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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it must be miserable going through life being this angry.

62 replies

Toddlerteaplease · 02/06/2024 12:10

In cafe Nero. A lady in front of me ordered a special request coffee. Her husband came storming over, and demanded the coffee be remade as it wasn't done to his satisfaction. His wife and the barista looked completely confused. But she was about to re make it. He then decided they were leaving and stoned out with his wife in tow.
I felt really sorry for his wife being married to such an angry man. There was just no need for that behaviour. AIBU to think it's a sad way to lead your life.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 02/06/2024 14:20

Afterglow12 · 02/06/2024 14:12

Sad to say but my partner is like this. Constantly pissed off at other drivers and ready to get out the car for a fight. Always thinks people are somehow out to get him or driving badly on purpose. We had to move house as he was so angry with literally everything the neighbours did so now live somewhere with no neighbours. It's exhausting.

I wished you'd moved house without him.

FictionalCharacter · 02/06/2024 14:25

Toddlerteaplease · 02/06/2024 12:30

I very nearly told his wife that level of anger is not normal. She's probably so used to it she doesn't notice.

There’s every chance that she absolutely does notice. My dad was like this. We were all constantly on the receiving end at home. Mum was scared of him and financially dependent. Dad used to keep telling her that the house and everything in it was his. She could see no way out because he convinced her she’d be penniless and homeless.

Waitingfordoggo · 02/06/2024 14:56

Afterglow12 · 02/06/2024 14:12

Sad to say but my partner is like this. Constantly pissed off at other drivers and ready to get out the car for a fight. Always thinks people are somehow out to get him or driving badly on purpose. We had to move house as he was so angry with literally everything the neighbours did so now live somewhere with no neighbours. It's exhausting.

I’m really sorry to read this. Sounds like you’d be much better off without him in your life.

Allfur · 02/06/2024 15:03

Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon · 02/06/2024 13:31

This is my sister. She is absolutely furious constantly and it boils over at slight inconveniences.

When she meets someone who equals her anger, it’s a sight to behold.

She once stood toe to toe at the tip of all places with an angry man who was shouting and swearing at her from in his car for some reason.
She pulled in, threw her door over and flew at his car throwing his door open demanding he get the fuck out and explain himself.
He got out and started screaming in her face and got the same back x 10… the tip fellas stepped in and separated them, she would absolutely have smashed the living shit out of him if he had even raised an eyebrow at her.
She is fearless, does not give a shiny shit who she upsets, offends or intimidates. She is scary.

He was a big bloke, this did not phase her at all. She would have got up and gone back for more of it had got physical with no fucks given.

Let’s just say.. I am VERY low contact with her because she is too difficult to have a relationship with. You never know when she will blow up over nothing.
She must be exhausted all the time with this level of vicious fury.

Although I do like the fact she's seemingly uncowed by a bully of a man, who shouldn't be trying to intimidate someone smaller than him in the first place

Goldiedoodling · 02/06/2024 15:08

Probs had a few pints down him.

TheaBrandt · 02/06/2024 15:12

I feel slightly conflicted at the silent wife alongside these angry misogynistic men. Remember one shouting at me that I was a “cunt” his face twisted with hate. I was just cycling along minding my own busjness in my twenties. Wife or partner just sitting there in passenger seat looking down. I think the women are condoning the behaviour by being with the person at all and not speaking up. Afraid i judge them not feel sorry for them.

Goldiedoodling · 02/06/2024 15:13

TheaBrandt · 02/06/2024 15:12

I feel slightly conflicted at the silent wife alongside these angry misogynistic men. Remember one shouting at me that I was a “cunt” his face twisted with hate. I was just cycling along minding my own busjness in my twenties. Wife or partner just sitting there in passenger seat looking down. I think the women are condoning the behaviour by being with the person at all and not speaking up. Afraid i judge them not feel sorry for them.

Fearing for their own bones I think.

TheaBrandt · 02/06/2024 15:18

I had an aggressive boyfriend one of the many reasons I ended it was the shame of being associated with his shit behaviour. Mortifying

pontipinemum · 02/06/2024 15:26

YANBU that is a really sad what to live your life

My ex sometimes could be like that but not often. When we were backpacking S.E. Asia we met another couple and went for dinner. The restaurant staff didn't have good English, not surprising since we were not in an English speaking country, and beyond hello and thank you my knowledge of their language was zero so no complaints from me. We managed to get across basically what we wanted (before google translate). He flew off because they got his order wrong 😳 I was morto, the other GF did ask me about it going back to the hostel. We didn't come home as a couple! No idea of age has mellowed or made him worse as I haven't seen him in years.

Citrusandginger · 02/06/2024 15:54

TheaBrandt · 02/06/2024 15:12

I feel slightly conflicted at the silent wife alongside these angry misogynistic men. Remember one shouting at me that I was a “cunt” his face twisted with hate. I was just cycling along minding my own busjness in my twenties. Wife or partner just sitting there in passenger seat looking down. I think the women are condoning the behaviour by being with the person at all and not speaking up. Afraid i judge them not feel sorry for them.

