Am I getting it wrong - 13 year old DC and revision

[Lotscanchange]

DC is bright, doing fine at school. They don’t get much homework but they seem to have termly tests in main subjects.

This year - year 8 - is important as they start their GSCE in year 9 and lots of streaming begins. I want him to be in a good set as the behaviour in class worsens as the set drops - and he’s a bit of a sponge for all that.

Anyway, whilst he cares and he’s quite competitive - he’d also prefer to be doing anything other than school work in his own time. I should also add he’s not great in tests without working in advance.

So I try to gee him up. Get him to do 30 mins a day for a few weeks (never works out every day but that’s the goal) to cover all the topics.

so i have to be on his case. And I am.

but then I woke in night thinking - what the fuck am I doing? Am I being ridiculous? Should I just be totally hands off and let him sort it? I had a panic that come year 9 onwards, where GCSE work begins, he’ll be over it and won’t do it

Please don’t put pressure on him. If you are like this now, I worry how you will be when he is in year 11.
He’s only in year 8, back off him a bit. Let him get settled into his subjects first.

I think you’ve gone overboard.

every school year is valuable, but you’ve got him on a revision schedule for 3 years! And then if he does A levels? That’s quite the run of “important” years. I don’t think you’ll increase his desire by pushing so early, I think you risk burning through what enthusiasm and good will he does have.

@ChannelyourinnerElsa. Said everything I was going to say.

Yes, I can see that I’m in danger of going overboard

it’s such a fine line - getting him to fulfil his potential and not being a wanky pushy mum.

sadly, I went to a hugely competitive top private school (he’s in a state school) and it’s almost in my DNA now to push and strive - but im aware of it, hence being here

Secondary teacher and owner of two teens here. Very very different in their approach to school and work but other than giving them space and every resource they need / ask for I don't get involved unless directly asked. Time and again I've seen students, especially boys, do fuck all out of the classroom until after y11 mocks and then almost without exception they work their arses off for 6 months and do ok..usually bemoaning that they left it so late. But you can't make them. Even you you chain them to the table, if their brain isn't engaged it's not worth it.
I really really disagree with schools starting GCSE syllabi in Y9 unless it's in subjects that are naturally progressive like languages and maths. Summer borns who don't turn 13 until the summer hols are choosing their options at 12.
As to setting, I would hope there's some movement and flexibility at each point so your ds may decide for himself he wants to achieve more to get away from the idiots and the idiots may well improve as they grow.. again, they usually do.

I wouldn’t be waking him up early to do a set amount.

However we have encouraged and supported a bit of revision for tests coming up right from y7 to help
establish good self study habits.

For example at dinner they will be telling me about something they have done in English and then I can say oh bbc bitesized have some good resources on that for when your test comes up. And then we find them and look at them together then I go away and they do a bit more independently.

So I would do the research about resources and then try and match them to what they are doing. Then we just build up a bank of things that the school suggests and what I suggest and they can do 20 mins of that a few times a week. They make flash cards and we play games/teat one another with them.

So yes we do do some revision right from the get go.

Thanks, this is a really valuable perspective

That sounds good - but it’s also about what sort of kids you have. I worry that my son isn’t cut from the cloth that wants to do work like this - so it’s becoming destructive/counter productive

I'd not worry too much. We revise in class and tell them to take their revision home before the exams and have scan through

There is another reason he is not doing well in tests

Try to keep home a nice place, not a battle ground over homework

He still has another 6 years at school I'm not sure that 30 mins per day is realistic or fair.

Thank you - what do you mean there’s another reason he’s not doing well in tests?

I don't think you are being unreasonsble as I don't think half an hour in an evening is long in the scheme of things, especially if you are flexible when it doesn't work out. I think if a routine was established of a set time (so its predictable) of e.g. 4.30-5pm, then its hardly a big deal as there is a lot of the evening left after this, especially given he has little homework. I think it set him up good and lastingvstudy habits that will lead to future success and he will have strategies under his belt for when the really important study years come around. I think it is a bit late to suddenly expect students to know how to employ good study habits by the time they are in Year 10/11 as this are habits that are best established and learned consistently in younger years. And the theory of spaced learning, interleaving and retrieval scientifically proves that little and often is more effective for long term learning than cramming.

I don’t think 30 mins is an unreasonable expectation. Is there a type of revision which appeals to him? Maybe making note cards for a history topic one day, five maths questions another day, 30 mins on a language learning app another.. Have a checklist and tick off so he can see progress.

I wouldn't wake him early as teenage hormones mean sleep is important.

As a teacher I think it's brilliant when parents support kids with revision. I have done a lesson one HOW to revise with my Y7s and Y8s. They absolutely need support and shown how to revise.

You can always tell the kids who have supportive parents at home.

