Tell me you're a parent of a ND child without telling me...

[Deeperthantheocean]

Just looking for experiences from others who get it! Being a parent isn't easy but when you have that extra layer of special needs it's a whole different ball game.

As much as you love your dc it really is tough and brings so much extra worry, stress and complete modification of life as you expected it to be. The things you had imagined being able to do with them you can't, the interventions, finding the right specialist school, daily physical and emotional battles, the list goes on.

It's not their fault, they aren't naughty or spoilt, they act certain ways because that's how they cope. So, when integrating with events with NT kids no one realises how we're on watch every second, have to deal with and defuse situations before they escalate, leave early as we know behaviour is going to be frowned upon and basically jist not attend some events etc.

An expert for our dc's particular diagnosis was 'your life from now on will mostly be with others with the same needs' and it's true. Only family and close friends understand, don't judge and as parents we feel more comfortable getting together and can actually relax a bit!

To emphasise, we adore them, they are indeed special and need extra care and we will continue to our best always to support them and they know this. ❤️

So I'll start with a few random examples of how you know someone has a ND child...

Sorry, won't be in to work, turning round, school needs help with my dc at 9.15am

Unfortunately I can't take on your child (childminder) as agreed, I've found out more about them and doesn't fit into the group

Sorry but they can't attend breakfast and after school any more as we can't staff the extra needs

Your dc was upset and rude to my dc, all she wanted was for them to put their shoes on to go outside to play and he said he couldn't so she called him names so he burst out crying and shouted she was mean.

So many things! Anyway, point is to reach out to all of you who don't fit into many conversations here on MN and real life. And a big shout out they you are doing g an amazing job, even though you may think so. Xx

Mr Popper's Penguins. Over and over and over.

Now it's endless YouTube Minecraft redstone videos, and I'm expected to know how all the redstone stuff works.

Yes, this! Every day even holidays and weekends. I hear people saying their child doesn't get up until 9am. Mine has never slept past half 7. He's 9 years old

My son has discovered the "inside the factory" programme on iPlayer and is obsessed with the episode where they make London buses. He was telling my dad all about the motors and batteries and tools they use- he's 4 🤣

Send him round. I need a new roomba battery put in and he sounds like just the man to do it ;-D

I have to throw out the pasta sauce I just made as there were too many squishy bits. Cannot ever change recipes.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow @KeepOnSwimming2000

I have been blending Lloyd Grossman sauce for 15 years. It's on offer at Tesco right now. Just had another 20 jars delivered.

We have been eating smorgasbords of bread, ham, peppers, cucumber and cubes of cheese for lunch for 15 years. No sandwiches here.

This thread has made me think I need some Lloyd Grossman in my life. This seems to be the Gateway Sauce.

I have to make my DS pasta sauce. It's all he will eat.

It is one onion, many carrots, sometimes a yellow courgette - cooked until soft with a bit of water, add in some veg stock powder and blend in the nutri bullet with Passata.

It must be orangey red, have a salty taste. He doesn't mind garlic too.

He has no idea what is in his special sauce and he is 14!

Stranger up in her face "you are being very naughty and loud, stop it"
To my ADHD daughter in meltdown. Was so flabbergasted I didn't retaliate ! Bloody boomers, it's always boomers.

Having ear defenders in the car for emergencies.

A drawing wall full of the same repeated picture of Goofball Island from Inside Out.

Being word perfect on Inside Out with the soundtrack on my phone.

Learning a lot about venomous snakes and crocodiles.

I have 1 DD with ADHD and 1 DS who is autistic.

I was half an hour late to work today because it's my 4 year olds first full day back at nursery since half term. He was so anxious and stressed, crying his eyes out and it nearly broke me. He dropped his comfort rabbit in the cats water so I had to grab the replacement. His chocolate bar broke because he was struggling in the car so much, that was the end of the world. Thought he was going to be sick.

