To not tell discuss my Sexually Transmitted Infection with people who may have caught it?

[Hoolet]

I think I have an STI and plan to tell the person I caught it from.

I know of other women he has been sleeping with around the time of our fling. He is the sort of person to find any difficult conversation too difficult to have at all. I am certain he won’t tell them.

AIBU to think this is not my problem?

Well telling them isn’t your problem. Sleeping with people who sleep around and not using condoms - is your problem!

I see so many people doing this and STD has shot up - costing the NHS thousands in tests when it’s easily preventable.

That’s a fair criticism @Scarletttulips Although cost to the NHS was quite far from my mind at that precise moment.

While every adult should be aware a STIc could be a problem if you have sex with someone obviously some just dont care .

However if you are absolutely sure he has had sex with them i think you should let them know as he may of caught off them or given it to them and it could cause fertility problems

What would you want someone to do if you were one of these other women?

STIs can leave women infertile. Do the right thing and tell them. And have more respect for yourself next time to not put yourself in danger like this.

Go to a GUM clinic and they will do all the contact tracing. You don’t need to tell anyone yourself.

Yup, I’d tell them to be tested. It’s the right thing to do if he won’t.

Have you been diagnosed with one?
There are ways of informing people anonymously, the sexual health clinic should be able to advise

It’s on them to get tested regularly if they’re having unprotected sex. Get yourself sorted and leave the rest to sort themselves. Be safe in future though.

If the shoe was on the other foot would you want those women to tell you, especially with many STIs being asymptomatic you can go on living with them for several years if you don’t test regularly which can cause health problems and infertility. While you may not like having the conversation as consenting adults, you should have the respect to be honest with others especially when it comes to their health. It also prevents the further spread, for those women could go and pass it onto others causing more issues. That being said you said you “think”, I’d get booked in for a test to be 100% sure so you can begin the appropriate course of treatment different stis have different incubation periods of 2-4 weeks so when you test can alter if it shows up positive or negative if not in the right timeframe.

Can't really answer this without knowing what it is, to be honest. If it's something that could leave a woman infertile if untreated (like chlamydia), YABU.

I am very grateful to the girlfriend of the guy I slept with who turned out to have chlamydia. To be clear, I did not know he had a girlfriend. She found out he'd cheated on her multiple times, broke up with him, and about a month later he told her he had chlamydia. She told me because she thought (correctly) that he wouldn't.

Turned out I didn't have it, which I knew because I got rested regularly anyway. But I could have, and she showed herself to be a very decent woman. But I think there are anonymous ways of doing it, I think if you give contact details, the clinic will do it?

Not to mention antibiotic resistant STI’s that are developing- Condoms obviously help protect against all the main STI’s.

Tell him first, then tell the other women. The sooner any women stop having sex with this man the better.

I just don’t really want to tho. And however diligent the GUM clinic are they are unlikely to go on Facebook and track these women down in the way I would if I really wanted to (and fair enough).

Everyone is in their forties so they aren’t at immediate risk of infertility (but I appreciate could pass it on to someone who is).

These are people I don’t want to discuss my health or sex life with. The inevitable - could you have caught it somewhere else? - etc

You don’t need to discuss anything. Send them a FB message saying that you’ve caught X infection and you are aware that you have both slept with Y. Advise them to get tested and say that you don’t want to discuss it further. Then leave it and don’t respond if they try to question it - you’ve done all you need to do. But I think if you know who these women are then you really should. You’d want someone to tell you.

It also prevents the further spread, for those women could go and pass it onto others causing more issues

How do you think OP caught in the first place?

It’s on them to get tested regularly if they’re having unprotected sex

Its a bit like couples using the morning after pill to prevent pregnancy.

Prevention is better than cure.

Yes, which is why it’s also on them to use condoms in the first place. If they choose not, they then need to be pro active with regular STI testing.

Their sexual health isn’t OPs responsibility.

Does it matter whether it's your problem? You know that something bad could happen to these people and yet you're happy just to stand by and not warn them.

Would you do the same if you saw a boiler rolling down the hill towards them, or if you could see they were about to be scammed.

It's not your responsibility. Its not your fault. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be a decent person and tell them anyway.

It’s not your problem. Get yourself better. Ask the clinic if you have to tell your ex partner. If it’s life threatening such as hiv or hepatitis then do tell your ex. I think that the clinic would reach out to him in this case.

It's not your problem, it's his problem - unfortunately he sounds like a complete bellend so there's no easy answer.

I feel for you OP, but please please put your own health first and never ever have unprotected sex in the future with a new partner/one night stand.

HIV is on the rise, and you do not want that! It sounds like you have been lucky (I know it doesn't feel like it now) this time, but unsafe sex is putting your health at serious risk.

I would tell the other women as I would want to know so I can get treated. You don't know who they may be passing it on to as it seems a lot of you may be at risk of catching life changing diseases by not having safe sex.

This

If OP caught it from this man who was sleeping around unsafely with subsequent women and they’re aware they need to be tested as the risk they all have it is high then it nips it before it becomes super spread. Obviously there’s a chance that this man has caught it from one of the women, potentially she’s got no symptoms and so isn’t aware she’s passing it on regardless it’s a vicious cycle where if none get tested regularly or have safe sex someone along the lines will always end up carrying something🤷🏻‍♀️ For me personally I’d rather send the awkward message and let them know that I’m going to get tested as I’m aware both slept with xyz and leave it at that really.

Can you make an anonymous Facebook profile and message them? It's really the right thing to do to tell them.