To think it's not ok for a 17yo to spend all summer in his room

[rainman24]

Just coming up to the end of half term and thinking ahead to the summer. 17yo has never had a PT job and doesn't seem inclined to get one. His dad thinks he should be focusing on his studies but he doesn't really spend time studying so it's a bit of a moot point. He's at college but will have the summer off. He's spent the last week sleeping til past 1pm and then gaming in his room. I don't think this is healthy and I worry about his lack of work ethic. AIBU? What do your 17yo's spend their holidays doing?

Absolutely this.

Op, your son needs to get a part time job in Tesco or wherever. It will build his skills, be good for his confidence and he will make some money which will also be good for his confidence and his cv.

There are loads of young people working at my local supermarket and they mostly work during their time off uni/college.

That would involve money?

It's not always easy finding a part time job though, especially if you are rural. Fortunately DS got a Saturday job as soon as he turned 16, which will give him extra shifts in the holidays, but the local FB pages now are full of parents asking for vacancies/leads for teen jobs, with nothing forthcoming.

I think preparing for the driving theory test is a good idea as a project. Many library authorities are subscribed to Theory Test Pro -just need a library card to access it for free:

app.theorytestpro.co.uk/libraries/

My DS is ND and loves being alone. Until he left school after a-levels I let him be. He rarely went out and just popped downstairs throughout the day to chat a bit. Rest of time was studying / sleeping / gaming / chatting online.

I know him well enough and we talk a lot so I know it was what he needed and he knew that life wouldn't be like this forever.

Once he started Uni he had no issues making the transition to travelling to classes daily, getting up early and meeting up with peers for assignments. Rest of the time he was back in his room.

Now finishing second year he is doing some work experience so he can think ahead to job hunting next year.

He'll be a working adult for a loan time. I don't think spending his youth gaming will ruin his life.

I had one who would stay in his room all day if he could too. In the end I presented it in a positive way- about building up his CV, getting skills, meeting new people, more money etc... I said I was expecting him to either get a job or do some voluntary work. I gave him a cut off date and said that after that the wifi password would be changing! Did the trick!

I’m not at this stage of parenting yet (and already dreading it!) but I saw both my brother and cousin go down this route and it ended badly, both times. Depression, social issues, loneliness, anger and both now working minimum wage jobs with little prospect for progression.

My other family members who at this age had part time jobs, would game but also go out, go to the gym, go to the pub etc turned out to have very balanced adult lives too.

Not sure what motivation you can give him, but any encourage to wake up earlier, get out and mix with people is all the better.

wow. That really is impressive!

I saw that thread too. But it's a balance, surely, between structured and unstructured time. That child seemed to be timetabled all the time. Too extreme. But the long holidays need a bit of planning otherwise they can just sink under the teen duvet of gloom and game their lives away.

Nope all of mine had part time jobs at 16. Supermarkets or fast food places. Even at college they went straight from college to job and it's given them all a good work ethic. I really think it's the most important thing for 16yr olds teaches them so much and sets them up for life In my opinion.

The summer job I had as a teen really changed my life. I was fairly shy and academic. It gave me confidence, allowed me to develop a good friendship group (it was the type of summer job a lot of A Level and university sudents did - we had some great summers!), allowed me a
bit of financial independence, imlroved my foreign language skills and I think gave me the edge when applying for my first full time graduate job.

@Ginmonkeyagain that's entirely my point - I think summer jobs for teens can be an absolute game changer.

I would say to hi
m that he can become a hermit but he needs exercise twice a day - just to keep a healthy body and the endorphins circling a bit - sout for a walk or run, an hour at the gym etc

To be honest I'm more concerned about him getting some life experience rather than whether or not he's getting any exercise, otherwise he'll have a big shock going out into the big wide world after college.

I could have written this post! Mine only comes out of his bedroom to eat!
All his friends are online though.
he has zero interest in clothes, doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to drive. Only wants money for gaming stuff, which he doesn’t get unless he earns it.
I have been nagging him about getting a job for about 6 months now, when he started talking about ditching college. Nowhere is taking on, Tesco only take from 18… I’ve sent him job links, he never follows through on them, he’s applied to 3 jobs with me standing over his shoulder!
I like the deadline idea, I’m going to use that one 👍🏻