Page 3 | Can / should a 12yr old pick up after the dog?

HcbSS · 25/05/2024 21:33

bridgetreilly · 25/05/2024 18:36

8yo niece asks if she is allowed to pick up the poo. 10yo nephew never wants to (and doesn’t have to, it’s not their dog). But the 8yo is perfectly competent at it. Your 12yo can do it.

Hahaha my 7 year old is the same. Poop scooping is his domain (it’s all about poo with him atm 🤣)

Original poster

MahMahMahMahCorona · 25/05/2024 21:33

@5YearsLeft - ok, so perhaps I need to look into this little more deeply. DS12 recently walked into our bedroom clutching his appendix, we were directed straight to urgent care by the GP, and despite serious concerns, DS point blank refused to allow blood to be taken. There was no reasoning and as DS wouldn't consent, consultants (3 of them over 24 hours.....) were unable to do their job.

DS now realises consent is a very big part of his life, and has started being quite tricky about what he does want to do, and what he doesn't.

Was the poo picking a test? It wasn't meant to be. But my god the tantrum he pulled was similar to the 3 x blood test tantrums.

I know the two are not the same. I really do. I guess the issue here is just how we deal with the point blank refusal of things. Poo picking is one thing, blood tests (for his own health and welfare) is another, but the stubbornness is a little concerning.

Does that even make sense? I'm worried we are dealing with a bigger "thing" here.

OP posts:

Cocothecoconut · 25/05/2024 22:06

He who walks the mutt picks the shit

5YearsLeft · 25/05/2024 22:10

MahMahMahMahCorona · 25/05/2024 21:33

@5YearsLeft - ok, so perhaps I need to look into this little more deeply. DS12 recently walked into our bedroom clutching his appendix, we were directed straight to urgent care by the GP, and despite serious concerns, DS point blank refused to allow blood to be taken. There was no reasoning and as DS wouldn't consent, consultants (3 of them over 24 hours.....) were unable to do their job.

DS now realises consent is a very big part of his life, and has started being quite tricky about what he does want to do, and what he doesn't.

Was the poo picking a test? It wasn't meant to be. But my god the tantrum he pulled was similar to the 3 x blood test tantrums.

I know the two are not the same. I really do. I guess the issue here is just how we deal with the point blank refusal of things. Poo picking is one thing, blood tests (for his own health and welfare) is another, but the stubbornness is a little concerning.

Does that even make sense? I'm worried we are dealing with a bigger "thing" here.

@MahMahMahMahCorona I do get it; I wasn’t trying to be an asshole in my first comment, and I’m sorry if it came across that way. That’s why I was asking, because I just thought some of your words indicated that the depth of his response had surprised you and not in good way, perhaps that it was just SUCH a big reaction from him, etc. And you were asking if poo-picking should really be this big of a deal.

I’m wondering if someone has explained consent to him in terms of, “You always have the right to say no to anything you don’t want to do,” meaning it to be more like a PANTS lesson, but NOT explained that consent on a daily basis, for blood tests and helping our parents, is a two-way street - if we don’t provide blood, the doctors can’t help us. If we don’t do what our parents ask of us, they don’t HAVE to do anything nice for us, except provide us with a bed and food and that’s it. So maybe just have a talk with him? Because yes, I’d be quite worried about the hospital thing. In fact, I’m very surprised they allowed a 12 year old to make that decision - if there was a risk of appendicitis, you should have decided as his parents. It all sounds very difficult, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Good luck!!

Original poster

MahMahMahMahCorona · 25/05/2024 23:43

@5YearsLeft not at all - I didn't take any of your comments badly, I'm here to learn. And yet perhaps it is a communication issue in that he has taken things literally (consent) and now he is being obstinate about (clearly diametrically opposed things but...) stuff which is actually quite important: the running of a household (which we feel he's now old enough to take some responsibility) and his health (something which could have ended really critically if it had indeed been his appendix).

Back to the drawing board methinks. One of the consultants couldn't not believe how strong he was (he was literally just trying to see the veins for a point of entry / where to take blood from) so I do think part of my concern is that if he is 12 and showing this sort of level of strength stubbornness and obstinacy, what's he going to be like at 16 or 18?

Lots of things to think about certainly.

