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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For walking away

47 replies

Donnat84 · 30/05/2024 00:39

I have been with my partner for nearly two years, he’s never been the best at communication, he can be a bit nasty to me and make silly comments, for example we went out shopping and in front of the shop worker he said “ why are you buying that, you don’t need it as you don’t wash” I was so confused about where that had come from. I most certainly do wash, im
not just saying that. 😞he makes comments about other things, he once threw away a dinner because I didn’t cook it the way his mum does. Anyway, he had to go away on work, he couldn’t be in contact for three weeks but he when he got his SIM card he hardly spoke to me, he sent me a text telling me he missed me and called me once, he ignored my calls, he called me one more time. When he got home he sent me stupid Facebook and instagram videos. He text me the day after sent me some pics of his time away to which I really replied , “ nice memories” Like a puff of smoke he’s gone again. He’s done this to me so many times but never for this amount of time. He also took and expensive bag of mine with him. The last time he did this. I told him if he doesn’t again he will never hear from me again. Well he’s missing now for 8/9 days no communication, he’s alive as he’s on instagram and Facebook. Am I the being unreasonable for sticking to my guns and refusing to talk to him? I’m so hurt, he was the first person who I let into mine and my children’s lives after a very abusive past relationship and he’s ghosted me, he’s 34 years old!!!!! I’m trying to work out if he’s waiting for me to text him, I don’t want to text, not even about the bag. I’m so hurt at the moment. I washed his clothes, cooked for him, lent him money, drove him 6 hours round trip when his car broke down. He does this to me after everything he knows I’ve been through

OP posts:
PlantDoctor · 30/05/2024 00:41

He sounds emotionally abusive. Ditch!

marie3e · 30/05/2024 00:43

Making fun of you in front of strangers, sounds like a narcissist

Catsmere · 30/05/2024 00:44

Nearly two years = too long with this PoS already. He's no partner, he's an oxygen thief. Get rid of him.

FictionalCharacter · 30/05/2024 00:47

Bin him, get your life and your self esteem back, and never let anyone treat you like that again.
It’s a shame these men can’t get a warning branded on their foreheads to warn the next unfortunate woman who falls for them.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 30/05/2024 02:39

Yeah I’m not usually the person who says this … but

Just because you made a mistake letting him into your life doesn’t mean you should double down on a losing hand. He won’t get better… you can’t fix him.. and you are a mother to a child that deserves more than this in your life.

Catsmere · 30/05/2024 02:40

Yes, it's sunk cost fallacy, isn't it?

HcbSS · 30/05/2024 03:57

Does this man child have any redeeming qualities?

Ridiculous24 · 30/05/2024 04:53

You are in another abusive relationship. Your self esteem must be on the floor to put up with this. It doesn't sound like he even likes you- he is using and controlling you. This doesn't mean you are aren't good enough, it means that he is a very bad man. Please put your time and energy into you and your children.

BCBird · 30/05/2024 05:16

Nin. He does it because he knows he can. Take ventral. Work.on urself. Be single for a while.

grinandslothit · 30/05/2024 05:26

Didn't say if you lived with him or not but he is horribly abusive. Cut your losses and get out of this mess.

WaltzingWaters · 30/05/2024 05:33

He sounds awful. Block. Don’t let your children think that’s either an acceptable way to behave or an acceptable person to let into your lives. You’re worth more than that. He’s just trying to control you and put you down.

Marblessolveeverything · 30/05/2024 05:39

He is a horrible individual. You deserve better leave now.

TheSandgroper · 30/05/2024 06:09

I think it’s time you learnt to live on your own. No bloke, no sex, no pandering, no insults, no theft.

Make your decisions for you and live with them. It will be the making of you. Nothing you want him to provide is worth what he actually is providing.

SherbetDips · 30/05/2024 06:12

I don’t anything about relationships as I’ve never had one or plan to. But he sounds pretty horrible…

ZekeZeke · 30/05/2024 06:17

You have moved from one abusive relationship to another. You need to work on yourself to figure out why you think this is what you deserve.
Your children and you deserve more.
Forget about the bag or other material things, if he has any stuff at yours put it in bin bags, leave outside and block him.

GCAcademic · 30/05/2024 06:20

Did you have any sort of therapy after your last relationship? Because it sounds like you've gone from one abusive relationship to another. You need to leave this man and spend some time working on yourself before even contemplating another relationship.

Lifelong · 30/05/2024 06:22

You brought another abusive man into your home.
Report his theft to 101 for advice, but NEVER allow him near you, your child, your home again.
He is highly abusive and possibly unstable and dangerous.

TheOccupier · 30/05/2024 06:44

You need the Freedom Programme (Google it). This guy is not the one.

cerisepanther73 · 30/05/2024 06:48

@Donnat84

You have answered your own question in your mumsnet thread that's for sure,

Your beginning of your thread was really like a jolt memory from the past for myself

on what a emotional pschological abusive Arsehole Prick my ex partner father of my children he really was,
He has quite recently died,

My advice is to you is to ditch him your partner the earliest opportunity as soon you can,
it will never get any better than this,
This is as good as it get seriously,

It could even get worse, !

I agree with all the ubove poster's 100 per cent
there is a general Census pattern happening now and it's all a similar thing

Take heed and listen

He is a real nasty man child who will never grow up in any way,

He will if it suits him play act being nice if there is something in it that he clearly sees benefit himself..

Roundroundthegarden · 30/05/2024 06:50

What are you doing? Is he the only man on the planet? He's treating you like a fool and you are allowing him. Why would you bring someone like this into your kids lives, then knowing what he does still entertain him? Come on op, make better decisions for yourself but more importantly your kids who don't have a choice who their mom brings home.

cerisepanther73 · 30/05/2024 06:50

@marie3e

Wow i didn't know that is classic narcissistic behaviour 😳
Making fun of your partner in front of people.

Ethylred · 30/05/2024 07:12

Do not walk away. Run.

cerisepanther73 · 30/05/2024 07:17

Oh my God

Yes 👏🏿 this
Hot 🔥 foot it away quick out this relationship
@Ethylred is so spot right in more ways than one..

Nicole1111 · 30/05/2024 07:19

You’re likely accepting poor treatment because your self esteem took a battering in your last relationship and your view of what you should expect from a partner is skewed. You need to end this relationship, commit to spending some time single, work on your self esteem (either read the book overcoming low self esteem or get on an iapt course) and do the freedom programme (at your local children’s centre or online).

Divilabit · 30/05/2024 07:21

Well, you’re being unreasonable to continue in a relationship with someone who behaves consistently badly to you for sure!

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