How often do you see your parents/inlaws?

[Trunkybum]

If you live locally to either yours or your partners family, how much time do you spend with them?

AIBU to think committing a day every weekend to spending time with them is a bit much?

My mother is 5 minutes away, maybe see her for an hour once a week/ 2 weeks.
My dad it can be 6-8 months, again, he is about 20 minutes away.
In laws, once every 8-9 months, they are about 20 minutes away.
My dad and the in laws have zero interest in us or my kids. No fall outs at all, get on perfectly fine, they just are not bothered about ever seeing any of us.
My mum is alone, so I take her shopping and Bob round to make sure she is ok.

I saw my mum last Saturday and then Tuesday and on Sunday called and received a long whinge about how bored she is and a list of other people’s children who call every day.

I see my mother in law on special occasions and when she gets cross with DH for not making time for her.

One side is divorced so a day a weekend would be more than an entire weekend. Not reasonable.

Probably see MIL once a month, but OH spends an afternoon a week with her as she lives on his route back from work - they usually go for a long walk. Last time I saw her (2 weeks ago) I took her out to an arty crafty exhibition for a few hours. SIL also goes over weekly.

I think it depends on how dependent and capable they are. At the moment MIL is fit and active with a busy social life. At some point I am sure she will need more input - hopefully not for some time to come.

My parents live at the other end of the country, so two-four times a year.

My folks like 15 mins away, we see them quite often but there’s no real schedule to it at all. Depends on everyone’s plans! I’d say we probably average one weekend a month? But I do see them during the week too (they help with childcare - angels!)

My parents are about twenty minutes away. We see them at least one day every weekend and sometimes during the week too.

We love each other. Why wouldn’t we want to spend that time with them?!

MIL died earlier this year but I see my FIL about four days a week.

I see my mum maybe twice a month and dad maybe twice a year.

Don’t see mine at the moment sadly. But it was once a week for many years. It used to visit twice a week and like above, I got a guilt trip phone call to say how lonely life is etc and I got the blame for my mothers unhappiness. This time, my mothers temper and mean words have pushed me away.

I see my parents pretty much every day as DF takes DS to and from school. I only see MIL maybe once a year because she lives about 700 miles away, but would definitely see her more regularly if she was closer. I’m lucky MIL is a lot of fun!

Parents I see a couple of times a week. I'll pop in for 30 mins before or after a school run. In law probably once a month, would be more but partner isn't about seeing his mum unless I mention it.

Parents and in laws are approx half hr away in opposite directions.
See parents once every 2-4 weeks depending on how busy we are, in laws more sporadic but probably keep in touch more via phone.
My parents are very old fashioned and not tech savvy so no smartphones etc; I used to try to get to them once a week because of this but it was too much commitment and I was missing out on quality weekend family time of our own due to having to factor in seeing them so often so YANBU

When my mum was alive I saw my parents every weekend even if just a quick call round. I saw my mum every day as I worked with her.
when she died I committed my Sundays to doing my dad a Sunday dinner every week.
that lasted 18 very hard months of him speaking to us like shit, getting pissed and outstaying his welcome.
now it’s an hour a week tops, on my own as I don’t want to subject my husband to him any further.
don’t think I realised how much my mum filtered him!

I wouldn’t like to commit, and rigidly stick to, seeing them once a week, but we do generally see them once a week anyway.
My parent and siblings (they all live an hour from me, but only 10ish minutes from each other) I like to see on the weekend as my parent works full time and my nieces and nephews all go to school/preschool now, and my son just loves to see them all. He asks to go constantly! I generally get there for 10ish and leave at around 4:30.
My in-laws live about 5 minutes away, and one works for us full time and the other does a day a week childcare for us 😂 so we see them a lot! We tend to do dinner together on a Sunday once every couple of weeks too. We don’t spend the whole day together in the same way as my own family though.
We all message all the time though, sending photos and snippets about our days etc. One group chat for the in laws and a couple for my family.

