Holiday plans with family - Hotel vs Villa

[Polly345]

My partner has suggested we go on holiday with his brother and sister in law.
They have discussed going to a villa as they would like a private pool as they don't like the idea of being in a pool with other people.
While I feel this is not unreasonable, their overall holiday routine is so different from ours. They like the idea of sunbathing and drinking where we like to go out and about.
My concern is we might not be near shops, bars, restaurants etc and probably most of the Holiday will be spent with them where I like the idea of a hotel or a centrally located apartment. I also like to meet new people on holiday.
Please let me know experiences of this kind of holiday and any advice how I can voice my opinions without seeming like a spoilsport.

The biggest source of issues on these holidays is inequality of rooms, different expectations and chore divisions.

If any of the above might be an issue then don't do it.

I would suggest a nice hotel with swim up rooms/good privacy.

I have done successful villa holidays with family but honestly I absolutely hate self catering. It's all the domestic drudge but in better weather.

I hate villas. If I’m on holiday I want someone cleaning my room and making my breakfast. I do not want to be the person doing those things.

edited to add: I do not go on group holidays because I like to be in control of my holiday not doing what everyone else wants!

If you are out of the main drag make sure there is easy to access transport to restaurants etc.
I always prefer separate but close rooms. You can be together by choice but easily retire of an evening, sleep in, journey out extra early etc.

This is exactly why we don’t go on holidays with other couples/families. Holidays are infrequent and expensive and I’m not willing to compromise on what we do while there. It sounds like your BIL and wife are not compatible holiday company for you.

Are you me 😅. Dh and I are both the same too. A holiday is no cleaning, cooking or doing anything like that. I would also hate to be confined to my holiday being shared in one space like a villa. We have only done a holiday with one set of friends who are exactly like us and would go off and do separate things without either feeling offended.
For me AI, luxury hotel is the way to go. That's not for everyone but I would say getting your own separate accommodation and then meeting here and there might be a better solution. You both seem to have different expectations of a holiday and someone is going to be upset so better to separate in the same place.

Yes, I think this is it. It’s about personal preference, I choose villas over hotels as I don’t like having to get dressed for breakfast, or being with lots of other people, I like my own pool and space, but that’s just what I like , there’s no right or wrong . Difficult when each party likes something different.

Villa holidays work best for us and we always manage to find places within walking distance of beaches, towns and that have good transport links to other sights. We eat out or order in so we don't have to cook, the only catering we do is snacks and drinks, the villas always have a cleaning service, a private pool is always much nicer than a shared one, and it's more harmonious for the DC to have their own space.
We've compromised and stayed in hotels with family and while we've had a nice time I find hotels get a bit boring after a couple of days. The best one we did was a villa with a private pool in a resort but even then it was a bit monotonous, which was fine because we could go on other holidays by ourselves but I'd be miffed if it was going to be our only break.
I would think about what you are prepared to compromise on and what is a none negotiable and if you can't find something that suits you all then I wouldn't bother.

go to the same resort, they pick a villa for their family, you stay in a hotel?
Meet up when you fancy - seems the best way to avoid tension & each get what you want.

A centrally located villa.
Then you don't have to arrange spending g time together, you'll be in the same space alot but have freedom to do your own thing.

I happily swap making a bed and cooking easy meals and loading a dishwasher for sharing a room and dictated meal times. The idea of AI fillw me with horror. Horses for courses

Another vote for this idea.

We go on holiday with MIL/PIL every year and they stay in a b&b and we're in a nearby hotel. It's an area where people can go to other hotels pools etc so we just meet up each day, go out for lunch/dinner etc. It's lovely.

If they want a Villa the you should choose the location. Alternatively stay in separate locations and just meet up for a few days.

Tbh this is why we dont holiday with people who I know have different ideas of a “holiday” to us. I’d really resent using up leave/ paying so much to come away disappointed I couldn’t explore a place I was visiting but instead was stuck cooking my own breakfast with hung over Harry and Sally who don’t want to leave the villa. It’s really not my cup of tea (but totally get others love the complete zen of that style of holiday to relax and just sit) but I don’t blame you for not wanting to go, and I feel for you because once you tentatively agree it’s hard to backtrack.

Thank you so much to everybody for your replies. I really appreciate it.
It's made me realise I will have to think carefully before making a decision.

We have done a lot of villa holidays with extended family and it only works if everyone does their fair share of chores. Also agree what the holiday will look like in advance i.e walking distance of beach and restaurants, eat out some nights. Agree a food list to BBQ some nights. Agree there will be days/nights you do your own thing. A nice villa in a central area is costly. The cheap villas tend to be in the middle of nowhere! We spent less on a luxury all inclusive recently and it was a much more relaxing and enjoyable holiday in my opinion.

