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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To maybe spend another day in bed

29 replies

Grumpynan · 31/05/2024 07:58

I’m I’ll, I have the most horrible tummy upset. Started Tuesday night, didn’t want my dinner then an hour later, well let’s not discuss it. I went to bed ( we have separate bedrooms) he went a little later saying he hoped I’m better soon etc. I was up all night.

yesterday I spent the day in bed, feeling washed out, I did manage to go to the kitchen (via the bathroom) and put a load of washing on and stick some stuff in the dishwasher just pottered for a half hour tbh then went and collapsed in bed ( we live in a bungalow and my room is opposite the kitchen)

we’re both retired so he spent the day doing what ever got be a couple of drinks. Late afternoon I wondered make into the kitchen via the bathroom 😥 and got more water, stuck the washing in the dryer and stuck a potato in the airfryer for his dinner and some frozen chilli in a pan for him to heat up ( I’m a good wife 🙄 and tbh was more trying to find something untaxing to do )

I managed to eat some dry toast late evening (loving made by DH 😂) and so far this morning I’m ok, stomach cramps but not ill though don’t want anything to eat.

he now expects me to get up and have a normal day, I’m feeling washed out and don’t see the need to jump out of bed. I probably will later but why shouldn’t I take it easy?

just fir comparison, he’s the sort that always gets up, his mum always said bed was for lazy people. He would have got up yesterday and flopped on the sofa, in my opinion making everyone in the house suffer at least me staying in my room he has the rest of the house without someone dying in the main room

but basically, am I lazy spending longer feeling sorry for myself

OP posts:
sorrynotathome · 31/05/2024 08:00

Reading this sort of post makes me so glad I'm single.

DreadPirateRobots · 31/05/2024 08:02

You're retired, you have no small children depending on you, you still feel unwell. Of course stay in bed until you're better - anything else is just pointless masochism.

Dustpantsandbush · 31/05/2024 08:02

Do what you want and give zero fucks about it. It’s a day in bed who cares what he thinks?

sweetpickle2 · 31/05/2024 08:04

Why on earth were you making his dinner if you were ill??

CheeseWisely · 31/05/2024 08:04

Of course stay in bed if you want to stay in bed!

FWIW though I don't think your DH's way is necessarily 'wrong' as if I'm a bit under the weather / recovering from being under the weather then I would generally get up, showered and rest on the couch too. Being up seems to make me feel a bit more human than being in bed does.

CheeseWisely · 31/05/2024 08:06

To add on re-reading your post, I wouldn't have a 'normal day' like you suggest your DH would but I would probably get up.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 31/05/2024 08:06

Stay in bed, or have a lazy sofa day if your not 100% your probably still feeling weak. He will need to amuse himself, maybe he can do chores today so that you can both enjoy tomorrow?

wizarddry · 31/05/2024 08:07

I hope he picks up his the illness. He sounds Really unpleasant. Are you in a financial position to divorce?

PashaMinaMio · 31/05/2024 08:08

I hope you get better soon but you are bound to feel weakened by your illness.
If you are retirement age it takes longer to recover from illness as we get older. D&V can be very debilitating.

Harden your heart and mind and stay in bed and resting. We’re all giving you permission to do so!

Next time he’s poorly, take a leaf out of his book. Treat him like he’s current treating you.

DarlingClementine85 · 31/05/2024 08:10

You made his dinner while you had a tummy bug? I'd definitely stay in bed! What wonderful plans does he have for you today that he needs you out of bed? His only plans should be bringing you drinks and whatever else you need.

Bringbackthebeaver · 31/05/2024 08:11

OP why are you allowing a man to criticise and judge you for taking care of your needs when you are unwell?

Boutonnière · 31/05/2024 08:16

I’m surprised he’d want to have food prepared by someone with a tummy upset.

Take your time, OP.

