To tell parents about nasty messages on kids messaging group

[MBDBBB]

My 12 y.o. child is on a message group chat with friends at school. I keep a general eye on it (with my child’s knowledge) and it’s in the main harmless chit chat and posting silly YouTube videos. I have spotted a really offensive message from one member of the group about another child in the year who is not on the chat. My child and another called them out and said they should delete it, but it is still there. I am debating messaging the mother of the child to flag up that she might want to keep a closer eye on what her child is posting but part of me thinks perhaps that would just be busybody behaviour. WIBU to message her?

YABU - mind your own business
YANBU - message her

Think about this - if it was your child posting that message, would you want to know? They are still children and need guidance on how to behave on Social Media. I wouldn’t make a big issue out of it but I’m sure most parents would appreciate a heads up.

Yeah absolutely I would, I am just not sure how well-received it would be by the mother. She tends to be a bit standoffish at the best of times. I also don’t want to make things awkward for my child.

Whilst l would want to know l would wonder where the child got the opinion from, if it’s from the parents then she may become more standoffish. I think in this position (due to the fact l don’t know how offensive it is) l might hold off saying anything but praise my child for calling it out. FWIW l have a just turned 12 yo who is in chat groups and knows l check the chats too.

I don’t really want to say specifically what it says here but I can’t imagine that the opinion has come from the parents. It’s offensive on many levels.

Inform the school. They can approach the parents and deal with it. That way you’ve taken action but you don’t have to deal with any potential backlash from the parents.

Screenshot, tell the school or share with the parent.

I don’t really want to involve school on the basis that it’s not up to them to police behaviour outside of school. It puts them in a difficult position. It’s not a school run messaging group.

my husband thinks I should keep out of it so I think that’s what I’ll do for now but just keep an eye on things.

I teach year 6. It’s very normal for parents to ask me for help and I’m glad they do. At the start of the year, I tell them to.

So you’re going to turn a blind eye? If another parent had seen similar messages about your child what would you like them to do in your shoes? What would your husband like them to do? I’m not sure either of you would be pleased if a parent was aware of offensive messages circulating about your child and did nothing.

Whatsapp groups, social media interactions etc are absolutely the school’s business if it involves their students.

Thank you this is useful to know.

No you’re right I’m just not sure of the best approach really without being “that” parent

Definitely let the parents know. Wouldn’t you want to know?

Wtf do you mean "that" parent. Stop worrying about people's perception of you and challange the wrongs in this world. No one is going to stab you

I think your concerns are valid. But given that it wasn’t said directly to the kid, and the other children on the chat have already called them out, I don’t think you need to also become involved.

I understand.

If you approach the school and say you’re concerned about this affecting student’s or parent’s relationships I’m sure they can keep you anonymous. A friend had a similar situation, reported to the school something her son had seen on Snapchat and the school investigated it. She wasn’t named to any parents as the person who reported the concerns, it was just said that someone had brought a video circulating on social media to their attention.

Schools can and do get involved with group WhatsApps if the content is threatening or derogatory towards members of the school. I would screen shot and inform them of the messages.

When it's a school class group, school is the obvious port of call for help as they know all the children/families involved.

We recently had an outside school social media incident in a class group and the teachers spoke to the kids in class about the importance of respecting others and safeguarding personal information. They also sent a letter home to all parents to flag the importance of.monitoring. my child wasn't directly involved but I guess they also took further steps.to talk to those that were.

Although it's out of school, I don't think schools can escape being involved in social media these days when it's a class group as the dynamics within these groups cascades over into school and real life social interactions too.

This!
💯 it’s part of our safeguarding policy.
Ultimately bullying online is illegal and the adult pays the bill so they need to be aware.

I'd let the parent know (I'd definitely want to know!).

Id send the screenshot to the parent, with a really simple message "hi x, I just wanted to make you aware that y has commented this on the group chat, they've been told by a couple of the other kids it's not appropriate and they should delete it. As yet they haven't, so thought I'd just give you a heads up"

It doesn't require a response from them to you, you've given them a heads up, and it's up to them how they deal with it.

I had exactly this situation a couple of days ago- my DC was sent a very nasty message on the class group. The same age group too although my DC was in the group and saw the message. I normally check the WhatsApp but had missed this. Another mum alerted me and I am grateful she did. I handed it over to school who dealt with it really well and spoke to involved parties as well as the whole year group. Of course we also spoke about it at home. This is a tricky age and they need guidance to learn how to navigate these situations.

This is sort of my feeling but the message hasn’t been deleted. My main concern is the child named in the message to be honest. I don’t feel comfortable with the message still being on there.

When this has happened in my dd chat groups, and parents have been notified by other parents what their child has been doing, it hasn’t been well received.

parents say things like….

• they don’t understand what they’re saying.
• i check their iPad regularly and haven’t seen anything
• they just being kids
• they don’t understand the meaning of the words they’re saying.
• i don’t think it’s that bad really

You absolutely need to send it to the school, they have training in this now as sadly it's very common but it has to be called out.

There’s no denying that this is a bad message and is definitely not just kids being kids. It’s not sweary, it’s offensive, untrue and discriminatory. It would cast the child in a very very bad light if it was submitted to school.

In which case it's even more important that the school sees it.

Things like this have to be nipped in the bud really early on.

I had a really tearful phone call from a woman I knew who was the mother of one of my daughter's school friends.

Other girls had been making fun of her on a messenger service while she was there and my daughter had added LOL. Her mother was very upset that my daughter hadn't stood up for the friend.

I totally agreed with her and I spoke to the other parents about it. We all agreed they weren't mature enough for that sort of service and the children weren't allowed to have it.