to think I'm probably not going to meet anyone..

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 28/05/2024 00:23

They say you can create your own reality. Close your eyes regularly and feel what the perfect other half and other child would feel like in your life doing ordinary regular stuff and someday you might realise there they are. This kind of happened me. Focus on being your best self and the one Mr perfect will meet when the time is right.

Theredoubtableskins · 28/05/2024 00:32

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 28/05/2024 00:23

They say you can create your own reality. Close your eyes regularly and feel what the perfect other half and other child would feel like in your life doing ordinary regular stuff and someday you might realise there they are. This kind of happened me. Focus on being your best self and the one Mr perfect will meet when the time is right.

🤨Yeah…. Ok.

It won’t just happen. And it’s difficult. I became a single parent when I had an 18 month old and a 4 week old. I didn’t date at all for 6 years. Nothing at all, because two young kids and no time and no life! Then I tried online dating, but with my kids still being kinda young, I never felt comfortable with the idea of a man being introduced to their life so I knew nothing would become long term, so I don’t have experience of dating with a young child.

My kids are 12 and 11 now, and I started dating a year ago. Went the online route again and went on dates with about 12 men, some nice and some terrible but you need to get out there. Five months ago, I met the man I’m with now and he is perfect (so far). We’ve had bugs to work out, but nothing of any consequence and it’s been so easy. I’m 35, and I did think for a long time that I’d be alone forever, but once you get yourself out there… you really might meet someone great. Mine is still very new, it’ll be months and months before I think of him meeting my kids but it’s lovely. I’m glad I gave the online dating a try.

That’s just a little snapshot of my experience. Meeting someone is possible.

PopcornPop · 28/05/2024 00:36

Well yes probably for a long time if you don't want to date single dads but want someone without children to take on your child, it does happen but you are limiting yourself so will take longer especially in your 30s where a lot of men will have children. At least you get the opportunity to date I've been single 7 years because my kids dad won't have them so I've had to make peace with the loneliness. You get use to it.

Theredoubtableskins · 28/05/2024 00:43

PopcornPop · 28/05/2024 00:36

Well yes probably for a long time if you don't want to date single dads but want someone without children to take on your child, it does happen but you are limiting yourself so will take longer especially in your 30s where a lot of men will have children. At least you get the opportunity to date I've been single 7 years because my kids dad won't have them so I've had to make peace with the loneliness. You get use to it.

My kid’s dad didn’t see them for several years at all. Very slow reintroduction and now it’s one day every two weeks. It just sucks, doesn’t it? And makes it so much harder.
But if I can meet someone, it isn’t totally hopeless for you either. Especially as the kids get older. Don’t give up on it entirely.

Namechangedmumm · 28/05/2024 00:44

It will be harder if you winnow out single men but not impossible!

I know many single mums who have met wonderful partners

PopcornPop · 28/05/2024 00:45

Theredoubtableskins · 28/05/2024 00:43

My kid’s dad didn’t see them for several years at all. Very slow reintroduction and now it’s one day every two weeks. It just sucks, doesn’t it? And makes it so much harder.
But if I can meet someone, it isn’t totally hopeless for you either. Especially as the kids get older. Don’t give up on it entirely.

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I have no one that would babysit them so I wouldn't even try to meet anyone. When they are adults I guess but I worry I will be too old by then 🫣

RogueFemale · 28/05/2024 01:05

Neeemo · 27/05/2024 23:54

...any time soon?

Single 30 something year old Single mum to a 5yo. Online dating is hopeless. Don't want to date a single dad as every time I've tried it's been a ballache with 2 kids' schedules to work around. Hardly any time to date.

I'm lonely.

Best way to meet someone or just accept singledom and move on?

Would love to have another biological child - ethical way to do it on my own? I can't think of one.

Just feeling very lost.

I don't understand why you'd want to have another child in this situation! You say already that it's been impossible with kids' schedules to work around with dating single dads. If you have another child, then that's yet more complications.

What's in it for you or the maybe-another-child? Can you afford another child?

Also, speaking as the child of a single mother, I didn't enjoy being the illegitimate child of a single mother. Wished I had normal family like other girls at school. I never wanted children, I think as a result.

Firefly1987 · 28/05/2024 01:07

It's a bit hypocritical not to date single dads but if you don't want to you'll just have to accept it'll be much harder. Childless single men are like gold dust and will be snapped up quickly, usually by childless women...

Lucyloo223 · 28/05/2024 01:09

I'm 30 something single 4. 5 years and feel exactly the same. It doesn't matter how many times people say I'll meet someone, I'm starting to accept now that I won't.

Theredoubtableskins · 28/05/2024 01:13

RogueFemale · 28/05/2024 01:05

I don't understand why you'd want to have another child in this situation! You say already that it's been impossible with kids' schedules to work around with dating single dads. If you have another child, then that's yet more complications.

What's in it for you or the maybe-another-child? Can you afford another child?

Also, speaking as the child of a single mother, I didn't enjoy being the illegitimate child of a single mother. Wished I had normal family like other girls at school. I never wanted children, I think as a result.