I worry a great deal about the wives and girlfriends of aggressive dicks. I'd never judge someone who was too frightened or worn down to leave.

I'd hope they weren't one of the 2 women every week murdered by the partner.

TheTartfulLodger · 02/06/2024 16:04

You tend to find people like this don't take personal responsibility for their anger, in their minds it will be because someone else did or said something that made them feel angry. So no, it isn't really miserable for them because they don't see it as a problem with themselves. The anger gets externalised and is viewed as a problem with other people.

duchessofsilk · 02/06/2024 16:07

Yes, it's baffling. You wonder how these people live their lives without having a heart attack or some kind of health incident because their blood pressure and cortisol levels must be permanently through the roof. It must be a very miserable existence

duchessofsilk · 02/06/2024 16:08

So no, it isn't really miserable for them because they don't see it as a problem with themselves. The anger gets externalised and is viewed as a problem with other people

This is true, but even then, feeling like a permanent victim of everyone and the world at large cant be very pleasant. You must feel permanently paranoid and on edge

BESTAUNTB · 02/06/2024 16:10

Yeah the wives are often cowed. No way out maybe.

If I knew a woman like this (I appreciate the person in the Nero was a stranger to the OP) I’d encourage them to call Women’s Aid and offer resources for an escape if I could.

User1979289 · 02/06/2024 16:13

I had a customer go off at me a few weeks ago - his wife was very apologetic. I said "Oh don't you apologise, if he treated me like that having met me 5 minutes ago I am sure you deal with a lot worse. I don't know how you put up with it" and she started crying! I felt terrible but it is true - shame on him - what a bully.

LlynTegid · 02/06/2024 16:13

BESTAUNTB · 02/06/2024 16:10

Yeah the wives are often cowed. No way out maybe.

If I knew a woman like this (I appreciate the person in the Nero was a stranger to the OP) I’d encourage them to call Women’s Aid and offer resources for an escape if I could.

If you had any clue as to where they lived, I'd suggest calling Women's Aid or the police.

MrRydersParlourGame · 02/06/2024 16:42

kitteninabasket · 02/06/2024 12:44

Good for you. I hope your doors were locked though! My awful ex gesticulated and swore at a female driver then sped past her while I was in the car. I was so embarrassed. We came to a red light and she pulled up alongside. She gestured for him to wind down his window and then said, ever so politely and with a smile, ‘have I done something wrong?’ My ex was lost for words. She asked again and said, ‘you seemed really angry so I’m wondering what I’ve done wrong’. He couldn’t answer her and drove home stunned. He wasn’t used to people challenging him, especially women.

Show quote history

Bloody well done that woman!

OhHelloMiss · 02/06/2024 16:47

Similiar happened today at the cafe in our local country park

Woman furious and shouting because of an issue with a toasted sandwich, waving her hands around, demanding this that and the other

Felt for her family who looked very embarrassed but tried to pretend it was not happening. Just no need

Boomer55 · 02/06/2024 16:54

I feel sorry for those going through life, angry and stressed, male or female. It must be a miserable way to live.

Choochoo21 · 02/06/2024 17:18

Misery loves company and some people aren’t happy unless you are as miserable as they are.

I do feel sorry for the partners but they can leave so I don’t have massive amounts of sympathy.

OhHelloMiss · 02/06/2024 17:20

I work with angry men so I'm fairly used to them with violence added in. Sadly

Just really strikes me when it's a female

Allfur · 02/06/2024 17:22

TheaBrandt · 02/06/2024 15:12

I feel slightly conflicted at the silent wife alongside these angry misogynistic men. Remember one shouting at me that I was a “cunt” his face twisted with hate. I was just cycling along minding my own busjness in my twenties. Wife or partner just sitting there in passenger seat looking down. I think the women are condoning the behaviour by being with the person at all and not speaking up. Afraid i judge them not feel sorry for them.

I have to say part of me does agree a bit, I've been called many by angry men whilst women sit next to them staring straight ahead

HamptonWishList · 02/06/2024 17:26

Extreme anger and a short fuse is often a sign of great stress. People on the edge of a nervous breakdown will often behave like this

Temushopper · 02/06/2024 17:28

Touty · 02/06/2024 13:54

I felt a bit like that when I had depression, it was agitated depression, I ripped everyone’s heads off at any perceived criticism.

My husband suffers periodically from depression and he can be like that. It’s not the easiest to not snap back sometimes as well so I always feel stressed when he’s unwell. I hope you are doing a lot better now

Olderandwider66 · 02/06/2024 17:29

Goldiedoodling · 02/06/2024 15:08

Probs had a few pints down him.

I wondered that, having lived with a very angry man for too many years to remember, he is now sober 3 years and the anger has dissipated - my life has improved immeasurably, he was an embarrassment at times when we were out, I cringe to think about it.

Long may it continue. Anger is such an exhausting emotion not just for the angry person but for all those around them, bloody horrible..

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