Should I go to the wedding?

[skip2mylou]

We’ve been invited to a family member’s wedding (abroad so will require considerable expense, time off work, arranging pet/house sitter, etc). I’m happy for DH to go (it’s his family member) but I cba with all of that hassle for someone who refused to speak to us for months after we told them we’d gotten married (registry office, just us and two close friends as witnesses). So was clearly super happy for us 🙄
AIBU? DH thinks I am and should try to build bridges. I’m quite happy with the absence of a bridge (but don't want to cause WWIII).

God this one's easy! You don't have to go OP! 😂

Definitely wouldn’t be up for going. I can see your DH’s POV though. Is it a sibling or a random distant cousin?

This. Why does DH want to go and would he go on his own? (Or stay home and blame you which is not going to help matters)

I would not go. DH can make his own mind about going.

Getting married abroad makes it difficult for guests, they made their choice, you make yours.

You have been invited.

No way would I use my precious annual leave allowance and wages for that.

If DH really wants to go then obviously he can but I would not be going with him and, in that case, I would take a couple of days off work to be home alone and enjoy the solitude 😂

Something to consider.

Which is more important to you; supporting your husband or sticking two fingers up at the people who have invited you to their wedding ?

This.
Why change a status quo that you enjoy?

I would just say you can’t get time off work.

oh don't go. Let that be a lesson to people that are twattish towards you.

If you don't want to cause WW3-
'I'm really sorry, but I won't be able to make it'(due to lack of AL/expense/other, whatever will best work in your circumstances). Buy a thoughtful gift/voucher etc in place of you not going.
If pushed, mention on repeat that it's a shame you can't go, but you hope they have a lovely day (I assume there will be some flying monkeys, so a white lie may best avoid an argument). Then leave DH to it

I’ve declined a couple of weddings that have been abroad. Whilst I would have gone if they were in the UK, no way am I paying for flights / accommodation for a destination I wouldn’t dream of normally visiting. It’s essentially a holiday with someone else’s family.

They are far cheaper for the couple getting married but extortionate for the guests.

I would need to really love someone to go to the hassle of attending a wedding abroad. If I didn't even like them then it would be a no brainer to not go.

Unless it is somewhere you’d both like to go, and a date which would fit in well with extending into a proper holiday, nah

This though. It's not about the wedding or the relative. It's about your DH wanting to repair things. I'd have a proper conversation with him and go if it's something he really cares about and you aren't fussed.

The person getting married may have invited you out of spite but didn't expect you to go anyway because of the requirements.

Either way, I wouldn't go. DH wouldn't go either in our case. Too much hassle and expense tomshare a special day with someone who isn't that important to you.

I wouldn’t go. I stopped people pleasing years ago.

DH saying building bridges is all very well, but how much effort have they put into building it from their side of the gorge?

Have they put effort into building bridges after dismissing what you wanted for your wedding? It’s not got anything to do with them how you got married.

I wouldn’t put AL and lots of expense into this. People having a wedding abroad should expect this.

'Abroad' because that's where they live, or 'abroad' because they've chosen to get married abroad for the scenery / weather ?

Also, does 'family member' mean sibling, or cousin ?

Normally I’d say yes as I absolutely love a wedding abroad but I’m not sure because of the person’s behaviour. I probably still would go despite the person’s behaviour if my DH wanted me to go.

I'm having a wedding "abroad" - it's in my home country, not a destination wedding as such, but DP is British so his family and friends will have to travel.

We expect that less than half our guest list will be able to make it, and that's absolutely fine. Completely understand that the cost and/or inconvenience are just going to be too much for some guests. Also delighted to have people attend without their significant other.

Hopefully your relative has a similar attitude, even if they've been sensitive about some things in the past.

If your DH is happy to go, I reckon you should send him as your "ambassador" and make up an excuse for why you can't be there yourself!

Exactly, it's an invitation.
Not a summons!

I’d stick two fingers up quite happily. Maybe dh should support his wife.