Tell me you're a parent of a ND child without telling me...

[Deeperthantheocean]

Just looking for experiences from others who get it! Being a parent isn't easy but when you have that extra layer of special needs it's a whole different ball game.

As much as you love your dc it really is tough and brings so much extra worry, stress and complete modification of life as you expected it to be. The things you had imagined being able to do with them you can't, the interventions, finding the right specialist school, daily physical and emotional battles, the list goes on.

It's not their fault, they aren't naughty or spoilt, they act certain ways because that's how they cope. So, when integrating with events with NT kids no one realises how we're on watch every second, have to deal with and defuse situations before they escalate, leave early as we know behaviour is going to be frowned upon and basically jist not attend some events etc.

An expert for our dc's particular diagnosis was 'your life from now on will mostly be with others with the same needs' and it's true. Only family and close friends understand, don't judge and as parents we feel more comfortable getting together and can actually relax a bit!

To emphasise, we adore them, they are indeed special and need extra care and we will continue to our best always to support them and they know this. ❤️

So I'll start with a few random examples of how you know someone has a ND child...

Sorry, won't be in to work, turning round, school needs help with my dc at 9.15am

Unfortunately I can't take on your child (childminder) as agreed, I've found out more about them and doesn't fit into the group

Sorry but they can't attend breakfast and after school any more as we can't staff the extra needs

Your dc was upset and rude to my dc, all she wanted was for them to put their shoes on to go outside to play and he said he couldn't so she called him names so he burst out crying and shouted she was mean.

So many things! Anyway, point is to reach out to all of you who don't fit into many conversations here on MN and real life. And a big shout out they you are doing g an amazing job, even though you may think so. Xx

We've just had/are finishing up a lovely stressful time where mine got a bad stomach bug, didn't/couldn't eat for 3 days for being sick then food tasted/felt weird when he could eat so all he could manage was salted pombear style crisps, which was fine, better than nothing and stopped his stomach hurting from hunger, but it's taken me days to get him somewhere close to eating what he was eating before (he is fussy with food, barely eats protein but actually amazing with fruit and okay with veg so this has been soo worrying and frustrating that his food might deteriorate to only unhealthy food). And then today he came home saying he's not allowed fruit in his lunch box for a school trip tomorrow, because if he says he has fruit his teacher will take it and eat it all so he's scared that will happen... Have messaged the teacher and he is allowed fruit, but it seems the 3 classes that are going have different rules on what they can take so she wanted her class to keep the fruit secret. He takes everything very literally so really believed she would eat it and has asked me not to give him any, he's only just got back to eating most of his packed lunch after the stomach bug and is barely managing to eat school lunch still and no idea if they will have anything he can/will eat with them for the shared lunch, so very very frustrating. He ate nothing all day Tuesday at school and came home complaining his stomach was hurting from hunger, so really not helpful to scare him off something he will eat when they will be out in a forest and he will need the energy!

Sorry, that was long.

More things specific to him;

• I'm not allowed to hum/sing to myself.
• He can spend hours watching short videos on Youtube/playing computer games but hates films, such a shame as I'd love to sit down with a film and watch with him but he says films are 'too long'. He is also very sensitive so even though we reassure him it's made up, everyone will be fine in the end he gets very upset at seeing film characters get upset or hurt and even gets upset when characters do naughty things (he's very rules based).
• I have to cut the spiky bits off of blueberries, they used to be fine as long as they were firm enough but he suddenly went off the spiky bits and my compromise is to slice that bit off so he at least keeps eating them...

I have just spent £25 on pens. Yep £25 on 12 pens because he won’t use any other type.
“I can use the dupe grape toothpaste but nothing else”

Going to school with my husband to drop Dc to school because he won't go without me, him breaking up earlier than the other children and me Going to school twice because he's done a poo in his pants , him triggering because someone touched his face or toy , him screaming because he doesn't want to leave the house then screaming because he doesn't want to come in , screaming because he doesn't want to brush his teeth or have a shower , him being really tired but refusing to go bed I could go on for days lol

Constantly hyper focused on a particular food then without any warning he doesn’t like that brand of chicken nuggets anymore when I don’t have anything else in as he hates everything. Asking what’s for tea every night when he only likes a limited amount of food. Never being on time for school as it’s not worth the argument every morning. He’s almost 14 and if I’m out I’ll have a hundred calls where am I, even if his dad is home with him

Tears because one of the neighbours changed from a house number to a house name, so now he can't count all the house numbers in the street correctly....

