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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family holiday

48 replies

Quartez · 25/05/2024 23:28

Hi. I’m just after a bit of perspective of this matter. So I’m currently on a weekend away with my husband, our kids and our extended family eg my parents, sister, brother, nieces nephews etc. We are staying in a rather large house and we have all paid different amounts based on the size our family and the rooms
we need/want eg for me it’s me my husband and our two (older adult) children. Before booking I explained to my sister (who made the booking) that I’d like a room with an en suite as I want my own toilet for rather particular reasons that I won’t go into on here. She said this would be fine as she wasn’t bothered which room she slept in. We decided our parents would sleep on the ground floor and we sorted the kids bedrooms
which left two double bedrooms one with an en suite and one without.

Seeing as I’d already discussed my request for a bedroom with a toilet I assumed that when we arrived that all wouldn’t fine but shock horror no. Our parents where given the biggest bedroom on the ground floor as my sister insisted that our mother (63 years old and otherwise healthy) couldn’t be expected to climb the stairs to the toilet. I thought nothing of it as I’d been assure i’d be ok to have the other bedroom with an en suite but when we arrived (all excited as the house is beautiful) my sister’s husband legged it upstairs and abruptly announced that the bedroom i thought was for me and my husband was the they wanted. I didn’t no what to say and my sister later uttered something about the fact her husband was stubborn and that I’d be ok in the other room.
But I’m not ok in the other room.

My very capable and young (ish) parents are in the huge room on the ground floor away from all the kids. My sister and her husband are on the same floor as the kids but at the opposite end of the house with privacy and mine and my husbands bedroom is next to my niece and nephews bedroom all of whom are younger than our kids and incredibly noisy. So much so I’ve left my husband (who can sleep through a hurricane) in bed and I’ve come downstairs to sleep on the couch in the living room away from everyone. I couldn’t get to sleep with the kids next door who were talking loudly and had their tv on.

I know it probably sounds travail but I’ve paid a lot of money to come on this weekend break and I feel like I’ve well and truly been shafted. When I come to think about it I shouldn’t be surprised as when it comes to my family my needs are often ignored. I’ve not made a big deal about it but I’m dreading the sleeping arrangements all weekend plus I now have to share a bathroom with young children who (rather understandably at their age) aren’t particularly hygienic and make a lot of mess. It’s sensory hell for me but I darnt kick up a fuss as I expect I’ll then be accused of ruining the holiday. Thoughts?

Just to add, I know that I was ridiculous to not stand up for myself and demand the room that had been agreed was mine but I have anxiety and I am not at all good with confrontation.

OP posts:
AlanBrendaCelia · 25/05/2024 23:30

I’d hate that. All of it. I’d get in the car and drive home now, and leave everyone else there.

Quartez · 25/05/2024 23:36

The thing is aside from the room situation I actually like it here and I’m enjoying seeing my kids go back to being kids eg playing snooker, darts, cricket, football etc with the family. The area is beautiful and very peaceful but yeah it has been over shadowed slightly by the fact I’ve been duped over the bedroom set up.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 25/05/2024 23:46

YANBU at all. Your sister and her husband have behaved really badly here. Whatever your reasons for wanting your own bathroom (I totally understand why you’d rather not explain, of course) it’s clearly a really sensitive issue for you and it’s crap that you’re stuck next to little kids dealing with their noise and messing around when they’re not your kids and their actual parents are absolving themselves of responsibility.

TakeOnFlea · 26/05/2024 00:09

Get them told. Say, ok, I've done one night on the sofa but it's not what we agreed so let's swap rooms now because I need the bathroom as we planned.

Akamai · 26/05/2024 00:29

Why didn’t you say anything at the time? 🙄

DoreenonTill8 · 26/05/2024 00:36

So your parents are in the room you thought "ground floor" .. but the issue is your sis and her dh are in the room you want? What if they decided their wants for an ensuite were just as justified as yours?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/05/2024 02:24

Your sister and her husband have behaved very badly there. Esp the husband who did the hot footing to the best bedroom. It seems obvious that as they have the younger, noisier kids they should be the ones sleeping close by.

I would be very firm with them for the next night that they swap.

It sounds like you also have husband - what does he say in all of this?

coxesorangepippin · 26/05/2024 02:27

Basically, they don't care about how you feel

That's the bottom line

Blackbeardsvest · 26/05/2024 04:27

Could you 'use' the kids noise as leverage to get them to swap in the morning? Not that you should have to but if it feels easier/less sensitive than focusing on the bathroom in front of BIL? Point out that you've had to sleep on the sofa and that it's not much of a holiday for you if you're getting no sleep.

