To think it's not ok for a 17yo to spend all summer in his room

[rainman24]

Just coming up to the end of half term and thinking ahead to the summer. 17yo has never had a PT job and doesn't seem inclined to get one. His dad thinks he should be focusing on his studies but he doesn't really spend time studying so it's a bit of a moot point. He's at college but will have the summer off. He's spent the last week sleeping til past 1pm and then gaming in his room. I don't think this is healthy and I worry about his lack of work ethic. AIBU? What do your 17yo's spend their holidays doing?

Mine had no choice but to spend months in his room during Covid regulations..along with the rest of his peer group. Its certainly not ideal, but doesnt necessarily lead to depression and end of the world. He is currently working as a musician on a cruise liner and seeing the world.

DH has drily pointed out that a 17 yr old boy isn't just gaming for hours in his room but partaking in 'other activities'

He needs a job but honestly at that age I think I was allergic to the sun and fresh air.

it not good and healthy. However I would expect parents to do more then just moaning at him “get a job” he probably needs help to find one.

Money is an excellent motivator. I worked every Saturday and holiday from 16 years old as I wanted money for clothes, going out and holidays.

Perhaps cutting off any allowance for games and clothes might work?

Not necessarily. My gaming mad DS finished college with rubbish a-levels and walked straight into a £35k a year tech job. Never had a part time job before.

@newhousenewhouse wow, that's impressive. Good for him.

Mine was like this exactly. I conceded for a year and let him do what he wanted. The following year he got back into sport and was more sociable and active. Talking to him now (26)he was depressed, gay but not out and into weed. Was in touch with all sorts online in gaming chats. I wish I'd been able to motivate him further. He's v happy and successful now but time with you sharing small experiences together like a meal, a walk etc will help. Share his game with him, he might open up.

Jesus, I had part time jobs from when I was 13, baby sitting paperrounds, car washing, moving on to retail from 14.

I cannot abide the lack of working these days in teens, often justified by their parents because of 'studies' and 'being too tired'. You create a work ethic from being very young and doing things and being busy.

I agree he needs to get out and about more, although there us another thread slagging off 'the out and about brigade'

We’ve given DS a bit of leeway as he had such a traumatic time at school (very long story and needs a thread by itself) he’s also ND, so the fact that he’s almost completed a year at college, has a work placement as part of the college course (which sadly doesn’t provide a wage) and has made some lovely new friends and has a girlfriend too, so he’s managed to finally have a positive experience with quality time.

We were hoping his work placement would take him on after his 100 hours were up, there was talk of it and DS was asked to keep coming in one day a week but he doesn’t receive a wage, although the experience has been beneficial.

So atm DS doesn’t have a PT job but once college has finished we’ll see what’s out there.

Really, why?

My ds loves going out and socialising with people and doing things, but is never the organiser and it is so frustrating.

They have one lad in their friendship group who organises everything - last week he got them all organised to climb a munro! They all loved it. He kicked off the idea of them going on holiday this year together. If this lad hadn't organised them they would have all be at home in bed or on their playstations instead!

Your ds's friends, or at least some of them, will be the same, they just need someone to take the lead and get them out there. Maybe you can convince your ds to be that lead. I am still working on mine!

Saying they're really annoying, over enthusiastic and oppressive or some shit

I didn't game but when I was 17, I was in the middle of doing my A-levels and in the holidays I did exactly what your dc is doing. I emerged occasionally, wearing the thickest jumper I could find despite the heat, ate my bodyweight in bread and jacket potatoes and then disappear again. I was not depressed or anything, I would read or colour or draw or whatever I enjoyed at the time and listen to music. I didn't have a job either and was never pushed into one.

As an adult, I do the same with my holidays and weekends but not in my bedroom.

My 17yo is up early every day as he has a dog to walk. He chooses to go out to his sports club on Saturday, starts 9am so he needs to be up early 7am for that.

He has a long lie on a Sunday though. I think that's normal. You need one day to recharge the batteries.

We are not a family to lie around doing nothing. We are busy up and about every day making the best of it.

He plays several musical instruments so if he's not at school or doing his sport, walking the dog or seeing friends, he is playing music. Currently doing his theory practice for learning to drive too.

No, he doesn't have a part time job. But does help in other ways around the house and helps relatives paint their fences in the summer etc.

Mines got a part time job but it’s research and number crunching so can be done at home. I’m nagging persuading him to go into the office for regular catchups (and to be able hang around real people…) and work during work hours.

A reality check is needed here get him to get a part time job

Could you kidnap the router?

At 17, I think he can choose how he wants to spend his own leisure time. You say in your other posts that he does see his friends and that music and gaming are his main interests, so I don’t see why he can’t spend his holidays doing those things.

If someone gave me a couple of months off, I wouldn’t want to spend it doing a minimum wage part-time job or going on bike rides either, so I don’t see why he has to do that just because he’s 17.

Well I kinda need it for work!

Let him be, imo
Keep the lines of communication open and the offers coming. Ime this is quite normal for teens and at 17 if he’s not sporty, family days out and bike rides don’t appeal. If he’s not motivated by money he won’t want a pt job
Have some boundaries like chores but on the whole he will emerge when he’s ready. I know lots of teenagers who have spent periods of time holed up in their rooms and non are depressed and are all functioning adults now.

Ds had a job at 17 in A level holidays. I’d recommend you get him into that

My dS got a job at 16. He wanted the money for going out, buying clothes, driving lessons, saving for a car, saving for a lads holiday. He now has an apprenticeship and still works at this job around this for the extra money. We don't yet charge him any keep but he is 18 in a couple of months so will review it then.

Yes, give him some phone numbers, e-mail addresses, websites for finding a job and offer to help him write a CV. Could he also do some volunteering?

Can you give him some responsibilities at home e.g. make dinner and vacuum twice a week, unload dishwasher and put away dishes when he wakes up in the morning?

Games consoles are not the ouija boards they’re hyped as - leave him be until university age - just for the love of God keep him off weed.