Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding without marriage

289 replies

DelythBeautyQueen · 27/05/2024 13:37

My cousin who lives in North East England was supposed to be getting married next month.

Attending won't be cheap, but we were looking forward to celebrating Anna's and James' special day.

They will have all the trappings of an extravagant wedding. They are not wealthy and have taken out a large loan to pay for for it.

The bride and groom asked guests to give them money for their honeymoon in the Caribbean instead of gifts. We were happy to do that and sent them £300 a few weeks ago.

They originally intended to have the legal marriage ceremony in their local registry office a day or two before the wedding celebration and a non-legal humanist ceremony on the day. I know this is a fairly common thing nowadays and had no problem with it.

I found out last night Anna and James have decided to have the legal ceremony while on honeymoon, not before the "wedding". I wouldn't see this as too much of a problem if they were going straight on honeymoon from the wedding, but they are not.

It turns out that they haven't even booked the honeymoon yet and intend to go "sometime next year".

The "wedding" next month will go ahead exactly as planned. The bride and groom do not intend to tell guests that they won't actually be married. The only reason I know is because my aunt is very upset and told her sister (my mum).

I know that a few members of the family are stretching financially to attend this "wedding" for a couple that will not be married at the end of it and probably won't be married for as much as 18 months after it.

Am I being unreasonable for being angry about this. That we have been deceived into attending a sham wedding?

OP posts:
Wotcher · 20/06/2024 15:09

I’m never sure why people get so het up about this.

It’s just a contract. Someone else’s contract. It neither matters to, nor affects you whether it exists or not, it applies only to them.

If you go to a wedding you’re just agreeing to attend a formal party with friends and family to celebrate a relationship. You’re still doing that. Who cares?

HouseofPies · 08/07/2024 13:48

Wotcher · 20/06/2024 15:09

I’m never sure why people get so het up about this.

It’s just a contract. Someone else’s contract. It neither matters to, nor affects you whether it exists or not, it applies only to them.

If you go to a wedding you’re just agreeing to attend a formal party with friends and family to celebrate a relationship. You’re still doing that. Who cares?

Because it’s fraudulent to call it a wedding ceremony if they aren’t getting married.

They can call it a commitment ceremony if they’d prefer but I suspect that many guests wouldn’t attend in that case or they’d attend but definitely not spend £200 on a gift for the party hosts in that instance. A couple of bottles of wine tops.

Wotcher · 08/07/2024 16:13

HouseofPies · 08/07/2024 13:48

Because it’s fraudulent to call it a wedding ceremony if they aren’t getting married.

They can call it a commitment ceremony if they’d prefer but I suspect that many guests wouldn’t attend in that case or they’d attend but definitely not spend £200 on a gift for the party hosts in that instance. A couple of bottles of wine tops.

“Fraudulent” 😂😂😂😂😂

innerdesign · 08/07/2024 16:37

Wotcher · 08/07/2024 16:13

“Fraudulent” 😂😂😂😂😂

Arguably it is, it's against the law for the person performing the ceremony to pretend it's legally binding if it isn't

Caroparo52 · 08/07/2024 16:56

Big smart party for a woman wearing a white dress who then nips off for holiday of a lifetime paid for by you all. Repeat. Brilliant. They should make a film of it
😅😅😅😅

DelythBeautyQueen · 08/07/2024 18:06

There have a few (happy) developments since I started this thread.

A few family members got to hear what the couple intended and after a few words they realised that the plan wasn't going to go down well with most people.

It turns out that while planning their honeymoon and looking at wedding and honeymoon packages, they got a bit carried away by the romance of it all and wanted to get married there (I know, I don't really understand it either). When they realised how it looked to other people they decided to go back to the original plan.

As they had to give notice to get married in the registry office, they were unable to have the ceremony before the wedding, but managed to book it for 10 days after.

We attended the celebration last month and had a lovely weekend. The couple went to the registry office last week with two witnesses and are now legally married.

The honeymoon, to which we were happy to contribute is booked for next May.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 08/07/2024 18:23

Great update @DelythBeautyQueen

Tagyoureit · 08/07/2024 19:03

Thanks for the update

Wotcher · 08/07/2024 22:57

innerdesign · 08/07/2024 16:37

Arguably it is, it's against the law for the person performing the ceremony to pretend it's legally binding if it isn't

Not to the guests! 😩😂😂😂

Wotcher · 08/07/2024 22:59

DelythBeautyQueen · 08/07/2024 18:06

There have a few (happy) developments since I started this thread.

A few family members got to hear what the couple intended and after a few words they realised that the plan wasn't going to go down well with most people.

It turns out that while planning their honeymoon and looking at wedding and honeymoon packages, they got a bit carried away by the romance of it all and wanted to get married there (I know, I don't really understand it either). When they realised how it looked to other people they decided to go back to the original plan.

As they had to give notice to get married in the registry office, they were unable to have the ceremony before the wedding, but managed to book it for 10 days after.

We attended the celebration last month and had a lovely weekend. The couple went to the registry office last week with two witnesses and are now legally married.

The honeymoon, to which we were happy to contribute is booked for next May.

Edited

Surely that’s not a honeymoon then, it’s just a holiday! 🤣

DelythBeautyQueen · 08/07/2024 23:25

Wotcher · 08/07/2024 22:59

Surely that’s not a honeymoon then, it’s just a holiday! 🤣

I agree, but I'm so relieved it all worked out I'm prepared to ignore that detail! 🤣

OP posts:
PardonSmardon · 09/07/2024 02:51

I can’t see the point of getting upset over this, they are still getting married but with different timings so there will still be a wedding and celebration regardless.

PardonSmardon · 09/07/2024 02:56

So they had a logical reason for things … mixed up planning. I find it a bit over the top that everyone’s been so judgy.

PBandJ111 · 09/07/2024 06:41

I think they are out of order as they’re not doing what has been communicated, he, get married. Bit of a swizz.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page