When you have to read obnoxious posts from NT kids parents telling you that "oh dont mind their meltdowns/outbursts, if you dont give in they will stop, my NT child used to get upset a bit but it's no logner happening because we were firm" and you no longer pay attention as there are gazillions of them a day and you just dont care.

DD getting incredibly anxious and delaying getting ready (back in the days when she left the house) until the only way to get there in time would be to invent a Time Machine. And having her yell at me that I had to sort it somehow because I'm the parent and that's my job

Having to throw away 3 bowls of Shreddies this morning because

Bowl 1: the wrong spoon was accidentally provided, meaning cereal was contaminated with wrongness

Bowl 2: Shreddies initially too dry, then too soggy because DC got distracted and left it all to soak up the milk. Rage ensued.

Bowl 3: Milk ‘seemed different’, and apparently I’ve ruined his whole life and he wishes I would die.

Sorry to distract... has everyone seen the 20 page special in the Guardian on neurodiversity?

There's a great article from the mum of an autistic daughter in todays guardian that I could have written word for word.

Calling sweet potatoes "pink potatoes" so she'll eat them

I had no idea this was a thing! Mine won't eat "cottage pie", we have to call (the sssh cottage pie) "Cumberland pie".

I cannot use the word "lovely" or say "I love.." something

Words are a huge deal

knowing he will find the hoover anywhere we visit and know how to disassemble and reassemble it

one year we watched Home Alone at least once a day for about 8 months

Having a fridge full of food that she liked this morning but…

worried about secondary school in case people think “I’m a weird freak “

“Mum… I just want to be normal”

“Mumma, I need you, you’re my safe place”

The fact I can count the number of full nights sleep I've had.in the last 17 years on my fingers and toes.

When the head of your DDs college spends 45 minutes coming down on the 14 other girls on her hair and beauty course (that she's looked forward to doing since year 7) like a ton of bricks because they imitated her stimming and laughed at her and called her names. I love her college.

When the hands tick over from 7.55am to 7.56am and the world ends because you haven't set off for school yet and DS will be late. Even though school starts in 45 mins and it takes 5 mins to get there.

Oh God. We watched ‘Hello, Dolly!’ multiple times a day over lockdown. I was not allowed to stop watching even for a second - he would hold my face in place. I could probably perform all the dance routines from memory.

My DS won’t say ‘please.’ He has to say ‘platypus’

We eat "yellow peas".
We have friends whose kids have eaten "round sausage" or "flat sausage" for 20 years. Every meat was referred to as "sausage"...
And other friends have a son who only eats "flat meat" :))

Will eat bread but not sandwiches.

@MustWeDoThis I have a metal cutlery set that I keep in my handbag (it also has metal chopsticks and a metal straw).

I was about to suggest this rather than plastic, but then I thought, "No, she might have to buy 20 to find one that was acceptable".

So why do I bother posting? To show I am learning so much from you lovely lot.

I’m so pleased you finally agreed to the new proper sized bed, I’ll buy it.

What do you mean you’ve changed your mind, it’s arrived. Please let me put it up.

Ok I promise to keep your old bed in case (rent storage unit for 3 months).

What do you mean the sheets feel wrong?

3 new bedding sets and a month later… can I throw out the old bed now, it can’t stay in storage forever??

OMG!! Just read the boneless KFC and European Royal families comment!!

We eat Domino’s ham and pineapple pizza in the car and watch the same episode of Red Dwarf. She picks the pineapple off but won’t let me order just ham pizza!!

I have a house rule that the same sentence can only be said three times in a row. After that you need to find different words.