My husband knows I despise porn. He also claimed to hate it too with a passion. I noticed during an argument a few months back that he didn't seem as hateful of porn. I asked outright if he watched and he basically said I was stupid to even consider it. I was typing in Facebook on his phone and noticed "fap" came up as a suggestion from his search history. I clicked and it was a porn site. I then browsed his history which showed one called "chaturbate". I clicked and saw that it's like a live chat and stream site. My heart is so destroyed by this. I found out on Monday but have kept quiet about it. I told him that I have bought him a thoughtful gift for father's day, "you are such a great husband and father. Always faithful and not tempting yourself by looking at other women online" he then smiled and seemed embarrassed. He got up to check his phone and I knew he was making sure to delete all of his history. I went on his phone later on and all searches were gone.
I'm so disgusted by this. We know that the porn industry is one of exploitation and mostly "non enthusiastic consent". We are against sex trafficking of any kind. The conversation clearly struck a cord with him. He's been contrite and sweet ever since. He has no idea that I know, but I can see the guilt all over him.
Things that make this worse:
- my husband keeps going out with or to his sister in laws house. They went out to a castle and he messaged to say people thought they were a couple. I just didn't appreciate that at all. I would never have thought anything of him and his sister in law until that message
- after an argument a few weeks back, he said he was going to take the kids to said sister in-law. I told him it made me uncomfortable. He laughed in my face and told me he couldn't believe I was jealous and that he just wants the cousins to be together. He went despite knowing how upset I felt
- we had a discussion that same evening whereby I told him I was unhappy. He mentioned he was definitely not watching porn and that I need to make him feel good more often. How sister in law made him feel like a good dad. I feel he only said this because I mentioned that the two of them together was making me uncomfortable.
From his search history, he viewed porn that very same evening.
I've been trying to ignore it and move on, especially as I see a genuine change in him since I made him feel guilty on Monday. I believe he will not view porn again now, but still feel so broken that he did and that it was one where you could live chat to people. I'm now left alone (he's gone out with the kids again but this time his brother is there instead of sister in law). Being alone in the house has suddenly brought all the sadness back. I'm not sure if I should confront him or not. Am I being unreasonable to want a divorce over this? I don't think I would go through with a divorce, but I'm struggling to get past how I feel.