Wordsmithery · 31/05/2024 08:18

Stay in bed if that's what your body is telling you to do.
One good thing: if this was a virus, and you prepared his food, you've done your best to share your illness with your tosser of a husband.

MsFaversham · 31/05/2024 08:24

Stay in bed if you don’t feel well. What does it matter to him? Can’t he entertain or fend for himself? Get yourself a jug of water, some snacks if you can tolerate them, a good book or not and snooze on and off all day. You’ll feel much better for it.

HcbSS · 31/05/2024 08:51

CheeseWisely · 31/05/2024 08:04

Of course stay in bed if you want to stay in bed!

FWIW though I don't think your DH's way is necessarily 'wrong' as if I'm a bit under the weather / recovering from being under the weather then I would generally get up, showered and rest on the couch too. Being up seems to make me feel a bit more human than being in bed does.

I am the same. Being showered and having clothes on makes me feel a bit better somehow.

Love51 · 31/05/2024 08:56

I with you, OP. If you are ill, go to bed, don't be spreading your germs around the house! If you choose to get up, don't be trying to sleep because other people should be able to go about their day, play instruments, listen to music while doing jobs, watch TV etc.
The beauty of being retired is you can take an extra day to recover. You've earned it!

Cattery · 31/05/2024 09:12

A lovely day in bed. Us retirees deserve it especially when we’re under the weather. Funny how we always manage to make sure a wash load is on tho 🤣 Bollocks to him. Let him crack on. Enjoy x

ototot · 31/05/2024 09:58

sorrynotathome · 31/05/2024 08:00

Reading this sort of post makes me so glad I'm single.

Me too.
Thank god I'm single if this is the alternative.

Claloulat · 31/05/2024 10:07

Your husband is the lazy fucker here! Can't believe you made his dinner when you were so ill. He should have made his own dinner, taken care of your half of the chores (let me guess, you do the lion's share of everything...) and offered to bring you food and drinks until you get better. Its not like he's run ragged with small kids or working all hours!

No idea why some women accept so little.

MarkWithaC · 31/05/2024 10:30

I have a tummy bug too, started on Monday. After a few days feeling like an invalid I’m now up, but being slow and not very productive. My DP has actually gone away for work now, but for the first couple of days, when he was here, was asking how I felt, offering/bringing me water etc, doing his own dinner - you know, like a competent adult.
Wait til your DH gets your bug and then ask why he’s not up having a ‘normal day’.
Rest up, and I hope you feel better soon.

Wishimaywishimight · 31/05/2024 10:34

ototot · 31/05/2024 09:58

Me too.
Thank god I'm single if this is the alternative.

It's not "the alternative" in a good relationship though!

If I was feeling like you are OP, my DH would tell me to stay in bed, ask if I needed a cup of tea or whatever then take himself out for a while to leave me sleep in peace.

Your DH is not your boss - tell him to bugger off with his "lazy", you are a grown woman who is perfectly capable of deciding whether you need another day of rest or not.

And let him make his own sodding dinner - don't do the 'martyr' thing!!

gamerchick · 31/05/2024 10:36

Why are you making his tea? Did he ask if you needed anything while you were laid up?

Seriously dude? Stay in bed, tell him the running of the house is up to him until you're damned well good and ready.

5128gap · 31/05/2024 10:38

He's not being very smart is he? There's no way I'd eat food prepared by someone with a tummy bug. Nor would I want them spreading germs through the house if they were prepared to stay in bed. When the inevitable happens, please point out to him that he could have probably avoided it by facilitating you staying in bed until you were fully better. And in more general terms, you are an autonomous adult, retired and so at no one's beck and call. You need to stop prioritising what he wants and please yourself a bit more.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 31/05/2024 10:39

sorrynotathome · 31/05/2024 08:00

Reading this sort of post makes me so glad I'm single.

Reading this makes me glad I'm not married to an arse.

whyhavetheygotsomany · 31/05/2024 10:45

What is he your master ? For gods sake just do what you want

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