To think this is a reasonable suggestion

[Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat]

DP and I are splitting up after 20 odd years together. He’s being having an emotional affair with someone at work, and is walking around the house like billy big bollocks. I am done and to be honest I am embarrassed about all the shit I have put up with over the years.
financially we will be okay, however our two children will still spend time at home. They are both at uni. They will stay with me, they have said they don’t want to stay with their dad, that’s their choice. That’s a whole other story about why they feel that.
obviously I am therefore going to have to look for a bigger property with at least 2 bedrooms, DP is looking at 1bed properties. The difference in price is anything between 50 to 70 k. The plan was to split all monies down the middle. So it looks like I am going to come out of this worse off.
i have suggested that I stay in the house for another 5 years until the kids have totally left home and we can buy an investment property for him to live in now. At 60 we will sell the house. Then split the finance. We own the house outright with no mortgage, it’s worth about 440k.
The benefits to this are the DC’s will still have a home for the next 5 years. We won’t have to spend a massive amount of money in the next couple of months doing the house up ( it needs loads of work) DP can be in his new property within a couple of months where he can take his relationship further ( god help her). My thought is that DP has instagated this split so needs to understand he can’t have it all his way. He’s thinking about this suggestion, obviously to him the idea of moving on quicker is a bonus. We will need to a solicitor to ensure no one is taking advantage of the other.
Are there any downsides to this plan and what other options would there be for me to not have to be financially worse off than DP because of the property I will need.

I wouldn’t need a mortgage when I sell, I would have enough to buy something.

Who's name are the savings and the other 20K asset in? It matters if you're not married. You haven't said where the deposit for XP house would be coming from? You don't have any options unless he agrees if you're unmarried. If you haven't specified on the house the split is probably 50/50. There's no marital assets or pension splitting if you're not married either. If he agrees to the 5 year delay Id see a lawyer and see if there's some way to document and enforce that legally.

You can split the house and change the tittle to 50/50 with a clause stating a 5 year tenancy for you and the children.

This will mean an increase in bills for you whilst he downsizes and has less outgoings. He will then benefit from a 5 year sale increase without paying for renovations.

What happens if he doesn’t contribute to the renovations or - he thinks it’s unreasonable (friend with no real bathroom at the moment is having this problem)

Who fronts the sale costs? Moving costs? Solicitor fees? and yes a deposit?

There is also the issue that he could force the sale in the future - well so could you!

I think you need legal advice.

You Amy claim legal aid if you earn less.

Split financially as soon as possible.

With your plan, his new girlfriend could move into his new flat in 6 months for example and in that case, it would be reasonable for you to expect her to pay you rent, but I'd bet that neither she nor he would agree to that 🤷‍♀️

That's just one of the obvious complications, go your separate ways financially, it will be soooo much easier in the long run.

Regardless of who's better off financially dh has probably irreparably damaged his relationship with his dc... What a tosser..
Divorce asap with financial severance before any signs of your inheritance
. Heck that's a bit rhymey!!

Inheritance is yours unless you choose to use it for joint purposes. Separate bank account in your name only.

He can’t touch it.

I honestly wouldn't stay entangled. What about if he gets another partner and makes a will giving her half of his proceeds of the house for example before it's sold in 5 years. That would be extremely messy.

Buying a larger property yes stings you more now but then that's worth more in a few years time and then you can downsize if you want then. You are also expecting your children to move out after 5 years, what if they don't want to?

Seriously go and get legal advice. Both suggestions have pros and cons but you need proper advice about protecting your assets from excess inheritance tax ( I know its in the future but if you get it wrong now it will be difficult to get unwound) and also other tax implications, i.e. depending how you buy the second home a chunk of stamp duty may well be payable which needs to be factored in. If the children are still at UNI the settlement might entail he has to pay until they graduate , what about his pension - you have rights to an element of that as well. It’s a minefield and huge decisions to be made when you are feeling vulnerable. Getting legal advice will help you make an informed decision based on fact not emotion which protects you and your children.