Paying for own coffee when out

[Fortunefavours1]

A friend and I meet weekly for walks and take turns to pay for our coffee and pastries. Hers are always a lot more expensive than mine and sometimes i bring my own hot drink so am paying for my pastry and her coffee and pastry too. Prices have gone up and it does add up over the month. I've found I'm turning down walks at times because of this and making excuses not to meet. I'm thinking of saying at the next walk, 'do you mind if we pay for our own, because I am watching my budget?' or is there a better way to word this?

This is good to know. I think decent friends wouldn't mind.

I had similar with a friend - we meet up one evening a month for drinks at the local pub. I drive as don’t like drinking on a school night, so I pick her up, and we then buy in rounds, but she has a large wine and I have a tonic water. Tbh this was going on for years, but then I started to get annoyed about it. I didn’t give her a heads up as didn’t want to make it into a big issue, so just said to her on a night out that I had downloaded a budget app and was trialing it for a month to see how I could cut costs, so wanted to just buy my own drink going forward. I got the feeling she wasn’t really happy about it, but we did it, and then just carried on after the month’s trial. Can’t understand why I didn’t do it sooner…

@Livelovebehappy I can't help but think anyone who isn't happy is expecting you to fund them in some way. If you were driving and drinking non alcoholic drinks she should have offered to get you a drink anyway for driving!

It's silly to miss out on meeting her over such a small issue.

Just say 'can we each buy our own treats for the walks. It just keeps things simpler, since sometimes I fancy something and at other times I don't.'

Just be honest. I'm not buying their drinks anymore so shall be just each pay for our own?

I used to have a similar arrangement with a friend. We’d go for lunch once a week on my day off. We took turns paying.

I’d order the veggie option and a glass of tap water (about £12)
she would have an orange juice to start, a main meal that was always pricier than mine, she loved squid (I don’t eat fish so couldn’t share) so she’d also have a side of that and a Diet Coke half way through her meal. Hers usually came to around £30- sometimes more.

I’ve stopped going as I can’t afford it, it’s a shame as I miss seeing her as much and the lunches. I was never brave enough to mention it and don’t think it ever crossed her mind that we were just having whatever we each fancied.

@Chocolateroulade I don't believe she couldn't have known but if it was that then surely you could have suggested paying for your own as you were watching the pennies. I know it's easy to say that on Mumsnet and different in real life though!

There's a lot of people who think that, if they 'take turns' or 'just split it', that it all evens out in the end, when rarely it does because most people are creatures of habit and will always order a similar amount/type of food and drink, or don't suddenly change from being a bit skint to so comfortable they're able to overlook the fact that their friends order always costs 2/3 times what theirs does.

OP YANBU, or if you always order one thing, and your friend orders 2, she should pay twice out of every three times to your one, or you just pay for your own like you've suggested.

This

Just be honest, hi jenn going forward I'll have to just bring a flask and treat as the coffee shop treats are becoming too much for my bank balance.

Pay for it and then say it's the last time you pay

I think you're right @Bjorkdidit I have friends I usually split with and we do order the same but I have also had friends who always order the more expensive dishes and wine and it's just not fair.

I know. She's a very longstanding friend, and it's just over the last few years I've noticed things like this creeping in. Maybe I kind of accepted her warts and all in the past but as ive got past 50 I'm just getting less tolerant.