OP posts:

KreedKafer · 25/05/2024 23:58

I was picking up dog shit as a child from the moment we got our first dog, when I was eight. It’s not exactly difficult, is it? Being a kid doesn’t mean you don’t have to do slightly gross chores now and again. Picking up dog shit isn’t any worse for a child than it is for an an adult. It’s basic pet care, so I’d expect the kids to help with it in the same way I’d expect them to feed, groom and exercise the dog when asked.

lulann · 26/05/2024 00:17

MahMahMahMahCorona · 25/05/2024 18:11

Earlier today I was hanging out the ridiculous amount of washing, DP was slathering sun cream on the toddler. DS12yr7mo wanted to play football in the garden, and noticed a (terrier) dog poo. DS informed DP, who said "you know where the dog poo bags are - can you pick it up and put it in the bin please?"

Pre-teen DS then had biggest "I don't want to" tantrum, and point blank refused to do it.

AIBU to think a child of 12 can and should pick up after our family dog? DS14 does it regularly as he takes dog out for short walks daily.

As a 9 year old it was my job to pick up the dog sh*t from all over our garden.

I hated it but was made to do it through fear of my father.

A dog I never wanted nor was fond of. Wonder why I don't like dogs now...

justasking111 · 26/05/2024 00:22

My six year old grandson has done it, as has my grand daughter. It's a task they do if they find poop in the garden, they do use a little shovel though not bags.

Summertimer · 26/05/2024 00:23

It’s the responsibility of whoever let the dog poo in the garden and didn’t clear up after it. By all means have a family pet but if one of the kids is not into the whole dog thing accept that

Crepester · 26/05/2024 00:24

S0livagant · 25/05/2024 20:20

It's something many adults would never want to do, let alone a child. He was only 8 when you got the dog, hardly able to agree to pick up after it four years later!

Yeah my 35 year old mate loves his parents dog, but one of them or his sister needs to go with him if it goes on a walk so they can do the pick up pop bit op as he just can’t

Coolblur · 26/05/2024 00:35

My 11yo does. He moans a bit but gets on with it. I keep on top of it mostly, but if he wants to play football and there's one there, he can deal with it or not play. I won't be summoned to pick up shit for him when he's now capable of doing it himself.
His Dad leaves it to me just one of many issues I'm not letting DS grow up thinking that sort of thing is for women to deal with

sprigatito · 26/05/2024 00:37

I never made our kids pick up shit. It's an adult responsibility imo and we made the decision to have pets, not them. They had age-appropriate chores, but I don't consider shit-picking to be one of them.

caringcarer · 26/05/2024 00:45

I think the adults made the decision to get the pets then they should clean up after them. Plenty of other chores DC could do.

Thomasina79 · 26/05/2024 01:20

I’m divided, but I think children should be taught that there are negative sides to the positives in life. I.e. if you want mash potatoes you have to peel potatoes, if you want clean clothes the washing machine needs to be loaded. Otherwise how are they to grow into independent adults eventually? Ok he might not have wanted the dog in the first place, but he did want to play football on the grass. Think of his future wife, she will bless you for teaching him the lessons of negative input into situations in order to have a smoother life and that work domestic or otherwise should be equal.

berys · 26/05/2024 01:53

Hmm maybe an unpopular opinion but whose idea was the dog? He didn't get the dog I suppose.. I wouldn't force him to clean up after... if you had a new born would you make him change nappies ? Same concept

Ppejfhfhrhhfhf · 26/05/2024 15:23

MahMahMahMahCorona · 25/05/2024 21:33

@5YearsLeft - ok, so perhaps I need to look into this little more deeply. DS12 recently walked into our bedroom clutching his appendix, we were directed straight to urgent care by the GP, and despite serious concerns, DS point blank refused to allow blood to be taken. There was no reasoning and as DS wouldn't consent, consultants (3 of them over 24 hours.....) were unable to do their job.

DS now realises consent is a very big part of his life, and has started being quite tricky about what he does want to do, and what he doesn't.

Was the poo picking a test? It wasn't meant to be. But my god the tantrum he pulled was similar to the 3 x blood test tantrums.

I know the two are not the same. I really do. I guess the issue here is just how we deal with the point blank refusal of things. Poo picking is one thing, blood tests (for his own health and welfare) is another, but the stubbornness is a little concerning.