It's actually the parents attitude towards their child's education that has the biggest outcome on success, more than the school's input.

I sympathise. I went to a ferociously academic girls private school and now have boys in state - the difference in the amount of work I did and the amount they do is staggering

i am laying off at the moment although reinforcing expectations ie I expect them to work to the best of their ability (they DON’T do this, but they know I expect it 😁)

i will help at gcse but not sure what else to do. I can’t make them

Yes, it’s hard it isn’t it? You could def call my school ferocious. I was always working. And I’ve always been extremely driven (though at mid life can analyse all that and not sure that’s been the way to go) - is that a result of that environment or just a personality thing? Not sure

My child’s school expect them to work every night during the week. One night at weekend and every day during the half term holiday. I can live with the weekly homework. But not holiday time revision. I have told them he will not be doing it (they are checking their homework jotters for evidence) He needs to develop other skills to be a rounded individual not just be a school work monkey. Let your kid be during half term.

For me, it’s my personality. I still drive myself at work, try my very best in all situations. I sew and if it’s not perfect I rip it up and start again (I am happy, just to be clear, just very driven)
my sons are not like this. In general I think this is good but i would like them to do even ten minutes revision before tests

thank you

I don't think you're doing wrong expecting your DS to do a bit of revision for exams. It's a good habit to get into.
Above all it gives him the opportunity to work out which revision techniques work best for him before he gets to the important exams.
So many kids get to GCSEs and realise that they don't know how to revise. It's important to remember that we all learn in different ways. It's so much easier if you can work that out in the early stages.

Children have to own their own ambition to do well. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for years of nagging and a resentful child.

Year 8'exams don't matter so I would have a chat with him about revision - say it is up to him if he wants to do it and do well and be in a better set next year And if there is any way you can help him - you are right there for him.

And then - leave him to it.

You don't want to be in a terrible cycle of nagging and resentment at GCSE and A level, with a much older teen.

Just to add I do not get involved in their work at all unless asked.

Eldest had year 10 mocks in May so I did have a high level talk in the Easter holidays- asking if she had lots to do, whether she had a plan. Also they come and say they need this revision guide book or that thing for Art and I get it for them asap.

I was a bit worried as she didn't seem to be spending long periods sitting at a desk working - but I think the way they work now is different anyway - using tech resources and a little and often approach. Anyway she did fine in her mocks.

Youngest is year 7 and does his own homework. I don't get involved unless asked.

I really think it's better for them to have ownership of it in the long run.

I guess if you try it and you see they are not picking up the ball then you can think again and change approach.

@Lotscanchange

There are many reason internal
And external that children do not perform well in tests:

They are low ability
They do not like the subject
They have poor literacy
They have poor numeracy
They have poor handwriting /motor skills
They don't know how to revise
They don't know what to revise.
The have been poorly prepared by the school
They don't have a checklist
They have poor exam skills
They get anxiety
They have low parental engagement
They are disaffected
They have low self esteem
They have poor attendance
They don't pay attention in lessons
They mess about instead of working
They are late to Lesson
They have a specific learning difficulty

I don't think revision is necessary or helpful at this stage, especially if it is becoming a battle. If he attends school daily and does the required work he should know what he needs to, he could read through his book the night before the test to jog his memory. You can encourage him in many ways that don't directly involve school work too. For example foreign language TV and films, encourage reading of a variety of books both fact and fiction, watching of relevant TV, talk to him about anything specific he is interested in or is struggling with.

I’m a teacher, I wish all parents were like you! Personally I think that it is really good to get him into the right habits in the future for work and exams, it means it won’t be such a shock to him and easier for him to just crack on with work when he starts his GCSEs, also he can see that hard work breeds success. 30 mins is not over the top.

They won’t get much homework because honestly we just don’t have time to mark it all. If you have 300 kids to teach like I do, to set tests and on top homework is just not possible. For me I have to set essay tests every 7 weeks, so 300 to mark then homework on top and planning, just would not be enough time In the day even if we would want to, so what you are doing is good in terms of getting him into the right work mode. There are studies that say homework is no positive effect- personally I disagree- you can tell which kids have done work at home- revision etc at GCSE and A level compared to the ones who haven’t. Also these students are going to have to complete with private school and international students in the future for top university spots- if they don’t get into the right habits now they have no chance because as you know private school children work hours after school every night so can wipe the floor with them- they need to know this is the reality and step up to the plate, same goes in the work world, hence one reason why private school children do better in the percentage who go to top universities and get top jobs.

My DS is in the middle of his GCSEs at the moment. He's at a very competitive school. I've just left him to it - they have to work out how they revise best themselves. I am there to provide any resources he needs and emotional support. He's essentially spent the last 6 months revising all day at school so he hasn't had to do too much at home. I think people forget that they are doing a lot of this at school .