Paying for own coffee when out

[Fortunefavours1]

A friend and I meet weekly for walks and take turns to pay for our coffee and pastries. Hers are always a lot more expensive than mine and sometimes i bring my own hot drink so am paying for my pastry and her coffee and pastry too. Prices have gone up and it does add up over the month. I've found I'm turning down walks at times because of this and making excuses not to meet. I'm thinking of saying at the next walk, 'do you mind if we pay for our own, because I am watching my budget?' or is there a better way to word this?

’I’ll just get my pastry today as I’m not having a coffee’

So you have a cup of tea while she orders a pumpkin spice frappa whatever.

Just say next walk you are bringing drinks and a snack, she can either bring or buy the next lot.

To add, this arrangement has been going on for a few years so I would like to give friend a bit of a heads up before we get to the cafe

Friend is not a cheeky pisstaker and is always generous in other ways but is better off than me so do want to word it right

I would just tell her in advance your trying not to buy so many drink out now for bank balance and environment. So from now will bring own drink

talk to her.
if she's a friend she will understand.

It's fine, just say you're needing to budget more, so let's just pay for our own tab.

Just mention the bank balance. Environment could sound like you are being critical of her if she is buying coffee

probably easier if you don’t get anything for the next couple of times - bring own hot drink and don’t have a pastry: then she’ll naturally have to get her own.

For a friend I see regularly, especially when the weather's good, I'd be frank and say the coffee and cake habit is too costly and can we take a flask this time.

I used to do regular bike rides with friends, with a lunch stop, until I noticed one would only order a cuppa and take sandwiches to eat later. Once we realised she was doing it to save money, we all did the same and were glad to save money too

I would just be honest you're on a stricter budget now and are cutting back from buying snacks out so will be bringing your own in future. She's your friend she'll understand

I would suggest just meeting at the park and bringing your own stuff so she can make arrangements to go to the coffee shop en route or before you meet up

I’m surprised your friend is letting you pay if you are bringing your own hot drink to a cafe. To me that would signify you can’t afford the outing

"Diane, I'm on a budget now and I'm going to pay for my own food or drink from now on or bring my own stuff from home."

That's all you need to say.

I'd hope my friend would just say money is a bit tight at the moment so can and want to meet up but can't do the coffee stops for a while, but your happy to bring your own if she still wants to grab something for herself

Explain to your friend and say is it OK if she pays for her orders and you pay for yours

I'm sure she'll be fine with it

Has she not noticed that her order is more expensive than yours? That's shows a lack of insight. I always avoid such arrangements for this exact issue. Unless it's the same price, there is simply no reason why each person can't pay their own. In this case, it is best to be honest and say that you are being mindful of expenses and would prefer if you paid separately. If she is genuinely your friend, then there should be no problem.

We always have pastries too, so I'm not paying just for hers.

I know, but she shouldn’t be enforcing a system of ‘taking turns’ when you can’t pay for a hot drink

someone bringing a flask to a coffee shop is a pretty big signal they are on a budget, but your friend isn’t getting this and is happy to order a mocha choca Frappuccino or whatever it is when it’s ’your turn’

i would be mortified to let my friend sit there with a thermos when she’s bought my pastry and coffee. I would be buying the coffee each time for us both so we could enjoy a nice outing

your friend is rude and socially inept

meet on neutral ground and start both sorting yourselves out because she is taking the piss

Break the habit by taking your own drink and a snack for a few weeks saying you need to cut back.

This exact same problem was posted a couple of months ago.

I think the wording you suggested in your OP would be fine. I've had friends say similar to me, and not minded.

If you don’t want to put it like your short of money or want to talk about environmental impact etc just say you have been looking at how your spending and your not happy with your pattern of luxury or unnecessary spending so I’m trying to be mindful and cut back a bit , you’ll have noticed I sometimes bring my own drink now that’s part of it. so I think we just get our own from now on.

if she’s not happy, then you’ll just have to have an uncomfortable conversation with her but hopefully she’ll be ok because a friend wouldn’t make you feel bad for this perfectly reasonable request.

let us know how you get on and enjoy your next walk @Fortunefavours1

Lots of really good advice here. Just try not to over think it. It is perfectly OK to say you are trying to save a bit and is it OK if you just pay for your own drinks etc. You could always offer to bake a cake and take it in turns to provide the cake?

I think it's fine to say you'd rather just pay for your own.

I don't think you need to tell her in advance unless it's your turn to pay.

As PPs have said you could suggest something else such as a walk or meet in the park. It's a bit cheeky of her to expect you to pay when you're taking your own but also think it's odd of you to take coffee to a coffee shop.

I have this sort of arrangement with some friends and honestly I would prefer to pay for myself as for example at lunch they often have a coffee as well whereas I most often drink water.

It started off with both us getting hot drinks and pastries so was more equal between us. Then the quality of their teas started to go down and I couldn't stomach it any more and started bringing my own in a flask.

She's a really good friend, very generous with time, looking up bits of information, has lent me expensive bits of equipment. Offered to come to appointments with me. I once gave her some old bits and she insisted on paying me. I think sometimes people don't realise.

Thanks all, much good advice here. I will speak to her and let you all know how I get on. and good tip not to overthink which i do tend to do!