How often do you see your parents/inlaws?

[Trunkybum]

If you live locally to either yours or your partners family, how much time do you spend with them?

AIBU to think committing a day every weekend to spending time with them is a bit much?

My parents once a week or once a fortnight but never any longer than that.

DH's parents, once every 3/4 months. They don't live that far away but they are pretty useless and we don't have a close relationship. Sometimes it bothers me that they're quite rubbish but then I remember I don't need to see them much!

My parents live 3 mins away. I see them a few times a week, sometimes for a day out but mostly just stopping by for a coffee, they help out with DS etc. as a family (ie with dp), probably once every couple of months we might go for dinner as he works a lot and I don’t want to dilute his time with DD. Actually it’s probably less than that. He sometimes sees them if they pop by to drop off something.

ETA I think a planned devoted day each weekend is a lot. I wouldn’t mind doing that with my parents but wouldn’t expect DP to.

Once, sometimes twice, a month is enough for me and I like my in-laws.

My parents leave 1.5 hours away. I see them 1-2 times a month depending on what is going on. Once every week would be far too much, I need my own space and I have my own life.

@DilemmaDelilah I understand how you feel, however my mother emigrated away from her widowed mother and called her once a week, visited once a year. That was her ‘adult child’ behaviour.

But her apparent expectation is that I visit weekly for as many hours as possible, when I am ready to leave she produces a list of chores to stop me leaving. The entire visit is made up of her complaining and being negative about experiences and people we know. She also expects calls and texts throughout the week. Again most responses are negative. She dislikes all my friends and her own friends.

Also, I have a brother and he has no such list of expectations. A call once a month would be fine from him.

Spending time with her brings me down mentally, she’s not mean to me and by her actions is a really good person. But the relentless negativity and expectation feels draining. I cannot be her only friend and her maid and all her entertainment.

I have also unfortunately taken on board that my son will do nowhere near as much as I do for his grandmother.

We see my in laws fortnightly on a Friday evening; we get a takeaway and catch up together. Always my MIL and her partner, sometimes my SIL and/or BIL. I used to resent it but now I quite like it and I do love how close the family is, both to each other as adults but also to our DC - I grew up over 150 miles away from both sets of grandparents so it's a very different experience to my youth, they actually all know each other.

When DM was alive I used to visit her every other Sunday, but she died ten years ago. DDad lives 90mins away - we see him maybe 5/6 times a year, and they have their grandchildren to stay a couple of times a year.

My mum who lives 1min walk from me - maybe once a month because she just isn't interested and I'm not going to keep being disappointed when I try see her. So I wait for her to ask to see us.

MIL - 4 days. For around an hour on 2 of those days and 5 hours the other 2 days. I bloody love my MIL though, she is my best friend.

I see my parents maybe 2x per month. They’re about 30 mins away and I invite them here 1x month for Sunday dinner with us. 1x month I take the kids over to see them. Sometimes we’ll arrange to meet up for a meal as well or there will be a larger family gathering we’ll be at together (large wider family - so weddings, funerals, birthday parties, christenings)

FIL (widowed) lives in another city 250 miles away. We have him to stay with us for long visits, he was here 6 weeks Xmas and new year, 3 weeks Easter, 3 weeks late summer. In between DH visits for an overnight. FIL is in process of buying a house down our road so that’s all about to change. He’s 90 and needs more assistance so we’ll be looking after him to a great extent.

We don't commit to set days and times but see my mum at least every other day she lives 5 mins away and see my partners parents at least twice a week were all in contact over text most days several times a day. We have 3 sen children though and zero outside support except for our families my partner works a million hours so I can take on the hospital appointments and care needs.

My DF lives 10 mins away…. I see him every couple of weeks on average. Often a quick coffee on my lunch break or taking him to an appointment.

MIL lives an hour away and we probably see her on average once a month. Sometimes more if there are birthdays etc.

I think every weekend would feel too much. Not because I wouldn’t want to see them but because there is never enough time to do everything we want/need already.

With full time jobs and kids, after school and weekend activities and matches, and other family to also visit, committing to a full day every weekend is far too much.

I try to see family (who live 5 mins away) for a couple of hours every second week.

I see my dad once a week. He lives about 40 miles away but I happily do the round trip so I can sort out his meds, do a few jobs and spend some time with him. We also talk on the phone at least once a day.

He's a brilliant dad. Even though he's got multiple health issues and restricted mobility, he's 100% there for me emotionally if I need him. I had a similar relationship with my mum but when she died very suddenly, dad and I were sort of thrown together. We formed a really close bond in that time. I know I won't always have him and also that I'm very fortunate to have well-rounded, decent humans for parents.

Mil and my mum live 5 minutes away, probably see them on average once a week but there are no set plans. I drop into either of their houses if I’m passing, sometimes will go to a supermarket near them and see some nice flowers I think they’ll like and stop by with them.
both sets come round for lunch or dinner once every couple of months. Mil stops by here if she’s passing and we often meet her and the rest of the family for a Sunday walk but again not set in stone.
i saw my mum on Friday for a few hours and we message each other most days.
My dad I see for a few hours every few months. He lives further away but I like to keep him at arms length.

Would never commit to a schedule - we all have busy lives. A few times a year I guess.

The in-laws live about 15/20 mins away and we see them once in 6 weeks-ish. They have zero interest in us and spend the whole time talking about DPs sister and her family so we don’t visit much. They very rarely come to see us.
My DPs live 3 hours away and we see them about a weekend per month, staying with each other for the weekend. They are so supportive of us and will bend over backwards to help us, which makes us do our best to return the favour. Even my DP prefers spending time with my parents over his own. We hope my parents will move near us eventually and we’d definitely see them weekly, for dinner or visits but wouldn’t make a rigid plan to us all having our own lives and commitments.

My parents are dead - PILs are elderly- we've moved to be within an hour of them (plane ride before). We see them about every two weeks - this is likely to increase as they get older

I think in many cases it's dependent on age of parents and children

When my kids were little we saw the both a lot more that now....my parents helped with wrap around childcare and I would pop in most weekends as well. MIL would arrange to come round every couple of weeks.

No kids are older but so are parents. I pop in to see mine for 20mins-1hr at a time to check on them. MIL we see less frequently because she is further away and we can't just pop in without making an arrangement.