Husband left child in the car

[Cozza92]

Hi everyone, so, I had a situation this morning that has really irked and concerned me. I know it’ll likely lead to an argument with my husband because he feels that I criticise his parenting choices. However, this morning he left my 4 yo son in the car with the engine running. The car was still in our drive way and he was just running the empty bins back around the house but there were a couple of points at which the car was out of sight to him (maybe 10-20 seconds). I was in the house but heard the engine running and bins rolling and went to investigate. Our drive is covered by trees so I have briefly ran in the house to grab something with DC in car but only with keys in my hand and car door locked. We live on a quiet residential street so it’s unlikely that anyone could have run into drive and reversed car out of narrow wall in that time. However, it’s not impossible!!
I was quite angry with him but I’m not sure this is the hill to die on.. What do you guys think? Am I being over the top?

YABU

I have done same as DH.

It's leaving the key in the ignition that was so wrong. A few years ago someone local to me was taking shopping in to the house with child in the car seat and while she was in the house her car was stolen with child still in it. It took seconds.
Thankfully the thief left the car and legged it when they saw the baby in the back.
You don't have to be on high alert all the time, but simple precautions are always wise.

Yabu and stop criticizing your husband.

How are you working on your anxiety and childhood trauma?

By risky I mean, the kid potentially running away whilst you're distracted by the bins. Depends on the kid I suppose, mine was/is a runner!

Completely over the top.

I sympathise with the anxiety @Cozza92 although if it makes you feel any better, my anxiety is that if I shut the car door I might have a heart attack between shutting the car door after strapping DC in and opening the driver door and that DC would then be trapped in there. I know it's absolutely ridiculous but that is why I would do what your DH did and leave the door unlocked.

(I have zero reason to believe I might suddenly drop dead of a heart attack, by the way. So purely pointless anxiety.)

Oh, I get it completely!

Meditation, exercise, self help books! All the usual!

I'm actually with you on this one OP. I have left my kids in the car for a split second before, but ALWAYS turn the car off and take my keys with me. You can't trust anyone.

I don't think you're being overly anxious either. You're being realistic, and when it comes to your child, you have to always think of their safety.

I totally understand! I have similar thought patterns!

Massive overreaction. At most, I'd ask him to turn the engine off just to be 100% safe, but that's because I don't trust children not because I think someone will steal the car.

He should have turned the engine off. But a 4yo should be able to sit in a car for a few minutes without playing with anything.

Also thinking logically... its very hard for a 4yo to drive a car. Even with a manual handbrake, they take a bit of practice to disengage. They can't reach the pedals .

10-20 seconds? Yes YABU

Totally over the top reaction OP.

Have you not got much else going on in your life to worry about? Lucky!

It’s illegal on a public road.

Still anti social even on a private drive. .

Did he leave the car running because it was hot in the car and needed the air con? That's the only reason I would do this with the car on. I often strap my kids in the car before packing to the stuff so I can do it without tripping over them or they fight or something but only with car running if it's roasting.

Well in a very nice respectable area of Dublin before COVID we had an incident where a person got in a car with engine running and drove off! Baby in back seat, I have never saw so many Garda cars in my life.

Thankfully twenty minutes later baby was safely recovered and it had been an unobservant car thief. So no it isn't overkill., I would bring the child with me and race the bins.

This

Cue lots of catastrophising stories about people you know once upon a time.

Your child is far, far more likely to die or be seriously being hit by a car as a pedestrian or being involved in a car accident while you are driving than in the scenario you've described - either because they escape the car seat and drive the car themselves or a kidnapper lurking right there for the key 20 second period kills them.

So yes, this is not something that is high risk at all.

I agree with this. Although where I live, I'd lock the car to run back to the house only if I had managed to park right outside the house (because where we live there are no drive ways and it's all on-street parking in a city).

There's also the environmental impact of leaving the engine running, and the cost! Such waste.

Yeah another one who thinks this is fine even if I probably wouldn't think to do it myself.

The thought of child abduction by a stranger is terrifying, but it's very rare. Realistically, leaving your child locked in a car is probably more of a risk. But we can all live in fear of tiny risks, and end up damaging our children as a result. The epidemic of child anxiety disorders is in part due to parental anxiety. Taking a realistic look at situations like this is one step to protect our kids from anxiety later. As the saying goes, let your kids experience the world - it's a lot easier to fix a broken bone than an anxiety disorder.

Have a look at this, on Reasons you can't recognize your anxiety, especially for moms.