To think this is a reasonable suggestion

[Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat]

DP and I are splitting up after 20 odd years together. He’s being having an emotional affair with someone at work, and is walking around the house like billy big bollocks. I am done and to be honest I am embarrassed about all the shit I have put up with over the years.
financially we will be okay, however our two children will still spend time at home. They are both at uni. They will stay with me, they have said they don’t want to stay with their dad, that’s their choice. That’s a whole other story about why they feel that.
obviously I am therefore going to have to look for a bigger property with at least 2 bedrooms, DP is looking at 1bed properties. The difference in price is anything between 50 to 70 k. The plan was to split all monies down the middle. So it looks like I am going to come out of this worse off.
i have suggested that I stay in the house for another 5 years until the kids have totally left home and we can buy an investment property for him to live in now. At 60 we will sell the house. Then split the finance. We own the house outright with no mortgage, it’s worth about 440k.
The benefits to this are the DC’s will still have a home for the next 5 years. We won’t have to spend a massive amount of money in the next couple of months doing the house up ( it needs loads of work) DP can be in his new property within a couple of months where he can take his relationship further ( god help her). My thought is that DP has instagated this split so needs to understand he can’t have it all his way. He’s thinking about this suggestion, obviously to him the idea of moving on quicker is a bonus. We will need to a solicitor to ensure no one is taking advantage of the other.
Are there any downsides to this plan and what other options would there be for me to not have to be financially worse off than DP because of the property I will need.

Sounds good to me...

Will you sell both properties further down the line? You wouldn't want him to be all nicely set up in the second property and you 'homeless' when you have to sell the main house... what's the plan for that?

Are you buying the investment property outright or will there be a mortgage?

Yes that would be the plan.
we have also just bought a couple of items of furniture which won’t fit into a smaller property. Probably spent about £6 k on them.

Investment property would have a mortgage.

OP, do yourself the biggest favour and get rid of him. The courts favour a clean break so this can happen without being entangled for years. Do you have a lawyer? Why did you agree to 50/50? Are your pensions of equal value?

Yes you’ll have to buy a bigger property, but you’ll have a bigger asset and you can chance this one day.

I think it’s best to get everything sorted now, the longer you remain financially tied to each other the more complicated things get especially getting a new mortgage.

i get your logic but in the long run it risks over complicating things

If it was me this is what I would do, you have £44Ok in your family home. Out of your savings your husband takes a certain amount for the deposit and then pays the mortgage on his new place himself. After 5 years you sell the family home, split the proceeds 50/50 minus the deposit that your husband had. Is this what you were thinking? Sounds fair to me.

It leaves you tied together financially so you're vulnerable to changes in his finances like him losing his job. Where would the deposit come from? If you use the current property to secure enough equity for the investment property purchase and he loses his job in that time, or decides to stop paying the mortgage because he wants to move in with the new partner you could end up in a worse situation financially. Don't rely on him doing the right thing. Would you both be on the mortgage/title for new property? Who would pay the mortgage?
His share of any increase in the value of the the family home could become subject to capital gains tax when sold. If you're both on the title for the second property your share of that could be subject to capital gains tax when sold. It's not a simple solution to the issue.

DP Is NHS like myself so highly unlikely to lose job. We have about 20 K savings with another 20 k tied up till ages 60.

I also potentially have three smallish inheritance, which I know I can’t depend upon but could equally 50 k

I'd rip the plaster off.

Sell up, split 60/40 in your favour to reflect your need to buy bigger. Divorce

Where is the deposit for his property coming from?

If you took a larger share of your property could you buy him out?

I think you might regret remaining financially entangled, once a new partner is involved OP. Get a solicitor ASAP, to ensure you are treat fairly, and havw a clean split also ASAP.

If you are suggesting you stay in the house for 5 years, where will he live? Does he have to wait for 5 years to get any money?

I'm 57. There's been a lot of changes in the health of the men in our friendship group. It's the chance of changing health and therefore changing finances which would be my worry. If it isn't a worry for you, then your plan is ideal. Expect a big change while he's wooing the other woman (or even the next one). You need everything setting out legally. However area I live in is up and coming and property prices are soaring, so I could see a two bed going up by at least £20k in five years. I'd rather a 60/40 divorce. If grandchildren come along, adult children move away etc you might want that extra bedroom anyway.

OP honestly I would risk staying financially involved. Especially if you might inherit but it's up to you.

Hope you have a decent solicitor who can advise better.

BTW I hope the next phase of your life is joyful without his grinning arse in it.

I mean I wouldn't stay financially involved

Do not get involved with a mortgage on another property.

Split everything in half.

I'm sorry you have been cheated on.

I wouldn’t. Agree with others, five years is a long time and the likelihood of neither of you wanting to move on in that time is slim. It’s far better to sort the practicalities now with lots of planning room and in both your terms than down the line when it might be an even less ideal time for you to sell and he’s pressuring for it to happen immediately and could force it in court.

If both children are already at university then you have less than five years of them coming home for holidays. Once they graduate and begin work they can look for house shares - perhaps not the ideal plan but perfectly normal for twenty-somethings.

I can see why you want this, and I can see the benefit to you in staying in the home for five years. But I think it would be a no from me, too complex with the mortgage. So just end it. The fact he instigated the split doesn’t mean he can’t get his fair share. That’s not how it works.

Would a 50/50 split be fair do people think. Never thought about if my property is more expensive I will then have a bigger assets. His pension is slightly more than mine, my lump sum will be about 70 k when I leave at 60

It the bullet and just split 50/50 the kids aren’t dependents there adults

the older you get if you need a mortgage you won’t get one
a lot can change in a few years and yes your with NHS and jobs as safe as they can be that can change I’ve a few friends who jobs in the NHS has gone there services were moved to a big hospital of excellence and an where the clinics we’re combined with another department

pensions are very complex to workout speak to the professionals on that

I think I’d reflect on the 50/50 split.

what are assets of the marriage? 440k in the home, pensions? Savings? Did you take a step back in work during childhood years?

You need a lawyer.

You say DP so I assume not married? If you’re not married and own the house as joint tenants then a 50/50 split of the house is the default and you each walk away with your own savings and pensions, unless you can negotiate a different kind of “fair” between yourselves.