Diabetic DH and family meal times

[GumbieCat]

DH was diagnosed as type 2 diabetic in November, he’s coped well ever since, eats mainly salad/meat now and has lost a ton of weight. He has become very restrictive with his diet and will only eat the same foods at the exact same time each day (he’s doing intermittent fasting too) His family and I have become concerned that he’s taken his diet too far and even though he’s very skinny now, he still wants to lose more weight and “jokes” that he’s probably ended up with an eating disorder as he’s now terrified of eating carbs etc.

Family meal times have massively suffered and I now eat alone with the kids and he eats his special food separately later in the evening. He occasionally joins us but doesn’t eat anything and I feel guilty about eating in front of him.

Food used to be a big part of our relationship and family life. My love language is cooking and seeing my family enjoy food.

I know I’m being selfish as I miss us all enjoying food together as a family. I enjoy cooking proper home cooked meals like lasagna, roast dinners etc but it’s depressing when I’m sat alone with the kids all the time. Either that or everyone eats separately in front of the TV.

I know the main thing is that he’s healthy now.

Why won’t he eat with you?

It sounds like he needs some counselling

Agree your DH needs further guidance on his diet. Am newly diagnosed myself and the emphasis has been very much on small changes and eating healthily including carbs. I've made bigger changes, have lost 8.5kg (still a long long way off skinny 😆). [I'm lucky that my blood sugar wasn't that high at diagnosis and had dropped by 5 when I'd lost 3kg so hopefully even more since.] Skinny people can still have high blood sugars though, so chat to him about where he's at.

If your love language is food and cooking, you can get on board with finding options that work for the whole family.

Has he got one of those monitor things that you put in the arm? My husband is somewhat similar - diagnosed around March this year, has lost a lot of weight since then due to changing his diet and giving up alcohol - he still eats with us though - he has the meat/fish we are having with salad or roasted veg. The monitor allows him to see what foods cause him to spike and what are ok in moderation.

Cut the poor bloke some slack! His life has recently changed he's navigating new rules and here you are moaning about it!

Your 'love language' can change I'm sure

"love language" 😂 🤢

If he's lost a lot of weight, he probably hasn't got T2 diabetes anymore.

Can he go back to the nurse for blood tests?

Yes, he needs to go back for blood tests, he’s possibly reversed it by now which is fantastic news ☺️

Yes, I made myself cringe too writing that 😂

😆

He had a huge shock when he was diagnosed, he’s young too, he’s still taking it all in and he probably needs more time to process it all. Yes, I know I’m moaning, I just miss us all getting together as a family at the end of the day over a nice meal. It is depressing sat on my own when he’s in another room.

He has a blood sugar monitor, one where he has to prick his finger, not one he wears permanently. He does eat with us occasionally and ive tried making carb free lasagna etc.

Meat and salad sounds like a very healthy family dinner. You could do variations a couple of times a week with that so you eat together. Just throw in some home cooked chips / sweet potatoes

It's great he's taking his health seriously and I think you can even reverse diabetes if you lose weight and get healthier?
It's a shame he's become so selective/restrictive. I hope he takes loads of vitamins.
Would he accept advice from a dietician? Through the GP or private if you can afford it.
Would he have interest in cooking healthy meals, together as a family? There's definitely so many things you could all eat.
Whatever he does, try not to let it take away your own enjoyment of food. I hope you can go out to eat with friends or family even if he doesn't want to tag along.

He needs to get another blood test done to see what the HbA1c is. He might well have put the diabetes into remission. I was diagnosed with type 2 in December and my HbA1c has gone down from 105 to 55 (but still diabetic).

I know it doesn't help but I wish I was as disciplined as your husband with food! Being diagnosed is a huge shock to the system.

Can I just say that there’s no such thing as ‘reversing ‘ Type 2 diabetes- it goes in to remission but if he starts eating the same as previously his BS will creep up again.

If you eat a lot of salad and meat you don't need "take a loads of vitamins".
Carbs are not packed with vitamins.

I’m type 2 and I eat low carb, but I still eat family meals I either eat as a treat or make an adjustment to reduce the carbs. For example my hubby makes an amazing lasagna and has changed it to replace the pasta sheets with sheets made from egg & cheese. Instead of spaghetti with spag bol I have courgetti.

@LondonFox I know that. But if he's restricting and not eating enough then he could easily be deficient in some vitamins and minerals.

Also just to address the timings and eating the same foods.

Im Type 1 so if I find a meal which I enjoy and doesn’t spike me I will eat it a lot! I very often have the same meal for lunch everyday because it works for me.

Food is such a huge part of being diabetic - it literally can make such a difference to your life and complications that you may encounter later in life.

If you do like cooking there are loads of low carb alternatives.

my HbA1c has gone down from 105 to 55 (but still diabetic).

Well done,@Vates!

Being diagnosed is a huge shock to the system.

It really is. And OP's love of food and cooking could really help.

Can't he eat a variation of your meals, if you don't want to change the way you're eating? My DH doesn't believe in meals that don't come with chips, so I just replace his chip portion with salad or similar for me

It sounds as if he has got into a habit of eating the same thing through fear; the salad and meat makes him feel safe as he has lost weight and has got his readings down. And I guess he eats alone because eating is no longer much of a joy to him, just something he needs to do at particular times. Also if you eat restricted foods you lose the desire for variety, your tastes change.

I had an eating disorder when I was younger, and I ate exactly the same thing every day because I knew that 'worked'. It is about control - when part of your life goes out of control, because of illness (or in my case trauma) people often seek to gain control over something else.

There are loads of good diabetic cook books out there, could he be encouraged to maybe try one new low carb meal a week, that you could all have, together. I would also encourage him to sit at the table with the family while you eat even if he just has a cup of tea and has his meal later, then at least hes still being part of family meal time. Don't feel guilty about eating in front of him, there' nothing you can do about that and he is choosing to go beyond the necessary in food restriction, just eat your meal, chat about the day or whatever you do at meals and he can join in that part without eating and maybe he'll start wanting to become part of it all again and start trying some other meals.
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You describe him as 'very skinny' but what's his weight/BMI?

Food is really important to me too but health is more important ultimately, sorry. He's doing what's best for him. Maybe keep in mind that this way you're less likely to be a carer for him if the future.