Work party disaster who was at fault

[Heredakh]

A company is reaching an important milestone in its history and planning an event. Small company of about 50 people.

Event is dinner then entertainment and drinks/ dancing at a hired venue. Ahead of the event, colleagues are told what to expect, that some clients will be there too and to therefore enjoy but behave accordingly etc (it was implied not to get blind drunk but not explicitly said)

Colleague A is relatively new to the business and still in probation but doing good job. They are told about the event like everyone else.

On the night the free booze is flowing like it often is at these kind of events and it becomes apparent colleague A is enjoying the booze a lot but as this is their first time drinking in front of other colleagues, people aren't aware when to step in or that it could lead to big issues (some people can drink loads with no issue, some can't etc) plus everyone else is drinking too, although a bit more moderately.

As night wears on (when some people had already headed home) colleague A reveals themselves as quite a rude and obnoxious drunk, they offend a long standing client, an older colleague then vomit on senior leaders shoes.

Not sure how it played out beyond that but a few days later back at work there's an email that colleague A is no longer in the business.

I've been shocked by the whole thing and wondering who was more at fault? Should colleague A have curbed the drinking on the night or should company not have had so much free alcohol on offer? Its a recipe for disaster if you don't know when to stop drinking but equally moderate drinkers are entitled to some free drinks to enjoy themselves surely?

YABU - the company's free booze is to blame, its a recipe for disaster that they should have seen coming

YANBU - colleague A should have acted accordingly and known when to stop at a work event

I feel sorry for A but it really wasn't the time or place to get wasted. They're an adult and made the choice to drink too much. Lesson learnt though hopefully.

OP, do you know if your colleague was fired or resigned?

If you need a 'superior' to monitor your drinks and behaviour at a company event you probably shouldn't have gone.

It is 100% the fault of the individual.

Regardless of the jovial atmosphere and open bar - it's still work. I know they like to say 'we're all family here' but in reality that is not the case.

Limiting it is nanny state, people have all different levels of tolerance. Shocked anyone would think it needs to be controlled for everyone due to someone getting on it. Fuck that.

@Carly944 · Yesterday 20:00
At our last works do, one of my female colleagues started to hump and grind on everyone, men and women on the dance floor. She was nearly riding them.

Blimey. What happened when she came into work next? Was she embarrassed or did she have no recollection of it?

A work event with clients present is still work. It’s incumbent on any professional to be aware of that, know their limits and behave accordingly. I imagine she lost her job due to insulting the client, not being sick on a senior colleague’s shoes.

It wasn't in the workplace but it was a work event so needs to be treated as if they were in the workplace. Just the same as attending a conference or being on a sales trip.

It's a harsh lesson to learn but an important one. Being able to balance behaving professionally while being in a party setting is something that your employers will be registering (even if subconsciously) which can be a real boost to your career prospects

Having had issues around alcohol abuse in the past myself (now happily sober) I tend to first of all think: was this colleague's behaviour actually indicative of problems with drink, rather than just a poor choice they made that night?

(And I know some people will not see the difference, but also some of you may recognise what I mean).

I would hope that a caring employer would issue a warning, but also work with the person to address the issues with alcohol if they were willing to seek support.

But I know this varies HUGELY from employer to employer. My work provides counselling we can access etc, which could be used for addiction issues, and if I had behaved as stated at a work do (I never did, but there but for the grace of God...) I would have probably received a warning or sanction but also sign-posting at least towards support? And I do know of people for whom this has happened in the past in similar circumstances to those you describe.

The immediate sack does seem harsh to me, yes. But I am a socialist and tend to support workers' rights generally - I know that it's not always a popular view on here so am not expecting many to agree with me.

Which is fair enough too - we are all entitled to our political opinions!

It is the colleague's fault. Ultimately, they're responsible for their own behaviour and alcohol intake.

However, I do think the messaging is slightly skewed with these types of events. On the one hand-best behaviour-clients are about-and on the other hand, free bar!

It still falls on the colleague to control themselves, but open bars are a recipe for disaster and IMO, should be avoided at work events-especially where clients are involved and everyone needs to behave professionally. Maybe have an open bar but with drink tokens and limit the tokens to two/three drinks per person?

