To feel lonely as f***

[Cincin22]

I'm just fed up being so lonely. I'm not alone physically, but i have NO ONE, literally no one to call and share my good or bad news with. No one.
I've been through a tough time professionally in the past few weeks, as well as my car breaking, being ill, and there is absolutely no one who i can call and talk with as these things happen! I'm so tired of coping alone!

I'm a nice person. I divorced my primary-aged kids dad last year due to emotional, verbal and financial abuse. It took me a long time to leave because i practically had and have no emotional support. Since leaving, my life has improved a lot in many ways and i dont regret it. My ex hates me for leaving. He goes around talking rubbish about me to everyone who cares to listen. I'm Ok with that.

I have no mum (she died 10 years ago), my dad is a secret (in his own mind) alcoholic who puts the phone down on my calls if he's drunk. When he's not, he hates chatting. My brothers are distant and career/image oriented. They only do formal conversations. Meet-ups always arranged in advance. Never spontaneous. I have no best friend. I have a few good friends for meet-ups and get-togethers, but no spontaneous calls for sharing news. I appreciate my neigbours. Friendly and helpful, but again, not close.

Is this normal? Does everyone else have someone to call if something good happens to them? Or if something bad happens to them?

Hi Op Im also in the same situation and really fed up with feeling so alone all the time. I’m a single mum and my son is now 20 so out there living his own life which is good but it’s making me realise that unless I try and change my situation I’m going to end up a very lonely old lady.

I'm lucky I have a close family but I actually said to myself just now "I remember when I had a life". I remember when I used to go out for drinks or meet people for coffee or breakfast. When I was married we aways went out on a Saturday and saw friends in London.

I'm a (lapsed) Manchester United fan, there was a time I would have been down the pub celebrating this evening, instead I'm sat in my pjamas watching the cricket highlights.

I want to meet a friend for a drink and get slightly drunk and have a laugh. I want to go for lunch or coffee with a friend. This year has been really quiet and I'm feeling lonely, I'm bored of doing things on my own.

Me too. I have no kids, lost my mum, dont have any other family and it turned out that all of the friendships I valued so much were all one-sided. When things got tough most of my so-called friends phased me out. I'm completely invisible. If it wasn't for my DDog I'm not sure I'd feel like being here any more, I'm very grateful for her unconditional love. I dont know what's wrong with me, if I did I'd fix it because this is no life, for me or anyone else on this thread.

Really sorry OP, it sounds very hard. Well done for leaving your DH! Things take time to settle down, give yourself time.

You say you have some good friends; can you WhatsApp them if you need to chat or meet for a coffee etc if the DC aren’t with you?

@LetSleepingPussycatsLie I know what you mean! I have 2 cats and they are amazing. I honestly love one of them almost as much as my dc, because he gives me so much love.

@howtohabdle Sorry to hear you're going through this too. My exh was not emotionally supportive either. The opposite. He would listen to all of my most painful and embarrassing things i would share and in the next argument he would dig them out and use them against me. Its a hard way to live. Harder than being on your own actually.

I miss that go-to person. I had one in my 20s, but lost contact. We got back in touch briefly before he died young 8 years ago. Like you, I’m not alone but lonely. I’d love to be your friend, you sound great (and brave).

I feel lonely too, I yearn for a close friend who lives locally and who I could see regularly.

My three best friends have all gradually moved away, one to NYC, one to Scotland, one to the North (I'm in the South East).

My kids have left or are soon to leave home.

I'm fortunate that I get on well with DH and he's lovely, but he has a busy job and lots of interests and we never spend evenings together and rarely do things together.

I envy my DH and my dad, both have weekly meet-ups with a close friend, and a good social life with local friends. I've tried to make friends in my town and know a couple of lovely women, but they only want to meet up every 3-6 months which isn't the type of relationship I'm looking for.

This thread shows there are others like me who might have room in their lives to make a new close friend - but how do I meet someone in my town?! Whenever I meet people it seems they already have their social lives sorted.

I can relate to most of what you all say. I have friends who I meet up with every couple of months for a catch up. I know people who I go for a prearranged walk with occasionally, but I have no one who I can phone to go out for a spontaneous drink, or talk about the days events or just have a laugh with. I'm so lonely, thank god I have my dogs for their love and companionship. I couldn't survive without them.
I'm sorry for everyone facing this, life can be such a shit.

I feel similar to you, OP. I am 45, no kids or partner, I have M.E which has pretty much overshadowed my life and anything I could have made of it. I do have one good friend. Even so, the loneliness at times is palpable, so much so that I often comfort eat. M.E has totally obliterated my life. I'm happy to be your friend too! ☺️💐

I have a partner who is loving and cuddly and love that physical comfort. But wish I could also get it from friends. It's also a way to connect which isn't verbal, as I get tired of talking. What are your thoughts/experiences @Harara ?

I’d love a WhatsApp group for this. I have a partner and one the face of it, friends. But we don’t share anything real, we don’t have a particularly deep friendship just people to meet occasionally for drinks and food. DH is great but it’s not the same as having friends, it’s a different relationship. And I feel like a burden to him because he has lots of friends.

Thanks for your reply. I don’t have a partner and I certainly feel the lack of physical contact sometimes (though I am close to family). It’s interesting to hear that someone in a loving relationship could also feel that way. Wishing you cuddly friends!

Sad to see so many are in the same boat. I’m trying to make peace with not having any friends anymore. I’ve always struggled with making friends so whenever a friendship has fizzled out it’s one less person in my life.

I have no one I could ask for help in an emergency. I would love to have someone I could just ask to meet up for a coffee or something. I’m very independent because I have to be, but it’s fucking exhausting at times.

Ah that's interesting, are you quite cuddly with your family? I am not especially with mine - though a bit! I used to be more physical with friends, slinging an arm around their shoulders while we were walking etc, but am less so now. I think it might have to do with being less confident in general now cos the biggest thing holding me back is fear of rejection I guess. (I don't think about this all the time btw, enough it may sound like it haha! Just something I've reflected on recently).

I feel like there is something uniquely comforting about touch from women/friends too, which is why maybe partner does not fulfill all physical comfort needs? I feel like as humans we are soft animals that like to lean against each other etc but we act like our brains/talking is the most important thing about us and way we connect with each other. Does that make sense? Thank you - wishing you cuddles too!!

I also only have a brother. I have no sisters. I definitely feel the loss of having a sister through life. I feel its made me more lonely.

My mother had three sisters. And they all helped each other through every life stage.

My brother has never helped me.

I wish I had a sister!

I'm in this exact situation. I'm still a bit shell-shocked as to how I ended up like this. It's scary.

My friend joined a choir this month. Think you have to put yourself out there too. I have few friends thats it. People are oh we must meet but never follow it up so I dont bother now. Pets good my dog gets me out.

I don't know a safe way to start a whatsapp group, but someone mentioned an app called kik that's anonymous?

And to those posters who suggest putting yourself our there. Of course! But that's not always a solution. From this thread I can see there are different types of loneliness and different life stages that require different things.

Some have a partner but miss friendships with peers. I miss having an emotionally close person (partner, mum or sister), but I do have options to socialize by arrangement and I do. Whatever the need, it's not always just easily solvable by joining some group.

I wouldn’t want to use a random app. WhatsApp seems safe enough- you can always block/ mute/ leave if needed? I’d be willing to DM my number for a group if anyone else is?
completely agree that there’s more to it than “putting yourself out there”- not everyone wants the same thing, and I find the majority of people have those close relationships and just aren’t open to/ don’t have time for more. Plus it puts you in a really vulnerable position and that doesn’t feel good.