I managed to get him to walk instead of going in the car and the walk seemed to calm him because he was ok when he actually got there. He insisted I call the nursery because "it's not our normal time" and then quizzed me on who I spoke to and if they said it was ok we were coming a bit later.

Trying to take the win that I got him calmed down and through the door but my god it's shook me up a bit this morning!

School in September 😬

I know facts about the titanic that could genuinely render me an expert.

I would choose it as my specialist subject on a game show!

I have never gone looking for any information on the titanic, its all been forced!

So helpful to not feel alone with this.

If I use slang or swear I am reminded of the grammar rules. (I’ve taught senior school English for 24 years) She will even remind me when I taught them to her.

Chicken goujons for Christmas dinner; sausages are Sunday lunch and ‘bits’ (babybel cheese, red pepper and chorizo- note the red food) are the staple diet.

She is not the way she is because I have treated her like a princess (thanks bruv for the support)

I know the lyrics to the entire stage production of Hamilton but have only seen it once.

Explaining that no she will not grow out of it and everything is not better now after her first CAMHS appointment. (Thanks MIL)

Sitting in very dark rooms for hours on end with a blanket over your head in 29 degree heat is our normal. Currently there are 2 duvets, a weighted blanket and 3 fleece blankets on her bed.

All clothing has to be ‘soft’ or it cannot be worn. Ever.

Other teenagers are afraid of the way she stares at them. Only a select few are her ‘friends’, the rest of the boys in the year group set up a what’s app group to discuss her and then took a picture of her with her sunflower lanyard on to take the piss.

Changing the classroom at school can take 3 days to get over as can return from half term or holiday breaks.

But she has the most amazing singing voice and can sing opera in Russian, Italian and German. I am so proud of her for just getting out the front door in the morning.

I have to stop now because I’m crying.

Oh I'm the same!!! If quavers ever get discontinued I don't know what we will do.

Also, I find children's play parks stressful. DS loves to run about in loops screaming and screeching and I spend the whole time running after him to stop him picking up dirt, rubbish, leaves, stones which he loves to chew. It's hard watching other parents sit on benches either zoning out or chatting or on their phones, oblivious to their children and I just run about, follow DS, make sure he's ok getting up onto the climbing frame and down the slide (he sticks his legs out at awkward angles and gets stuck then cries).

Having to try and lift him up to clean his bum is also so hard now, he has bowel issues and isn't toilet trained. I'm finding this harder and harder now he's nearly 6 and tall and big for his age. I feel like I've failed. I worry about where to get bigger nappies.

I am also worrying he'll become too big for swim nappies and he loves the water. We have a lot of accidents. Thankfully it's never happened in the pool but in the changing room when I take off his costume. I bring Milton wipes, a whole roll of kitchen roll, Dettol. I see other parents letting their children change themselves. It's the casualness of their trust in their children to do things by themselves that shocks me sometimes. Makes me realise I basically have a huge (and getting bigger every year) toddler. He doesn't speak, just screeches and screams. I wish I knew his voice.

@INeedAPensieve that last line really got me.

As well as DS who is what I suppose would be high functioning, I have Dneice who is like your son.

Her parents are worried as she will be at puberty soon and as well as still in nappies they will need to deal with periods.

By the way. Whenever DS does something at school that is noteworthy - a good school report or similar, my mother says 'see, he's fine, there's nothing wrong with him'.

She just can't get her head around it.

If it helps, you can get nappies right up to adult sizes from your local council or NHS incontinence service, the school may need to refer you. You can get swim nappies up to adult size too.

@INeedAPensieve try Confidence Club online, we use their pull-ups for our 9yo. https://confidenceclub.co.uk

@HamBagelNoCheese @INeedAPensieve Sending so much love to you both.

And actually, to anyone and everyone on this thread. It's all hard. For us all. The mental load is so hard.

Sending all the best for a good night of sleep for us all. Onwards.