I think where the accommodation is will, from the sounds of it, make more of an impact on your enjoyment than whether it is a hotel or villa. If you definitely feel you need shops, restaurants etc nearby to enjoy the holiday (a very valid standpoint!) then insist on that, as I can't imagine your in laws will actively NOT want to be close to amenities - at worst that won't bother them one way or the other. They can always stay by the pool in the villa/hotel if they choose to, regardless of the proximity of amenities.

I would try to discuss expectations beforehand, both with your husband privately and with the other couple - maybe have them over for a nice dinner for this.

And it's reasonable to say, in a cheery way, we will probably want our own space in the day as we all like doing slightly different stuff, and then meet up in the evenings and we'll plan one day out together midweek too - or whatever you feel comfy with.

A villa does, as others have mentioned, being a whole potential for complexity regarding who cooks, who chooses and pays for food etc - I have struggled with that one before when holidaying with my ex, his grown up kids and their mom! (Don't ask.....). We all largely got on much better than you would expect - in fact I ended up liking her more than I liked the ex in question, but still cooking became a battle ground as both she and the boys considered themselves expert cooks and took over the kitchen, whereas I love to cook sometimes too but felt pushed out.....

It could all be lovely of course, but you are wise to think this through. I just advise you discuss everything with them as openly as possible beforehand.

Good luck!

I choose a villa holiday every time. But I’m looking for peace and quiet and not meeting people. We do visit places and eat in restaurants . You get a big communal area too.
For me, set meal times, saving sunbeds , loud entertainment , having to go to the same restaurant every day are negatives.

What self catering

Apart from breakfast (we just get fruit, breads and cheeses with drinks and snacks we eat out every other meal

We also get a villa with a dishwasher

I think these types of holidays can really work but depends on your personality and the level of compromises you are willing to make. As it stands I won't compromise, holidays abroad are sporadic for us. A villa wouldn't be ideal for me with another family in tow because I simply don't want to cook or clean up after other people or be held to their timetable. We tend to have a rough itinerary when we go on holiday as we like to go sightseeing too but work that around our kids so plans are adaptable.

Last year we rented a villa that came with a maid and chef.

They made our meals, cleaned up.

I think self-catering can be pretty dreadful in a group - endless planning, cooking, cleaning…!

Wasn’t that expensive really vs staying in a hotel.

We went away a few years back with a friend who usually does villas. We stayed in an all in hotel. She hated it.

Her & kids holiday routine was completely different to ours. I like the hub bub of a busy hotel - especially with the kids as they meet lots of new friends. She preferred the quietness of a private pool. She preferred going to the beach late afternoon when it was cooler and liked a lazy walk back to the hotel and grabbing dinner on the way back ( full of sand) - we preferred going to the beach in the morning, pool in the afternoon and then showered and changed ready for the evenings entertainment. She liked to have a drink at the beach - just a few beers - where as I like being in the sea with the kids.

We both had very different ideas about what we like to do on holiday.

Dont book this holiday unless you are both very aligned on what your holiday should look like as it’s too expensive to get back home and think ( I’m never going away with them again!)

Everyone always loves the idea of a villa- privacy, own pool, no need for schedule's around meals.

Except someone has to organise the food shopping & cook & it's inevitably the person who does it all the time at home and then it's no holiday for them.

Hotel all the way - I want a break too & shopping & cooking, even if it's in a villa, is no break.

This especially applies with young children.

It can be even worse with several families .

Are you sure you want to holiday with them, OP?

While I be absolutely agree with everyone else about the potential points of difference (access to the beach, restaurants, basically other people versus privacy) I think that as with many other threads, your DH's attitude will be key to a harmonious break.

If your DH essentially wants to holiday with his sibling and is basically happy to go along with what they like, the whole planning and doing is going to be a very different experience than if he really has your back and is looking to try and make it work but happy to discover that you not essentially compatible travel companions.

My advice is to not start compromising until you get that established. If he has your back, there is a chance of genuine compromise. Otherwise, you will just be making all the concessions ...

We had this but the other way around, my loving villa sibling and partner gatecrashed my all inclusive hotel holiday and it didn’t really work. They didn’t like the evening entertainment, I kept suggesting they sit on their balcony in peace but no they stayed and moaned.
After breakfast we spent a few days laying around the pool for a couple of hours and they liked complete silence where as my DH and I like to chat.
We like to go on excursions and I enjoy spa treatments and spa afternoons, they seem to mainly like sitting in near silence. Actually that was ok as my DH and I did our own thing then.
The dinners and lunches did work out well especially not having a bill to pay.
The resort was only one third full, I think it would have been a disaster for my sibling and partner if it had been full.
They also didn’t seem to like it my DH and I got chatting to another couple at the bar or after a yoga class etc.
Due to our different ideal holidays I’d only do a short break with them again.