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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband left child in the car

120 replies

Cozza92 · 25/05/2024 09:16

Hi everyone, so, I had a situation this morning that has really irked and concerned me. I know it’ll likely lead to an argument with my husband because he feels that I criticise his parenting choices. However, this morning he left my 4 yo son in the car with the engine running. The car was still in our drive way and he was just running the empty bins back around the house but there were a couple of points at which the car was out of sight to him (maybe 10-20 seconds). I was in the house but heard the engine running and bins rolling and went to investigate. Our drive is covered by trees so I have briefly ran in the house to grab something with DC in car but only with keys in my hand and car door locked. We live on a quiet residential street so it’s unlikely that anyone could have run into drive and reversed car out of narrow wall in that time. However, it’s not impossible!!
I was quite angry with him but I’m not sure this is the hill to die on.. What do you guys think? Am I being over the top?

OP posts:
HornyHornersPinger · 25/05/2024 14:30

Genuinely thought I was going to read "Husband collected child from school/preschool/childminder, got home then went indoors and fell asleep forgetting child was in car"
So yes, you are very much BU.

CannotbebotheredNope · 25/05/2024 14:34

A complete non event.

maw1681 · 25/05/2024 14:40

YABU what are you concerned could have happened in 10 seconds? Assume DS was strapped in a car seat?

Neeemo · 25/05/2024 15:00

gardenmusic · 25/05/2024 12:35

This takes me back a few years - person left car on a hill with two slightly older children in the back - messing about, somehow one of them knocked off the hand brake. There were 5 of us holding the car on the hill. Busy road at the bottom. The children could not understand how to put the hand brake on, and the windows were shut, so we could not reach in.
How steep was the drive?

Why couldn't the older kids just open the door? 🤔

Seeline · 25/05/2024 15:21

I agree the risk is low, but it is a completely avoidable risk, so why would you take the risk.

And yes I know a couple of times when cars with engines running have been stolen off drives locally.

pikkumyy77 · 25/05/2024 15:23

A four year old can absolutely get out if the seat and unlock the handbrake. Just because you are often over anxious doesn’t mean your DH wasn’t wrong.

Topseyt123 · 25/05/2024 15:31

He shouldn't have left the engine running and should have taken the key with him, having locked the car.

Other than that I have no problem with what he did and wouldn't erupt over it. Just mention it as calmly as possible later.

SpoonyFish · 25/05/2024 15:49

I think it was fine - so long as the child was buckled in, not climbing around the car capable of releasing the handbrake for example.

TheStickySweethearts · 25/05/2024 15:51

I think you're right OP, because the engine was running. If the child unbuckled and started messing, who knows 🤷‍♀️

sparklychair · 25/05/2024 15:51

Many years ago we lived on a steepish hill. Our neighbour's little sons let the handbrake off in their Dad's car which was parked in the street (engine was off) - it rolled down a few feet into another car which fortunately stopped it. Cars both damaged but the children were unhurt.

Seaweed42 · 25/05/2024 15:52

It'd be safer to turn off the engine, or at least leave a door open in the car in case the kid got locked in with the keys in there.

Then again, depends what sort of area you live in. If it was an inner city estate with a high crime rate then yes it's unreasonable.

midlifeattheoasis · 25/05/2024 16:08

YABU

gardenmusic · 25/05/2024 16:16

Why couldn't the older kids just open the door?

They were old enough to be out of baby seats, but not 'older' children. Luckily a couple saw the car rolling, and leaped for it, shouting. Then others joined us. The kids were in the back crying and clutching at each other. We couldn't open it from the outside, and they couldn't grasp that they needed to get out - we would still have held it anyway, or straight down the hill and across the junction.

RoobarbAndMustard · 25/05/2024 16:19

Airdustmoon · 25/05/2024 09:19

YABU. This is absolutely fine and no one is going to steal a car with a 4 year old in the back.

I'm afraid this happened a few times where cars have been stolen with kids in the back. You shouldn't leave a car unattended with the engine running.

alfagirl73 · 25/05/2024 17:02

I get anxiety, however, in such moments, consider the facts of the situation and the real probability of something happening.

What was the real probability that a car thief or kidnapper was lurking at your driveway - which appears to be partially hidden anyway - at that EXACT moment anticipating a 10-20 second window when your child would be in the car with the engine running and your DH would be distracted with the bins?

Of course there are the stories of freak type events but factor in that they only make the news because they are rare. Millions of people do exactly as your DH has done with nothing happening. You cannot eliminate every risk in life; the key is to take a rational view on the facts and actual risk (not perceived risk).

And while cars have indeed been stolen with kids in the back, the vast majority of opportunistic car thieves would MUCH prefer an empty car to one with a child in it. So unless your DH's car is something so spectacular that a car thief would target it specifically, if it IS stolen it will likely be an opportunistic bog-standard car thief who would would most probably prefer an empty car they can go racing around in before dumping it. An additional 4 year old is is an unnecessary complication when the thief could just as easily move on and steal an empty car.

Stories from the USA involving cars and children aren't helpful; the vast majority of cars over there are automatic and VERY easy to drive or for a young child to get to where it might roll. Many USA children learn to at least release the brake and put the car into drive very early - some even learning to drive a tiny bit on a private driveway long before they actually properly learn to drive and get their licence. It is a different situation to this.

The reality here is that by the time your child may have thought and had an opportunity to do anything (ie climb out of his seat, make it into the driver's seat and attempt to do anything), it is highly likely your DH would've been back at the car. You don't report your child doing anything like this, so I assume he behaved himself and sat nicely waiting for his dad to return.

Again - I get anxiety and I'm an over thinker... but it does help with things like this to really examine the reality and facts of the situation rather than endless "what ifs" which can spiral and are rarely realistic or probable scenarios. Focus on what is probable rather than what is possible - balance the two out.

Persephonegoddess · 25/05/2024 17:25

YANBU never leave a car with keys in.... but with a child inside, that is even worse and to top it all if it was stolen your insurance would have been invalid!

Ariela · 25/05/2024 21:23

Not steal, but what if 4 yo got out of car seat and decided to climb over the drivers seat to try and get out - could have knocked handbrake off/knocked into gear etc. Far, far worse than car being stolen.

Member869894 · 25/05/2024 21:25

I think you are being batshit crazy

SeriaMau · 26/05/2024 08:13

ACynicalDad · 25/05/2024 14:29

I wouldn’t go over the top but he should not leave a child and the keys in a car. The chances are minimal but the potential outcome could be beyond awful.

The same reason I never walk across a road. Or go in an aeroplane. Or eat seafood.

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