Rehoming my dog

[findingthingshard1]

I've name changed because I'm ashamed and I don't want my friends knowing my real username on here

I've recently had a baby via emergency c-section and I believe it's caused me to have postnatal depression. I'm really struggling. I've become single and I'm on maternity leave so funds are at its lowest.

I have a dog, who I love so much but I can't cope anymore. I've not left my house for a week that's how down and low I feel. I need to rehome him, I can't afford to feed myself never mind my dog. I never thought I would end up in this position. 4 months ago I had money and could afford to live comfortably but now I feel like all hope is lost

I don't know where to turn

Could your dog be fostered til your back on your feet?

What have you done that makes you so ashamed that you can't speak to friends about the way you're feeling OP? I think you need to see your GP as soon as possible, as it definitely sounds like you are suffering from PND. Are you coping OK with your baby? Please reach out to someone, as you're a Mum now, and are responsible for a baby who can't look after themself, so however bad you're feeling you simply have to put your child first. I'm sure there will be people along soon who are better equipped to offer advice than me, but please get some help.

If you genuinely can't afford to feed your dog, then you need to contact one of the dog charities and ask for help.

I've tried to speak to my friends but they're all married and have good jobs. No money issues that I know of anyway

It's crazy how your life can change with just a click of your finger.

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit I didn't n is that was a thing? I've been looking at dog rescues on Facebook but they all seem to be full.

I'm sat here now just in despair, I thought I had it all. Home, partner, beautiful baby and lovely dog, it's all just gone to shit

I don’t think this is about the dog, really, is it?

I think you’d benefit from speaking to a doctor and dealing with the depression before you make any drastic decisions.

Have you applied for Universal Credit?

Imo you'll regret this decision once you've come out of the fog and feel better (& you will)
Foster care, help from anyone in the community, doing the very basics and just that, for now is better.
Dogs won't die if they're not walked sometimes or eat tidbits because you haven't managed to get out for dog food. Get thru it and do the bare min for now. Get help. Your dog will then still be there when you're back on your feet.

Does your local animal shelter have a food bank? Our animal shelter supplies food for any pet, no questions asked.
They may also be able to help with a foster home.
Please reach out to your GP (if you haven’t done so already) they will definitely be able to help you. I’m sorry you are finding things so tough. Do you have any family who can help?

Bucking the trend here, I’d re-home. Imo, you need to focus on getting better and looking after yourself and your baby. Can you access family support if you need help? Would anyone take the dog so you still see it?

Both my parents are disabled so no help from them really apart from a friendly ear

I feel drained mentally, I've never felt like this before. I never understood what depression was until now

I'm scared to go to sleep at night in case the baby stops breathing, I can't cope with both at all and I don't know what to do

@Cherrysoup I've asked a couple of friends but everyone had said no. I know I need to rehome my dog but how?

I know you've said your parents are disabled OP, but can they help with the baby at all? If so, call them, tell them you're struggling, and are worried that you can't cope with the baby, I feel sure if they're able, they'll step in and help until you get the help that YOU need for yourself.

I put mine up on Preloved. I loved my dog too but I was going through a lot and it wasn't fair on her. She went to live with a lovely lady who turned out to be a vet and we keep in contact so I can see pictures of the dog.

🙄

Is it a pedigree? If so, contact the breed rescue who will screen potential homes rather than putting it on a random website where you’ll have no idea where the dog goes/people may not be truthful. Even if it’s part bred, contact the breed rescues.

Is the baby’s father not on the scene?

@Cherrysoup he is but it's few and far between unfortunately

Both mine were premature and I had the same fear. We had one of the sensor mattresses with helped with that anxiety massively.

If you aren’t sleeping you’re going to feel bloody awful :(

What does your DH feel about rehoming your dog? is he pulling his weight?

Rehoming the dog won’t treat the depression. Please go to the GP or health visitor and tell them how you feel. Things will look better soon. Antidepressants were a game changer for me x

Op, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have been in a similar position and know kept utterly bewilders it can be when things change so dramatically so quickly. We need you now to dig deep. Please get a pen and paper and make a plan for next week.

On Monday, please see a dr. This is essential. Tell them everything. Make an emergency appointment.

Tuesday, send a message to your close friends/parents and tell them clearly “I am struggling. I am trying to get help and need a little support.”

Wednesday, take a day to regroup and assess the progress of Monday and Tuesday.

Thursday is for money, CMS, universal credit, mortgage break. Investigate and apply. Make a list for this.

Then on Friday make a plan for the dog.

i promise that this time next month things won’t be so bad but you have to start with Monday.

Please get in touch with your midwife/health visitor/GP as it sounds as though you have pnd. Let them know you're struggling with money and they will be able to offer advice re benefits etc and help with your depression.

If you have a local Facebook group ask if someone on there would volunteer to walk your dog so that he is getting exercise as that is one less thing to worry about. I wouldn't make any rash decisions about rehoming him as you may regret it.

Where abouts are you, maybe someone on here can help with charities etc if you have money worries.

https://www.relovablepets.co.uk/help-for-pet-owners/temporary-care
There are places that foster dogs in the short term.
My dad volunteers to do this - he doesn't want the long term commitment but likes to have a dog around.
It might help to just have a break while you get your mental health sorted.

This is wonderful

Whereabouts are you OP? Perhaps some Mumsnetters local to you could bring some food, walk the dog, have a cuppa in a cafe with you, baby and dog?

I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. Have you considered using a food bank? I used one last year for six months and it got me though a really tough financial period. I didn't need a referral - just emailed them to ask if they could help me and they did. I am so grateful to them. I have a dog and, like you, thought I might have to rehome her but luckily it never came to that.

I literally was in the same position as you seven years ago. I could have written your post word for word. And understand your desperation and hopelessness. And trying to make your life easier in any way you can.

I still have my dog. I love her, but my god, the stress and financial drain of having to put her in doggy day care, and get her there after I drop dd to breakfast club school whilst I work (have to be at work at 8.15 every day, and I get there by the skin of my teeth, and sometimes don't and then am late) makes me resent her.

And if I physically can't get her there (like you, absolutely zero support), then she doesn't get walked. And yes she gets left at home whilst I work if the day care is closed etc, but I have no choice in the matter.

People will come for me about that. But I have no choice, she is too old now and too much of a nightmare with other dogs to rehome. Otherwise she is very much cared for. And I am lucky that she is a small breed who doesn't mind sniffing around the garden and fetching some balls etc that I can chuck for her when I get home if she is by herself.

But if I had my time again, I would realise that I obstinately held onto the dog because I was too ashamed to admit I couldn't cope with her on top of everything else. And in hindsight, I should have rehomed her. She would probably be happier, I would be happier, without the additional responsibility/stress/financial drain. My already fucking stressful life would be far easier without having to factor her into it.

So there it is. I'll probably get shot down for this. But I do think rehoming would be for the best. Sending you love.