Bridesmaid drama

[FarmersWife11]

So a month ago I was bridesmaid for a friend, she was one of my bridesmaids a couple of years ago and so naturally we invited her then bf, now dh for the wedding as well.
We have been friends a fairly long time but don’t see eachother loads, keep in touch via messages but our circles of friends wouldn’t overlap at all.
When she was wedding planning, she said the ceremony was going to be v small, so none of the bridesmaids partners could be there. I was slightly worried because I didn’t know anybody else there other than the bride and groom but said that was totally fine of course. We then left the ceremony and went to another venue for lunch where it transpired one of the other 2 bridesmaids boyfriends was invited so was waiting for her, the other bridesmaid didn’t have a partner but knew all the mutual friends who were there for the lunch. I knew the bride and groom and nobody else.
I ended up sitting in my own with a drink after lunch, unable to barge in on anybodies conversation, watching all the couples who all knew eachother mingling and felt myself getting upset, at this point I popped outside and got some fresh air and spoke to my dh briefly, got more upset explaining the situation to him and decided to quietly slip away.
A couple of weeks after the wedding the bride and I had messaged a few times but I can’t deny I was a bit hurt by her not inviting my dh for the lunch, she knows him, we’ve been together 12 years and it would have made such a huge difference to my day to have had someone there for me in a room full of strangers. So the messages were a bit strained and she then asked if I was okay, I very carefully worded a message explaining why I was a bit upset, one of our partners was invited but not mine etc, not confrontational but she replied rather abruptly. I then replied again and said it was all water under the bridge I was just a little upset on the day when the other bridesmaid told me in the say back for the lunch that her bf was back there. She’s now not replied for about 10 days.
YABU- I should message again and apologise.
YANBU - it was a bit thoughtless and unkind to not invite my dh

Thanks to anyone who got this far 🙌🏼

Your friend is being unreasonable. She should have invited your DH, you were her bridesmaid after all and knew no one else there, while another bridesmaids BF was invited. I’d be livid. I think you’ve been rather calm tbh.

I wouldn’t message her again tbh, it’s up to her.

I'd have left too.

I would be okay if actually it's a small ceremony with say 20 of us who then do lunch then mingle then home.

But it was small. Then more for lunch, then more for evening and your partner wasn't deemed worthy for any of that. And you only realise that on the day.

The mingling bit post lunch pre evening guests arriving is always boring as heck even with a partner there, far worse if you don't know anyone. Least at lunch you have an assigned group to talk to.

We farm, so no I don’t have to attend work events where I am in a room full of people i don’t know, so I was quite out of my comfort zone which the bride was aware of. I wouldn’t say I snuck off halfway through the day, I left having been there for 10 hours, from arriving at the brides house where I was asked on arrival to decorate the car, in the rain whilst the two other BM’s (I realised on arrival they had been invited to stay the night before and were already getting ready when I arrived at the time the bride had asked me to get there) continued to get ready. I totally understand it was her wedding day but I just felt as though the way I was treated wasn’t how I would treat my friends.

The bride really does sound selfish. I wonder if the friendship has run its course?

You can't not invite a bridesmaid's partner - that sucks

Have you still not had a reply to your last text OP? @FarmersWife11

No, I didn’t ever get a reply, I've heard nothing since. Sad way to leave a friendship of quieten few years but the last message i sent her was not shitty and would have been so easy to just move on with, even if we agreed to disagree. I feel a bit used and a bit hurt but now some time has passed I still feel like my feelings on the day were valid,

Weddings are such a catalyst for breaking relationships IME.

I knew a woman who had such a massive tantrum at her brother's wedding (because she was not sitting on 'top' table) that he had to spend a portion of his wedding day trying to mollify her.

But a bridesmaid being invited without her partner is just too weird. Unless it was like Covid conditions.