I used to drink because I have social anxiety and it loosens me up a bit. When I was younger, I had very little concept of what my "limit" was-and if someone had provided me with an open, limitless bar-I'd have found my limit and surpassed it very quickly. That would have been 100% on me-but isn't the messaging sort of off?

I don't necessarily think it was fair to sack the colleague just for this offence. Definite warning-but unless something else has happened behind the scenes-it seems a bit unfair. Many people find themselves in this situation and have to live and learn the hard way.

Obviously, if they're older/more experienced in the workforce-their behaviour is slightly less excusable as they should be well-versed in work event etiquette. If they're young, it's a bit more excusable as they're probably not that well-versed in it and may also not be as aware of their limits around drinking yet.

Being rude and obnoxious is completely unacceptable, whether drunk or not. The being drunk is even worse. Not everyone is rude and obnoxious when they are drunk. In my experience, people who are rude and obnoxious when drunk eventually end up being rude and obnoxious when they are not drunk.

You’re not unreasonable, but it’s a pity no one intervened earlier

This exactly. My work persona is exhausting and I don't want to do it any longer than I get paid too!

If they offended a long standing client they probably felt they had to be able to tell the client the person was no longer with the company to smooth things over.

I have done that once many years ago. Evening event, free meal and drink although I didn’t like what was offered as the meal so never ate much and my inexperienced self didn’t stop to think well maybe I shouldn’t drink much then

Fortunately all that happened was that I embarrassed myself, we had a bit of laugh about it on the Monday and that was it

But it did teach me a lesson and older me knows when to stop and also when to have a discreet word with younger colleagues who may not have that experience

Work is not to blame at all as everyone should take personal responsibility and these work events can be fun if you know how to control yourself and stick with your friends (I know in MN land people don’t have friends at work but most of us in the real world do and enjoy socialising with them)

Exactly, professional behaviour at all times

I worked with someone that did similar levels of drunk behaviour.

They were told in no uncertain terms that they were to drink soft drinks only at any future work events!

On the night, colleague A for not knowing their limits or just being moderate.

Before the night, the company for organising such an event to begin with.

100% person A

I can't think in this day of austerity that many companies would do free booze, it seems old fashioned product of the 80s/90s.. Current employer doesn't do any corporate events whatsoever (on the doorstep of Henley Regatta/Ascot etc).

My office did free drinks every week up until a month or so ago. Only reason they stopped was because they were never that well attended with more people wfh these days. When something happens so regularly it is not anything special so you never saw anyone drink to excess

In the 2 or 3 times I went this year I would have one glass of wine and that was it

Which proves that some MNers just enjoy piling on and probably would've piled onto Mother Teresa if given the chance.

"A" is responsible for their behavior. They knew what the event was and knew who would be there. If they cannot control themselves because it is free booze, then they get what they get as a consequence.

If it was a buffet dinner event and someone went through and took all the shrimp, crab, lobster or whatever, people would be shocked at the over-indulgence. Booze or food--moderation and read the room.

Employer should have intervened as they have a duty of care to their employees in anything linked with work. Their drink could have been spiked or anything- maybe it interacted with some medication they were taking or maybe they just drank too much. Employer should have intervened without making assumptions. Quite shocked they didn’t to be honest!

Colleague A was at fault. Don’t drink when you’re with clients.

Also important to note that it’s also the employers responsibility for employee safe return home or ensuring event finishes whilst public transport is readily available or arrange transport home for them. HR is an absolute minefield so whatever is morally correct may not be legally correct- two entirely different things. I would say A has a case for a tribunal legally.

Oh dear. And this, dear reader, is why work + booze doesn’t mix. I never drink at work do’s out of principle. Work do’s are just that - you may not be in normal hours but you are around colleagues and should expect to act and conduct yourself in a professional manner. If you want to go get hammered, do it with friends who love you and can’t fire you if you vomit on their shoes

Colleague A is an adult, should have read the room and taken on board the take it easy with the booze message. They didn't and made a school boy error.

It is that fine line between behaving like a decent human being and having a good time or being a drunk obnoxious prick. The choice is the individuals.

I have heard of a Xmas party at a company when someone got v drunk and manhandled one of the HR ladies, despite several warnings to back off. They did not last long either.