Does that even make sense? I'm worried we are dealing with a bigger "thing" here.

This isn’t a bad thing though. When I was 27 I was told I had to have blood taken in order to have a procedure carried out. I asked if it was necessary and told yes. Anyway, after much butchering of my arm they couldn’t get the blood.

Went to an appointment a few days later and it was said they’d do the blood test. I again asked ‘do I have to’ and was told ‘you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do’. Didn’t have the blood test and had the procedure.

It’s always stayed with me and I think about it often when I feel under pressure. Bit of a nightmare for you that your son has learnt the lesson so early, but probably very good for him overall.

Upping the pocket money for the eldest because he picks it up and is therefore doing more seems sensible.

spov · 26/05/2024 15:34

I wouldn’t force a chid to pick up dog shit if they really didn’t want to. Dog ownership is an adult thing. Ultimately adults are responsible for the dog’s shite. Unless they have sent a teen dog walking, in which case the teen must pick the shite up - or not walk the dog.

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 26/05/2024 15:50

Thomasina79 · 26/05/2024 01:20

I’m divided, but I think children should be taught that there are negative sides to the positives in life. I.e. if you want mash potatoes you have to peel potatoes, if you want clean clothes the washing machine needs to be loaded. Otherwise how are they to grow into independent adults eventually? Ok he might not have wanted the dog in the first place, but he did want to play football on the grass. Think of his future wife, she will bless you for teaching him the lessons of negative input into situations in order to have a smoother life and that work domestic or otherwise should be equal.

Yes agree with this.

Freshly laid poo can be a bit stinky but poo that's been in the garden for a few hours mostly doesn't smell much (to me. I'm absolutely certain a poster will be along to disagree but I don't care). Sun dried poo that's hardened can be so easy to pick up. Unless he really feels hugely sick/gaggy there is no reason he can't do this.

My son has picked up poo since age of 8/9 as he understood it was part and parcel of having a lovely family dog to cuddle. Just like if he wanted fed, he might have to come to the supermarket with me, or if he wants clean clothes he needs to put them in the washing basket.

Pinkfurby · 26/05/2024 17:33

I can't believe that people are this squeamish. I have seen 10 years olds mucking out stables and wheelbarrowing out loads of horse manure. For dogs, you just pop a dog litter bag on your hand, and grasp the droppings before slipping the bag over your hand so that your hand is then on the outside of the bag. You never come in contact with the droppings.

TeenLifeMum · 26/05/2024 17:37

I have 12 yo twins. One likes to walk dog so yes she picks up his poop no issue. Other won’t touch the poop so never walks him alone, but she does other chores cleaning out other pets so it’s a compromise. So I guess, would I make a dc do a specific chore they hate? No, but they’d have an alternative rather than no chore.

liveforsummer · 26/05/2024 18:02

Absolutely- my 11 year old can be reluctant but always does it

S0livagant · 26/05/2024 18:10

Pinkfurby · 26/05/2024 17:33

I can't believe that people are this squeamish. I have seen 10 years olds mucking out stables and wheelbarrowing out loads of horse manure. For dogs, you just pop a dog litter bag on your hand, and grasp the droppings before slipping the bag over your hand so that your hand is then on the outside of the bag. You never come in contact with the droppings.

I have no problem with manure. Dog poo is very different. I don't think anyone should have to deal with it who hasn't chosen to own a dog, knowing that was part of the responsibility.

Crepester · 27/05/2024 23:15

S0livagant · 26/05/2024 18:10

I have no problem with manure. Dog poo is very different. I don't think anyone should have to deal with it who hasn't chosen to own a dog, knowing that was part of the responsibility.

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Agree with this.

And to add age is probably irrelevant, people are all different and what makes one person squeamish may not make another squeamish, or find disgusting or whatever.

I know some kids who liked to play with worms as young kids but would’ve been grossed out holding a worm by the time they were teens. It’s not always something you “grow out” of.

It’s a perfectly acceptable thing to not want to pick up dog crap at any age - unless of course you’re a dog owner/walker who walks their dogs and doesn’t pick up after it!

It’s possible this kid will just never get over his disgust at picking up dog poo and therefore won’t choose to own his own dog in the future. And that’s ok.