02/06/2024 19:07

Yeah he could have planned the card weeks in advance...but he didn't. So there we have it.

BobbyBiscuits · 02/06/2024 19:08

It's majorly unfair of you to disallow him to go and buy your cards!?
Plus why did he need your permission to go to the shop? He seemed to think he did, asked you and was denied. Then you complain you have no cards? That is unreasonable.

The thing about no takeaway, I'm not sure why it wasn't suggested. But if I were you I'd have just been 'right folks, I'm ordering X food for bday takeaway, you should all look at the menu now cos I'm not sharing mine' in a light-hearted way.

I feel bad for you being annoyed and unhappy on your bday though. Noone should have to feel like that.

OhHelloMiss · 02/06/2024 19:10

Cards plural?

Mrsjayy · 02/06/2024 19:14

OhHelloMiss · 02/06/2024 19:10

Cards plural?

I'm assuming from the children.

CatamaranViper · 02/06/2024 19:17

OP I'm with you. Your birthday wasn't new information for him, he knew it was coming, knew it was the day after the hol so he should have bought a card and gift before hand and had them ready.
He did, he fucked up, but he should have been trying to make it up to you throughout the day.
I don't think the kids should have missed cricket but they definitely should have made a bit of a fuss of you. Cup of tea and toast in bed, your fav wine and movie, it doesn't take much to.

setmestraightplease · 02/06/2024 19:24

@Southerngirl789 We all want to be appreciated but this sounds like a 'test' to see if your husband would reciprocate the effort you'd put into the holiday?

(if so, and he didn't respond the way you wanted, you have a relationship problem and not just a 'birthday' problem)

Alwaystired23 · 02/06/2024 19:38

CottonPyjamas · 02/06/2024 18:47

It would appear I'm not in the majority here, but I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's not about receiving gifts/cards, or having a meal, it's about the lack of thought. Nobody thought, "it's OP's birthday after the holiday, I'll get a card and put it to one side." And, the one thing you did get, you've said in the past you don't like. I wouldn't buy someone something I've been told they don't like. Again, it's the lack of thought! I assume you take on the mental load for their birthdays and plan for them, and just want the same courtesy from them on yours.
Happy birthday OP.

Yes, I agree. It's a lack of thought. OP partner was well enough to go on holiday, so he should have been able to get a card or even order one prior to the day. Again, flowers, lack of thought, and who wants to come.iff holiday to cook? I would have expected a takeaway at the very least.

Rubbishconfession · 02/06/2024 19:46

YANBU. Do not nothing for their birthdays in future.

neilyoungismyhero · 02/06/2024 19:49

He doesn't work.he's home all day...how hard is it to sort a card out from one of the card sellers online plus get a nice bottle of something delivered with it..5 minutes max it would have taken him.. I agree with you OP pretty poor show.

Chanelbasketballandchain · 02/06/2024 19:51

I've very big on birthday! Especially mine. I'd go out for an entire week to celebrate if I could frankly.

That being said, you sound ridiculous.
I planned to come back the day before so the holiday was not about my birthday.
How on earth a birthday meal wherever you were could have turned the entire holiday about it? What a waste of a special occasion.

cards on my birthday at 12pm it was a little late and not to bother.
Unless you are 5 years old, even 8pm wouldn't be too late.

Some delivery flowers turned up later
and you complained.

If you have such strict ideas about the only way you can possibly tolerate the celebration for your birthday, and are rude about every other efforts, write down your instructions.

thistimelastweek · 02/06/2024 19:53

pictoosh · 02/06/2024 19:07

Yeah he could have planned the card weeks in advance...but he didn't. So there we have it.

Couldn't have said it better

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 02/06/2024 19:58

It was my birthday on the last day of our holiday, I got up to cards and presents which had been smuggled with us, we got home in the early hours of the morning Saturday, my favourite flowers were delivered in the afternoon and DH had booked somewhere for lunch today as he knew we would likely all be too tired after arriving home early hours of yesterday morning to go out yesterday. We also had a nice evening planned on my actual birthday while we were away (although that event was more about ds than my birthday)
The thought and preparation meant more than the gifts themselves.

Chickenuggetsticks · 02/06/2024 19:58

If it was the day after a holiday I would expect to be left in peace to have a shower, do minimal unpacking, then a takeaway with a nice glass of wine fetched for me. So I don’t think you are being totally unreasonable. I don’t much care for cards though so that wouldn’t bother me at all but Dh would have made sure Dd made one for me (she’s an enthusiastic maker of cards). He would probably have bought me a gift as well.

I consider myself to be quite low maintenance though, not too fussed about birthdays but it’s nice to have a small acknowledgement.

NewName24 · 02/06/2024 21:02

MissyB1 · 02/06/2024 18:52

It's mumsnet, you aren't allowed to have a nice birthday where anybody does anything for you. Apparently that is being precious /high maintenance, and grabby. You must set the bar very low and just be grateful that you have a dh and kids. Same goes for mothers day and Christmas.

Meanwhile in the real world......

Not at all.

I love celebrating my birthday.
Which is why I wouldn't attempt to do it on the day we got back from holiday.
I would arrange to go out the following weekend, so it felt like a special birthday meal.

NewName24 · 02/06/2024 21:03

Chanelbasketballandchain · 02/06/2024 19:51

I've very big on birthday! Especially mine. I'd go out for an entire week to celebrate if I could frankly.

That being said, you sound ridiculous.
I planned to come back the day before so the holiday was not about my birthday.
How on earth a birthday meal wherever you were could have turned the entire holiday about it? What a waste of a special occasion.

cards on my birthday at 12pm it was a little late and not to bother.
Unless you are 5 years old, even 8pm wouldn't be too late.

Some delivery flowers turned up later
and you complained.

If you have such strict ideas about the only way you can possibly tolerate the celebration for your birthday, and are rude about every other efforts, write down your instructions.

All of this

Cas112 · 02/06/2024 21:28

Yes, you do sound precious. You've literally just got back from holiday with absolutely no time for them to sort anything Confused

And I would also be to busy preparing for the holiday before we went to prepare for someone's birthday the same day we land back

If it's not like this any other birthday then stop complaining

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