Child Maintenance Stress

[Baybeedee]

I asked my abusive husband to leave last year. He is a bone idle, scrounging parasite who has probably worked for 4 weeks in the past 12 months. I had the misfortune of his mother living here too. Anyway, he left in Aug 23, his mother left in the Sept and got a rented property 120 miles away from where I live. Our youngest son, aged 17, went with them as he secured a place on a Sports and Development course with all his pals in the area they moved to. Obviously, I didn't want my son to leave, however, I just want him to be happy and this is what he wants. I still see him loads, every other weekend and all the holidays, so at least 150 nights a year. I send my son £50 a week, pay his phone contract, xbox subscription and all train fares when he stays with me. Money is not the issue here, I really want to stress that. My ex husband has made a claim via the CMS and they have just deducted 600quid from my salary. I've had to cancel the xbox subscription, stop sending the 50 a week that was helping my son to become independent and in August I will have to cancel his phone contract when it ends. I've told the CMS I pay all this and that I spend lots of time with my son plus I'm a named contact on his college course. I also speak with him daily and still do 'Mum' things. The CMS asked my ex if I see my boy and if I pay all the above, he said no and they took his word for it, just like that?? I've had to collate a ton of evidence to rebut this but I've just not got any faith in the CMS doing the right thing. It is going to get to the point where I won't be able to afford to see him. Does anyone think I'm being unreasonable and I should just pay the benefit scrounging dole dosser 600quid? I can see me and my daughter ending up losing our home 😞

So your refusing to pay child maintenance basically?

is your daughter resident with you? Does she have the same dad?

if so maintenance should not be payable if you have one child each. Make a counter claim for your dd.

if your dd is not his then yes, you should be paying maintenance for your child.

The phone and pocket money and subscriptions don't really mean anything unless there was an agreement that you'll pay this instead of CMS.

He is entitled to it, however much you dislike that.

If your dd has the same dad you could counter claim and reduce it slightly.

Is your son a fulltime student, and do you know how long the course is for? You only pay for children over the age of 16 if they are studying fulltime. You can probably counter claim for your daughter, if she is a student too, but if hes on benefits its peanuts. I expect you think your son will see little of what youre paying, so I would make him well aware of what his dad is taking for him.

As others have said if both children are his and you have one each there should be none payable I believe. If not and the calculation is accurate then yes you must pay but given the high amount, I would explain that the "extras" will have to go. I don't generally agree with the CMS only stance but £600 is a hefty whack for one child even of 17.

She said her youngest son is 17 so quite possibly the daughter is older and not applicable for a CM claim. Was the £600 backpay or is that what you owe now monthly?

I'm not refusing to pay maintenance, the point I'm making is, I still see my son regularly, I still have parental responsibility and am instrumental in his education, development and general welfare, I pay my son money directly every week in addition to paying for a car for my ex to use plus train fares for my son to visit me. My ex is now living with his new gf and my lad is stuck with his grandma, whilst my ex claims CB and UC for my lad. Our daughter (yes his too) is 19.

I was under the impression that you can only claim maintenance for a child that lives with you.

It may be worth exploring whether or not that's the case. If he lives with his GM, I don't see why your ex is entitled to anything.

Yes he is FT, he doesn't finish his course until next May. He is gutted his weekly payments have stopped, he was enjoying some financial independence and the ability to buy his food and transport costs to college with some left over for him to save. He's more upset that the CMS believe we don't see each other regularly and that I've never sent him money directly.

Can your son testify directly to the CMS?

I've collated evidence that he stays with me overnight and that I still pay for a car that my ex uses. I have told them he doesn't live with my son but they refuse to action this, he gets CB and UC for him so that's all they need. His GM works so I imagine can't claim UC so this is why they'll be doing it this way as the ex doesn't work so claims a ton of bens

Do you have him overnight? That's the important part.

I would be reporting your ex for benefit fraud too.

Can you also stop paying for your ex's car?

If you were a man writing this yoy would be lambasted and rightly so.

Ok … so maintenance is payable based on how many nights he has with you ..

how involved you are is irrelevant .. The only things that may be factored in are is he living with Dad - travel expenses - but assuming this has been going on a while if you have an attachment to earnings .

how engaged you are is irrelevant in the case of cms .

He has written a statement but I feel awful that he's had to get involved, I'm submitting all the evidence I've collated. I just want someone to believe that I spend time with him, it's grim to think people actually believe that I no longer care for him, feed him, advise him and be a mum to him. I'm so angry that his dad and GM are getting away with ripping off the state and using my boy to squeeze out just a little more money 🤬

The only time that matters to CMS is overnights.

Doing normal parent stuff doesn't count towards it either, nor should it.

If they are scamming the system for benefits that's a different matter, you would be due the same CMS to the grandmother though so doesn't actually make a difference to what you're paying out.

He stays overnight apx half the time. I'm not asking the CMS to consider I am still a responsible, caring parent to reduce the payments due, I just don't want anyone thinking I'm not. My son and I are really close and he is also pretty fed up that the CMS believe we don't spend time together

You need to report him to child benefits if he doesn't live with him he shouldn't be claiming

I have done, he just moved back in with them, and said he had decided just to stay at the gf's a few nights a week. He's such a scratter

No one at CMS care whether you see your DS or how many times you speak to him. It’s a computer driven system not someone reviewing how much input you have into his parenting. They enter your salary and how many overnight stays he has and spit out the amount due.
To be paying £600 you must either have ignore it for a long time and have back payments or earn a decent amount.
This is exactly the same for how it works for fathers.

Did you originally live in that area? How come your son had so many friends 120 miles away?

If you'd given that money directly to his Dad, at the mandated CMS level, this wouldn't have happened, though I strongly suspect your son would have seen very little of it. He's a chancer, but luckily your son will soon be an adult.

Have you worked out what you should be paying? As you'll have to pay something in maintenance here

how is it approximately half the time .if he canes home Friday/Saturday every week that is still 4/14

Whenever your son is actually living, you need to be paying for his housing, his food, his clothing, and his general living expenses.

of course you should still be seeing your son. Of course you should be paying for the expenses associated with seeing him. That is what happens when you are the non-residential parent. Those expenses are on top of maintenance.

if your son isn’t living with his father, then petition to pay whoever is actually caring for the child.

? By the time the hols have finished he will have stayed with me 150 nights, this is in less than a year, he isn't with me just every other weekend