We don’t see them at all anymore but we used to see mine and DH’s parents at least once a week for a few hours. For the entire day maybe once a month

My Mum does child care for me on a Monday. We eat together on a Monday night. I probably see her once more that week. We live on the same estate.

See fil (10 min drive) every few months. Mil does a day a week child care too. DP sorts and I see her every 6 weeks ish. This is more than enough for both of us.

God YANBU. FIL moved 20 mins away from us (previously 4+ hours away) in a pass agg effort to make us have no excuse to not see him all the time. So we make sure we see him just as little, probably 4x a year.

My parents live very locally but there's no 'schedule'. We probably see them once or twice a week for not always for long.

My in-laws all live several hours away. We see my husband's brother, and husband's sister and family, maybe two or three times a year. He doesn't speak to his mother or other siblings.

Mother - as little as possible.
Dad - a year ago for a couple of hours? Before that was 5 years.

Not very often!

For me spending a whole day together every weekend is too much. In laws are miles away so hardly ever see them but my parents are nearby. I see them 2 or 3 times a week as we might call round or the kids go round theirs after school, but actually planning to get together and spend a day together, about once a month.

I can't imagine spending a full day with either side.
Husband's side in passing most days for a few minutes.
My side probably once a week for an hour or so. They are hard work now and my mental health just can't manage it.

We have two little ones under five, who both have multiple activities like swimming (and often parties) at weekends. Factoring in our family time too (like a trip to the farm), there's no way we would have time for a full day at a weekend with either side. We try and see each lot for a couple of hours a fortnight.

Ours were just under and just over an hour away. We used to set aside a weekend each every month to see them. Sometimes it was just a day visit, sometimes the whole weekend. (No children at home).
Then my mother moved up to the same place as us and we used to see her once a week regularly, but also other times for events, appointments etc. I sometimes took her shopping, or to the theatre, or I would go over to help with something, and she was always invited to family lunch which was roughly monthly.
They are all dead now and we have our weekends to ourselves, which is nice, but I would rather they were still here, and I think we should have made more of an effort to see them more often. I miss them.

And conversely - now I have adult children - it would be nice to see them more. One lives around 5 hours away and comes to see us for a long weekend every 3 months or so. It's a long way so I do understand she can't do it very often. She doesn't have room for us to stay and accommodation close by would be around £600, which is why we rarely go there.
The other one lives 5 miles away. We only see her family when we arrange something or when we are doing something for her. She has a very busy life and any spare time is usually taken up with doing things for the children, but it does rankle. Neither of us is in good health, we are both in the last decade of our lives, or less (health reasons), we can't do as much for them now as we used to. Quite frankly I feel used - it would be lovely to be invited over there occasionally - even if to sit in the garden and chat. We can't host Christmas any more, but the alternative is to be on our own as we don't get invited there.
When you are complaining about having to spend time with parents/in laws, think about what they do for you (if they do) and what it would be like without them. Maybe (I know not always) it might make you appreciate them a little more.

My dad is the nearest, we see him maybe once every 3-4 weeks for a proper catch up, with occasional drops ins in between, usually just involving me. My mum is much further away, about a 50 minute drive and she doesn't have a car, so we see her every 6-8 weeks.
DH's dad is also about a 50 minute drive. Him and his wife don't like me much, so I see them maybe three times a year, DH will sometimes go over on his own. DH's mum lives in Spain. We've not seen her for nearly three years as her husband won't come back over and we can't afford to go there when it isn't a holiday (live in an expat community with nothing to do, even the beach is absolutely miles away).

When DC were schoolage DPs sometimes used to help with transport to swimming/football clubs and class parties at weekends and then bring them back so we could eat together. Between DPs social lives and the DCs activities it was tricky to schedule family time otherwise. As the DC became teenagers and DPs became frail it turned into sunday lunch once every 2 or 3 weeks. Now DCs have flown the nest and DPs are all passed away we have all time in the world and we do miss them all!

I hope there is a backstory, otherwise that's just mean