To think I’m not becoming an alcoholic

[Scarysnakes]

As DH seems to think so. I don’t drink everyday. In fact there’s been times I’ve gone months without a drop. If someone said to me “you can never drink alcohol again” I wouldn’t be bothered (ok maybe a little) I tend to only drink in social occasions which isn’t very regularly anyway.

The only reason he thinks this is because whenever things get a bit stressful I tend to turn to a drink and then once I start I find it hard to stop. Last weekend I was so stressed I had a few drinks at home then was sad I had no more in the house so I went to the shop and bought more. I don’t think this is a problem I am just letting my hair down once in a while.

My brother is a functioning alcoholic so I don’t think this helps DH thinking pattern

You're in danger of developing a dependency. I think your husband is understandably concerned.

Depends if you can’t stop every single time you drink and what level of drunk you get to, on just your description I’d say no but it depends whether that was, finished the wine so got one more bottle or finished 4 bottles so bought a bottle of vodka and polished that off too (obvs exaggerating!!).

Impossible to really say without more info.

Not yet, but I think your current relationship with alcohol makes you potentially vulnerable to becoming one, I’d look for other ways to cope with stress, and make it a household rule that when there is no more drink in the house the drinking has finished. Get used to managing that feeling.

How much are you drinking and how often? You’ve kept that bit rather vague!

well.... you are describing a kind of emotional dependency.

Do you put yourself, property or others at risk when you binge drink?

Whenever things get a bit stressful I tend to turn to a drink and then once I start I find it hard to stop. Last weekend I was so stressed I had a few drinks at home then was sad I had no more in the house so I went to the shop and bought more

Red flag. Coupled with your family history around alcohol, I can see why your DH is worried. I'd try and take on board his concerns.

I think that finding it hard to stop once you've started is a cause for concern - it suggests a vulnerability, not that you are an alcoholic. I'd be cautious, and avoid alcohol as a stress buster.

Not alcoholic but slippery slope.
I can be the same when in a depressed state, easier to drink too much than deal with the root cause. I've also done years tee-total, doesn't mean you are not vulnerable to developing a problem.

You have a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. Your family is impacted already so this raises your risk.

I really think you need to engage with some support because life is stressful and adding in alcoholism won't make life easier.

I would want my partner to want to give up drink in your situation.

It sounds like alcohol abuse rather than alcohol dependency, though both come under the umbrella of alcoholism.

if it’s causing concern then you need to take that seriously.

Being an alcoholic is not about the volume you drink or even how often, it's about why you drink. Using alcohol to destress is how many become alcoholics. But you've recognised that you do that, so take steps to avoid doing so in future. Maybe go for a walk or to the gym instead. It might sound ridiculous when you don't yet have a major problem, but if you don't do something, it could be a slippery slope.
Also, remember your relationship with alcohol will be slightly skewed because you have a close family member who has a drink problem. You already know too much to pretend to yourself that you don't know what it can do to a person.

When someone else (that you trust and respect) flags an issue with your alcohol consumption, listen to them.

It's not a healthy coping mechanism. What happens in periods of long term stress?

I think your husband is right to be concerned. You're using alcohol as a coping mechanism - that is a huge red flag. You can't stop when you start and you need to go and get more - another flag. You have a family history of alcohol dependency.

You are at very high risk of becoming fully alcohol dependent, and you need to seek support to develop better coping mechanisms.

Sounds like you're a bit of a binge drinker which can be just as harmful as drinking regularly. Do you ever blackout? I don't think you have a huge issue but it's good you're recognising you struggle to stop once you've started. Maybe try putting in some measures to help not drink as much when you do, alternating soft and alcoholic drinks, sticking to a certain amount, pacing yourself a bit, eating beforehand etc

I don't think you're an alcoholic but you're using it a prop. If my DH started drinking when he was stressed - then felt the need to go out and buy more, I would feel concerned. I'd be thinking "This is how he deals with stress. He needs alcohol rather than just fancying a drink with a meal or something."

Waiting for the post that says this is a reverse.

You might not be an alcoholic, but if you can't stop and need more, you're definitely on the way to having a problem.

Can someone tell me what a ‘reverse’ is, please? Ive seen it a few times but can’t work out what it means.
re the alcohol, I agree. It’s the not being able to stop and having to go and buy more that’s concerning. My dad was a binge-drinking alcoholic. He go weeks or months without drinking but something might trigger him and that would be it, he’d spend a week in bed not eating, or washing, just drinking and craving alcohol. He couldn’t stop once he started. Not saying you will end up like him, but the not being able to stop is a worry.

I recall my recovering alcoholic work colleague telling me that if you 'need' a drink in certain circumstances then you could be an alcoholic. Even if it's just a Friday after work and two pints.

If you feel you MUST have them that day then it's not good.

Find a different way to deal with your stress.

Can someone tell me what a ‘reverse’ is, please?

A reverse is when you try to write a post from the others point if view. Usually so you can say 'gotcha' to someone. It rarely works as there will always be biases in each opinion.
In this case it would be if the OP thinks that the husband is the one with the drinking problem, not her, and she feels justified in telling him this.

I tend to turn to a drink and then once I start I find it hard to stop.

If you find it hard to stop, then you absolutely do have a problem or are developing one.

As a PP said, you could be a binge drinker/ alcohol abuse.

Did you walk to the shop or drive?

Were your parents alcohol dependent?

This is mumsnet. No one on here has ever craved sugar and gone out to buy a chocolate bar!!???!!

Clearly you don't drink often and don't have much in the house. I would think that your DH is teetotal and suggest a controlling DH problem rather than an addiction issue.

I think DH is possibly over cautious given your brother's issues, but it does sound concerning that you can't stop once you start.

Can you decide how much you're going to drink, and stick to it? If not, I think that's worrying.

You shouldn’t be turning to alcohol as a crutch for anything negative going on in your life like stress, sadness etc.

This isn’t a good sign.