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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rehoming my dog

32 replies

findingthingshard1 · 25/05/2024 20:25

I've name changed because I'm ashamed and I don't want my friends knowing my real username on here

I've recently had a baby via emergency c-section and I believe it's caused me to have postnatal depression. I'm really struggling. I've become single and I'm on maternity leave so funds are at its lowest.

I have a dog, who I love so much but I can't cope anymore. I've not left my house for a week that's how down and low I feel. I need to rehome him, I can't afford to feed myself never mind my dog. I never thought I would end up in this position. 4 months ago I had money and could afford to live comfortably but now I feel like all hope is lost

I don't know where to turn

OP posts:
Anotherparkingthread · 25/05/2024 22:52

What's the breed op and where abouts are you?

pinkstripeycat · 25/05/2024 23:00

binkybinkybinkbink · 25/05/2024 22:05

I literally was in the same position as you seven years ago. I could have written your post word for word. And understand your desperation and hopelessness. And trying to make your life easier in any way you can.

I still have my dog. I love her, but my god, the stress and financial drain of having to put her in doggy day care, and get her there after I drop dd to breakfast club school whilst I work (have to be at work at 8.15 every day, and I get there by the skin of my teeth, and sometimes don't and then am late) makes me resent her.

And if I physically can't get her there (like you, absolutely zero support), then she doesn't get walked. And yes she gets left at home whilst I work if the day care is closed etc, but I have no choice in the matter.

People will come for me about that. But I have no choice, she is too old now and too much of a nightmare with other dogs to rehome. Otherwise she is very much cared for. And I am lucky that she is a small breed who doesn't mind sniffing around the garden and fetching some balls etc that I can chuck for her when I get home if she is by herself.

But if I had my time again, I would realise that I obstinately held onto the dog because I was too ashamed to admit I couldn't cope with her on top of everything else. And in hindsight, I should have rehomed her. She would probably be happier, I would be happier, without the additional responsibility/stress/financial drain. My already fucking stressful life would be far easier without having to factor her into it.

So there it is. I'll probably get shot down for this. But I do think rehoming would be for the best. Sending you love.

This Is a lovely post. Very supportive and comforting

Hankunamatata · 25/05/2024 23:03

Talk to your hv about how you are feeling. You and lots of changes - new baby and single.
They may be able to help with food bank referral and some carry dog food

Lavender14 · 25/05/2024 23:14

Ah op, I'm sorry you're going through so much and at such a vulnerable time. Even when things are straightforward having a baby is so intense and the hormones are a lot to deal with so I think you're amazing for also navigating a breakup and all that goes with it on top of that.

I agree with pps that the first step is to sit down with your hv and be really brutally honest about how you're feeling. I had bad PPA and speaking to my hv was the best thing I could have done. She helped me see that I wasn't crazy, it was totally normal, but that I didn't need to just put up with it either. If your hv isn't someone you can go to then the gp is a good option too.

I think you need to think about who is in your support network and be honest with them how you're feeling as well. If they know you're really struggling they might be more forthcoming with support and even if it's not the dog maybe it's a bit of babysitting (even in the house with you there so you can sleep or shower etc) .

If money is really tight there are some animal charities who will support you to keep your dog with you, but i realise that doesn't necessarily resolve the issue of actually caring for the dog.

Can I ask what the situation with your ex is? Is he giving you money towards your child and is he safe/willing to take on some child care or maybe dog care?

Ultimately op, you know what you can cope with and what your limits are right now. If you need to rehome your dog to be able to survive for yourself and your baby then that really is OK and you don't need anyone else's validation to do the right thing for your family.

I would contact the breeder you got her from? I know we have an agreement with ours that if for any reason we couldn't keep our dog we would go to them first. Most rescue centres have the same clause if your dog is a rescue? Many animal rescues are inundated at the moment but you could ask that they put your dog on their waiting list or that you could keep her with you until they find a suitable home so she doesn't have to go through the centre itself?

When things are this hard op it really comes down to survival and rallying your support network whatever that looks like to you. It will get easier and honestly when you come out the other side of this and look back you'll feel invincible. You're doing amazing.

SlothsNeverGetIll · 25/05/2024 23:22

Is the baby's father contributing financially and, if not, why not?

wintersgold · 25/05/2024 23:41

Could one of your friends look after the dog for a little bit? I appreciate that might be a tough favour to ask for though.

Comingupriver · 01/06/2024 09:44

I hope you’re doing OK, OP

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