Jhgdsd · 26/05/2024 04:38

If you aren't going to insist on what was agreed, then learn from this. Do not trust your sister to book a weekend away again.

Jellycatspyjamas · 26/05/2024 04:39

You’re either going to need to say something or move with it, which I know seems obvious but if they’re used to you never speaking up they’re going to take advantage of that.

If the kids are old enough to be up late talking with the tv on, they’re old enough to either flush the toilet and wipe up after themselves, or to use the bathroom in their parents room. They’re also old enough to consider other people and keep the noise down.

You are definitely old enough to tell your sister the arrangements aren’t working for you and you want to swap rooms.

We are staying in a rather large house and we have all paid different amounts based on the size our family and the rooms
we need/want eg for me it’s me my husband and our two (older adult) children.

Did you pay more for an en-suite room, in which case I’d be insisting we were moved. Are you, your adult children and the younger children all sharing a bathroom? If not can you either share a bathroom with your kids or swap rooms with them if they’re closer to a different bathroom? There must be a solution in a house the size you’re describing.

tuvamoodyson · 26/05/2024 06:29

Akamai · 26/05/2024 00:29

Why didn’t you say anything at the time? 🙄

Because she has anxiety and hates confrontation…..

Truetoself · 26/05/2024 06:41

So you have anxiety and didn't want confrontation- however, what about your DH? Why didn't he say something?

Pippa12 · 26/05/2024 07:05

Is it a medical reason you want your own bathroom? For example: changing a stoma bag?

Strictly1 · 26/05/2024 07:11

Get the children to use their bathroom.

Trickabrick · 26/05/2024 07:12

I can understand why the grandparents have the room away from the kids as the parents should be the ones near them if needed. Why don’t you say that each family has their own bathroom - so your sister’s kids use their parent’s en-suite?

ZekeZeke · 26/05/2024 07:13

At breakfast Mary. You and John need to swap rooms with myself and DH. I didn't sleep a wink with the noise your kids made and can't go through another night of this
And stay silent. Don't say anything else.
If they refuse, or say we will tell little Jimmy to be quiet you say no, either change rooms or we are leaving.

PS I DO tthink it's right that your parents got an ensuite.

Isometimeswonder · 26/05/2024 07:21

What did you think would happen, with that many people under one roof, all different ages?

hopeishere · 26/05/2024 07:37

Tell the kids to shut up and turn the tv off!!

Use the en suite bathroom during the day to avoid the kids mess.

CandiedPrincess · 26/05/2024 07:48

Without knowing your needs for the ensuite it's hard to make a judgement call really.

NerrSnerr · 26/05/2024 07:56

Why do you need the en-suite? Could your BIL have a similar need?

If it their kids keeping you awake or yours as well. If it's just theirs I'd tell them to swap because of the noise.

I think it's fine that grandparents are on the ground floor.

fourelementary · 26/05/2024 08:03

@Quartez Either a subtle chat with your sister -
Susan, I’m thinking maybe you didn’t say to your husband about the en suite situation so I didn’t want to embarrass you and mention it in the group. But we will need to swap rooms today as I can’t manage without it. So I will let you handle Steve and move rooms after lunch?

Or where are your older children sleeping? Is their room any better to swap to?

5128gap · 26/05/2024 08:04

Your last paragraph nails it. You should have told your BiL no, that wasn't what had been agreed. This isn't your parents fault, they're in the room they always were. It's completely on your BiL that this has happened. If you were unable to stand up to him due to anxiety, it's very disappointing that your H didn't insist on your behalf, knowing about your anxiety, medical need and the pre agreed arrangements. Your sister could have stood up to him, yes, but not sure why you expect more from her than your own H.

Allfur · 26/05/2024 08:07

The parents of the young kids should sleep next to them, cfs

Muffin101 · 26/05/2024 08:13

I don’t know why you’re complaining re your parents. They’re exactly where they should be, ground floor as previously agreed, with an en-suite as they should, and away from the children, again, as they should be!
You or your husband should’ve spoken up at the time of room allocation, it was silly to just passively allow this to happen if there’s medical need for an en-suite. Plus it makes sense that you wouldn’t want to be next to the young nieces and nephews.

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