To not tell discuss my Sexually Transmitted Infection with people who may have caught it?

[Hoolet]

I think I have an STI and plan to tell the person I caught it from.

I know of other women he has been sleeping with around the time of our fling. He is the sort of person to find any difficult conversation too difficult to have at all. I am certain he won’t tell them.

AIBU to think this is not my problem?

I have a friend with HIV and he doesn't tell the people he sleeps with that he has it, so I really think that just telling the person you actually slept with is fine and probably better than average.

Wtaf?! Wasn't someone prosecuted for this recently?

How could you be friends with someone that blasé? How does he justify his POV?

Does he use protection? Does he tell them if they ask if he has an STI/STD?

Depends whether he's contagious or not. Most HIV positive people in the UK who are properly medicated aren't contagious.

Personally I'd err on the side of disclosure but if you've got an undetectable viral load then a lot of people would argue that it's fine not to.

It is never fine to have sex with anyone when you have any disease without disclosure. It is just wrong.

Jesus Christ it's a minefield out there. I wonder if this man would lie if asked directly?

The comments outraged following this comment are suck in the 90s. There is treatment now that makes it impossible to pass it on. There really isnt a need to tell anyone

Would you do the same if you saw a boiler rolling down the hill towards them, or if you could see they were about to be scammed.

I know this isn’t the point at all, but just puzzled about a boiler rolling down the hill?

I suspect they mean boulder.

Yeah, sure, no need for consent anymore. What a joke. All it takes is for the person with hiv to get lax with taking their medication and their viral load can become detectable again and able to infect others.

Wouldn't recommend the OP take moral advice from someone who could be friends with a man who doesn't inform his sexual partners of his hiv status. I really hope your friend is at least using condoms and/or taking medication because otherwise he may be breaking the law.

I lost my best friend to AIDS in 1993. I have campaigned against the stigma for HIV and AIDS sufferers ever since, I am still outraged that a positive patient, even with no detectable viral load, is still not being upfront and possibly having sex without a condom and without the consent of the other person. They may consent to sex with a healthy person, it doesn't mean they consent to sex with a person with HIV however small the risk to themselves.

It seems people think these days due to the amazing advances in treatments for HIV that it is still not a major disease.

I disagree with this, if someone knowingly has HIV then they should be disclosing it to their sexual partners so they can make an informed choice on whether or not they consent to that. It’s not about the stigmatisation, as we all know there is medications and provisions you can take nowadays but more so the element of choice of whether you trust that individual enough to have taken their medication properly, regularly and if you yourself are happy to take that small risk. What if the condom broke the the individual didn’t know they may need to go and get some Prep medication or what if they’re immunosuppressive? And the risk of them getting more sick is higher, surely they deserve the chance to consent fully?

Could you message them from an anonymous FB account instead?

Or fib a little and tell them he admitted he was positive to you but you've got lucky and tested negative but thought they should know anyway.

I don’t think I can fib. Once I’m in the story, I’m in the story if you know what I mean. I’d prefer people not to know I went there.