Page 2 | to think I'm probably not going to meet anyone..

Neeemo · 2024-05-27T22:54:30+00:00

...any time soon? Single 30 something year old Single mum to a 5yo. Online dating is hopeless. Don't want to date a single dad as every time I've tried it's been a ballache with 2 kids' schedules to work around. Hardly any time to date. I'm lonely. Best way to meet someone or just accept singledom and move on? Would love to have another biological child - ethical way to do it on my own? I can't think of one. Just feeling very lost.

Theredoubtableskins · 28/05/2024 11:09

PopcornPop · 28/05/2024 11:06

Only op wants other kids so how would that work? Fine to not want to date a single dad but obviously expect it to take longer as most childless men will prefer Childress women.

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With all the dates I had this past year, only one had children. The rest all childless. Guy I’m with now is childless. However, I’m mid 30s and he is 44 so maybe that’s the compromise? He’s older.

dottiedodah · 28/05/2024 11:19

I think ruling out a man with kids is a bit short sighted really.I would imagine that not many single men would be up for meeting a woman with children already.Also less likely to understand ,if DC have demands on your time or whatever .Be patient and someone will come along .Our old NDN met their DH through her parents NDN!

C1N1C · 28/05/2024 11:59

There are men who are fine with dating single mums... but many see it as a no-win. What do they get out of it?

They (eventually) end up supporting you AND the child
The child may (often) end up not taking 'stepdad' seriously "you're not my real dad!"
The man can't discipline the child as if it were his own
The man is always the villain in any disputes
Competition/presence of bio-dad
Child ALWAYS comes first (no time, cancelled dates, etc)
Sex drive often plummets after children (frequently mentioned on MN)
What if he loves you, but the child is a monster?
Even if it's long term, and the new man loves DC, if the relationship breaks up, he has ZERO rights... so he loses you, loses the child, and probably a fair bit of time/money over the time raising them

Obviously there are comparable reasons for dating single dads too...

Theredoubtableskins · 28/05/2024 12:04

@C1N1C

Excuse me, what? Another person from
the 1800s who thinks women can’t support themselves. You actually think every single mum is looking for a new man to
support her and her kids? You realise we can earn our own money, buy our own property. We’re even allowed bank accounts!

bibop · 28/05/2024 12:08

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 28/05/2024 00:23

They say you can create your own reality. Close your eyes regularly and feel what the perfect other half and other child would feel like in your life doing ordinary regular stuff and someday you might realise there they are. This kind of happened me. Focus on being your best self and the one Mr perfect will meet when the time is right.

People may scoff at this advice but I have used this kind of technique successfully, in life changing ways.

C1N1C · 28/05/2024 12:57

Theredoubtableskins · 28/05/2024 12:04

@C1N1C

Excuse me, what? Another person from
the 1800s who thinks women can’t support themselves. You actually think every single mum is looking for a new man to
support her and her kids? You realise we can earn our own money, buy our own property. We’re even allowed bank accounts!

You're right, but this is one point out of many. Children do take time, and full-time work with a child is very difficult, I don't think anyone would dispute that. Childcare is phenomenally expensive. You may be successful, you may not need (or want) a partner's support, but life is easier with it. No-one ever enters a relationship (if they're a single parent or otherwise) saying they don't want any money or support ever, from that partner. That partner (man or woman) will inevitably have to pay for food, petrol, utilities (if living together), activities, for you and that child at some point. These are costs that that person would not otherwise have had to have paid had that child not been there, so I think my point is fair. Dating a single parent will cost more than dating a single person.

Gogogo12345 · 28/05/2024 19:46

dottiedodah · 28/05/2024 11:19

I think ruling out a man with kids is a bit short sighted really.I would imagine that not many single men would be up for meeting a woman with children already.Also less likely to understand ,if DC have demands on your time or whatever .Be patient and someone will come along .Our old NDN met their DH through her parents NDN!

Hmm I was a single parent with 2 kids when I met the guy who became my sons Dad. We were together 9 years. After him I met my ex husband who also had no kids. ( Never had any with him) Now my partner has kids but they were grown up and had left home. It's really not been an issue.

Firefly1987 · 29/05/2024 02:14

Neeemo · 28/05/2024 07:32

This is my concern. But many of my friends have met childless men, and a couple of my male friends have met women with children so it's not impossible!

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Oh for sure. I knew a guy once (friend of my brother) he was mid to late 30s, no kids, no long-term relationships that I knew of. Then suddenly I hear he's buying a house with a single mum of three and getting married! Soon had a baby on the way and as far as I know they're still together ~15 years later. I have no idea why no one had snapped him up before (I would've done if he hadn't been my brothers friend who I'd known since I was a kid!) so yes it absolutely can happen.

I used to be firmly against dating single dads and I'll still state that on online dating, but if I met someone naturally who I was attracted to who happened to be a dad I'd possibly give it a go. I expect a lot of men without kids are probably the same. Wish you luck!