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Illegitimate? Where you born in the 1800s? I think we can move on from that ridiculous notion. There really is no implication from being “illegitimate” nowadays and it makes not a damn bit of difference. About a third of families are single parent families now. So…maybe keep your old fashioned views to
yourself?

RogueFemale · 28/05/2024 01:31

Theredoubtableskins · 28/05/2024 01:13

Illegitimate? Where you born in the 1800s? I think we can move on from that ridiculous notion. There really is no implication from being “illegitimate” nowadays and it makes not a damn bit of difference. About a third of families are single parent families now. So…maybe keep your old fashioned views to
yourself?

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Of course I know there are happily unmarried families these days. There are still men who get women pregnant and refuse to take responsibility for the child or commit to the mother of the child. And it does make a difference, even today. I can't see how it's desirable for any child to have an absent 'father', whose absence demonstrates his disregard and lack of care for both child and mother, regardless of the century.

Februaryfeels · 28/05/2024 01:34

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 28/05/2024 00:23

They say you can create your own reality. Close your eyes regularly and feel what the perfect other half and other child would feel like in your life doing ordinary regular stuff and someday you might realise there they are. This kind of happened me. Focus on being your best self and the one Mr perfect will meet when the time is right.

🤣🤣🤣

Inmynotgivingafuckera · 28/05/2024 07:12

Edited as posted on the wrong thread!

Theredoubtableskins · 28/05/2024 07:14

@Inmynotgivingafuckera
Wrong thread.

Original poster

Neeemo · 28/05/2024 07:26

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 28/05/2024 00:23

They say you can create your own reality. Close your eyes regularly and feel what the perfect other half and other child would feel like in your life doing ordinary regular stuff and someday you might realise there they are. This kind of happened me. Focus on being your best self and the one Mr perfect will meet when the time is right.

Needed this chuckle this morning.

OP posts:

Original poster

Neeemo · 28/05/2024 07:27

PopcornPop · 28/05/2024 00:36

Well yes probably for a long time if you don't want to date single dads but want someone without children to take on your child, it does happen but you are limiting yourself so will take longer especially in your 30s where a lot of men will have children. At least you get the opportunity to date I've been single 7 years because my kids dad won't have them so I've had to make peace with the loneliness. You get use to it.

My son's dad sees him once a month for a day. My friends or family have him or I pay for a babysitter. Not everyone has that though so I'm very lucky.

OP posts:

Original poster

Neeemo · 28/05/2024 07:30

RogueFemale · 28/05/2024 01:05

I don't understand why you'd want to have another child in this situation! You say already that it's been impossible with kids' schedules to work around with dating single dads. If you have another child, then that's yet more complications.

What's in it for you or the maybe-another-child? Can you afford another child?

Also, speaking as the child of a single mother, I didn't enjoy being the illegitimate child of a single mother. Wished I had normal family like other girls at school. I never wanted children, I think as a result.

Show quote history

Please don't refer to my son as illegitimate. If that's what you want to call yourself then fine.

I was raised by a single mother. I had a wonderful life.

OP posts:

SherbetDips · 28/05/2024 07:31

I gave up on that a long time ago. And focusing on me. And I want kids so it’ll have to be alone.

Original poster

Neeemo · 28/05/2024 07:32

Firefly1987 · 28/05/2024 01:07

It's a bit hypocritical not to date single dads but if you don't want to you'll just have to accept it'll be much harder. Childless single men are like gold dust and will be snapped up quickly, usually by childless women...

This is my concern. But many of my friends have met childless men, and a couple of my male friends have met women with children so it's not impossible!

OP posts:

yumyumyumy · 28/05/2024 07:34

It's likely a young single man will want a young single woman without children to start his own family. It's baggage they don't have to take on. It's a bit short sighted to completely cut out men with children already.

Original poster

Neeemo · 28/05/2024 07:36

yumyumyumy · 28/05/2024 07:34

It's likely a young single man will want a young single woman without children to start his own family. It's baggage they don't have to take on. It's a bit short sighted to completely cut out men with children already.

It's based on experience. I'll never say never though.

OP posts:

Needanewname42 · 28/05/2024 10:22

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

Restlessinthenorth · 28/05/2024 10:27

I am a single mum of two. Been with a lovely childless bloke for nearly 3 years now. It's totally possible. And for what's it worth I totally agree with you re dating men with children. Complete ball ache in my experience and I'd never do it again if I became single. Hold out for what you want. No reason at all it can't happen

Gogogo12345 · 28/05/2024 11:00

PopcornPop · 28/05/2024 00:36

Well yes probably for a long time if you don't want to date single dads but want someone without children to take on your child, it does happen but you are limiting yourself so will take longer especially in your 30s where a lot of men will have children. At least you get the opportunity to date I've been single 7 years because my kids dad won't have them so I've had to make peace with the loneliness. You get use to it.

I wouldn't touch a single dad either tbh. However I never expected a man I dated to be involved with my kids

PopcornPop · 28/05/2024 11:06

Gogogo12345 · 28/05/2024 11:00

I wouldn't touch a single dad either tbh. However I never expected a man I dated to be involved with my kids

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Only op wants other kids so how would that work? Fine to not want to date a single dad but obviously expect it to take longer as most childless men will prefer Childress women.