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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Benefit Fraud and Drug Driving

76 replies

MrsDoylesMoles · 25/05/2024 17:15

Name changed for this.

It's a long one so please bear with me.

My husband has an employee who has worked for him for years. We are close to him and his wife and by extension know their family quite well. Their son has a girlfriend (we'll call her Jane) and they have a DC the same age as our youngest DC. With children the same age Jane has become an acquaintance. We attend some of the same toddler groups etc.

Over the course of the last year two things have become clear. She is fraudulently claiming benefits and is smoking weed regularly, in the same way a smoker would smoke a regular cigarette.

Jane claims full benefits as she gave up work after having DC. Her boyfriend has all his mail delivered to his parents home and she claims she lives alone with DC. He works full time on an adequate income (around £30,000) and lives with Jane and their DC as a family in a council property. Jane also does a few shifts each week cash in hand.

Yesterday she popped round so DCs could play together and not only rolled and smoked a joint in my garden she then got in her car and drove home with DC. Safe to say she won't be coming round again.

Am I being unreasonable to be extremely annoyed by this woman and to hope she gets caught out?

Drink driving and drug driving should be zero tolerance. It's just disgusting behaviour and endangers her DC and any others using the roads when she is.

The benefits system should not be being abused in this way. I am a SAHM to 3 young DC and my husband is a higher rate tax payer. I gave up work to stay home and we made changes to our lifestyle to accommodate that. Why should some people get away with getting the best of both worlds by cheating the system. A system that is hard enough for genuine claimants to get proper support.

I've been stewing so need some perspective.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 25/05/2024 17:18

Ah, another benefits bashing thread with a load of made up rubbish from someone who clearly has no idea how the benefits system actually works. Just in time for the general election.

Beezknees · 25/05/2024 17:18

Conveniently "name changed" as well.

Hermittrismegistus · 25/05/2024 17:19

You scrounge from your husband, Jane scrounges from the state.

Arlanymor · 25/05/2024 17:20

If you are close to the family I don’t think it would be unreasonable to express concern over the drug driving in terms of the kids safety to ideally the son (if you know him well enough) or to one of his parents, you can be sensitive about it. But stay away from the benefits thing altogether.

Jeezitneverends · 25/05/2024 17:20

Why would you tolerate someone smoking weed on your property? This would be more of an issue for me than the benefits stuff

NeverDropYourMooncup · 25/05/2024 17:21

Yeah, course she did and of course you invited round somebody who you already knew smoked weed and commits benefit fraud.

1/10. Must try harder.

vodkaredbullgirl · 25/05/2024 17:21

🤔

IClaudine · 25/05/2024 17:22

Oh yaaaaaaawn.

TinyYellow · 25/05/2024 17:22

Report the fraud and then forget about it.

IClaudine · 25/05/2024 17:23

Yesterday she popped round so DCs could play together and not only rolled and smoked a joint in my garden she then got in her car and drove home with DC

Why didn't you tell her to stop?

IClaudine · 25/05/2024 17:23

TinyYellow · 25/05/2024 17:22

Report the fraud and then forget about it.

Difficult to report complete fantasies, though.

You over egged your pudding, OP.

MrsDoylesMoles · 25/05/2024 17:25

Absolutely not made up. And not benefits bashing. There is an essential benefits system that is there to support people who need it. Not people who just can't cut their cloth accordingly when they make a choice to give up working.

OP posts:
IClaudine · 25/05/2024 17:27

What do you want from this thread about your checks notes husband's employee's son's girlfriend?

Loubelle70 · 25/05/2024 17:28

None of your business about the benefits, its jealousy...saying its because of genuine claimants etc is so you dont get bashed on here. You are pearl clutching in this regard. Tories wet dream.

As for smoking then driving...report her to police.
See ? All sorted.

MrsDoylesMoles · 25/05/2024 17:29

Arlanymor · 25/05/2024 17:20

If you are close to the family I don’t think it would be unreasonable to express concern over the drug driving in terms of the kids safety to ideally the son (if you know him well enough) or to one of his parents, you can be sensitive about it. But stay away from the benefits thing altogether.

I'm quite close to the MIL so could raise it with her but she very much likes DIL and I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship. I'll give it some thought. Thank you.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 25/05/2024 17:29

IClaudine · 25/05/2024 17:23

Difficult to report complete fantasies, though.

You over egged your pudding, OP.

OP had to add in the council house and cash in hand job to complete the caricature.

murasaki · 25/05/2024 17:31

Could you not have asked her not to smoke that in your garden?

Loubelle70 · 25/05/2024 17:31

Beezknees · 25/05/2024 17:18

Ah, another benefits bashing thread with a load of made up rubbish from someone who clearly has no idea how the benefits system actually works. Just in time for the general election.

Agree. Fed up with posts like this. Pretending they care about genuine claimants but it is an attack on people on benefits. Divide and conquer rhetoric.

oberst · 25/05/2024 17:31

Surely her boyfriend's parents know she smokes weed if she is smoking it so blasé around others houses etc?

Also; weed stinks, she'd smell of it even if she didn't smoke it around them. They probably know.

Driving while intoxicated either from drink or drugs is obviously illegally, so yeah, I'd definitely report that.

Benefits though? Who cares.

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowItHaveAGin · 25/05/2024 17:31

Oooh Council house, cash in hand job, full benefits, live in partner....

How big is their TV?

IClaudine · 25/05/2024 17:33

Why did you name change for this @MrsDoylesMoles ?

Loubelle70 · 25/05/2024 17:34

Beezknees · 25/05/2024 17:29

OP had to add in the council house and cash in hand job to complete the caricature.

Exactly...such a stereotype painted. Could say OP is scrounging as a SAHM as her husband earns. Nothing better to do...im glad OP isnt my friend...she doesnt know the ins and outs of the 'friends' relationship and benefits. Shes guessing.
Report for driving under influence but stay away from the benefits situation OP...you do not know

TorringtonDean · 25/05/2024 17:34

Report her car reg to the police. Her child is in danger if she is drug driving. And don’t allow smoking of drugs on your premises. If anyone tried that at my house they would be told to leave.

MrsDoylesMoles · 25/05/2024 17:35

Jeezitneverends · 25/05/2024 17:20

Why would you tolerate someone smoking weed on your property? This would be more of an issue for me than the benefits stuff

I don't like conflict so I made my excuses and got her to leave when I came out and realised what was happening. I had gone in to grab something and came out to her sitting on the patio as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I've never had anything like that happen before and I didn't really know what to do.

OP posts:
TorringtonDean · 25/05/2024 17:35

OP isn’t scrounging. It’s a family arrangement. Claiming benefits fraudulently is….well….fraud!

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