To feel lonely as f***

[Cincin22]

I'm just fed up being so lonely. I'm not alone physically, but i have NO ONE, literally no one to call and share my good or bad news with. No one.
I've been through a tough time professionally in the past few weeks, as well as my car breaking, being ill, and there is absolutely no one who i can call and talk with as these things happen! I'm so tired of coping alone!

I'm a nice person. I divorced my primary-aged kids dad last year due to emotional, verbal and financial abuse. It took me a long time to leave because i practically had and have no emotional support. Since leaving, my life has improved a lot in many ways and i dont regret it. My ex hates me for leaving. He goes around talking rubbish about me to everyone who cares to listen. I'm Ok with that.

I have no mum (she died 10 years ago), my dad is a secret (in his own mind) alcoholic who puts the phone down on my calls if he's drunk. When he's not, he hates chatting. My brothers are distant and career/image oriented. They only do formal conversations. Meet-ups always arranged in advance. Never spontaneous. I have no best friend. I have a few good friends for meet-ups and get-togethers, but no spontaneous calls for sharing news. I appreciate my neigbours. Friendly and helpful, but again, not close.

Is this normal? Does everyone else have someone to call if something good happens to them? Or if something bad happens to them?

I'm lonely too and I WFH most days so sometimes spend the whole week on my own. I was in a relationship and put all my eggs in that basket and now I find myself pretty isolated.

Sorry you feel lonely too. I know what that feels like, to put all your eggs in one basket. I did this is my marriage. Stupid thing is I didn't realise that doing made me even more isolated even when the marriage was good.

Don't be too hard on yourself though, I think it's quite common to do this in a relationship. Do you have friends you can reconnect with? Colleagues who might want to grab a coffee?

Probably a lot of people feel the same as you but no one notices.
I am also desperately lonely. Different life circumstances to you, but same end result.
I had to go to hospital recently and they asked if there was anyone I could call to help me home, and there wasn't. It was a real low point in life.
I know lots of people, but no one I can consider a friend in the real sense.

That sounds tough OP and yeh I totally see what you mean. And its a feeling that you don't have to rationalise. We are all so alone so much of the time nowadays compared to before. And move around more so don't have time to build those really deep comfy family-like bonds. Its hard. I have been feeling the same but about touch. I wish I could get physical comfort from friends as well as partner. Just cuddling on sofa or walking with arms linked (im too awkward for spooning like some of my friends haha) or giving a head massage etc. Never do this! Wobder if people did this more before.

I felt like you a few years ago OP. I had some good (ish) friends but they were more the type of friend I see every now & again for a catch up dinner / day out and aren’t the WhatsApp / regular chatting types.

In 2020 I joined a hobby group and now have made 2 local friends who I regularly exchange voice-notes with, we chat about our day to day life. Can share news / worries etc.

There are different types of friends but I definitely needed these friends I chat with regularly.

I am in my 40s and had given up hope of making new friends when I met them

Good luck

Im the same lonely no one to chat with or anything i do have a sister but so far away although shes not. Anyone in suffolk that needs a friend to pest let me know.😁
As someone said above we need a group that we can just talk to each other when we like.

Just so I understand: are you saying you have a partner who gives you physical comfort but you would also like physical comfort from friends, or that you don’t have a partner and you wish it was more of a social norm for people to have physical comfort from friends?

I’m so sorry you feeling like this. You are not alone! I also feel like this a lot of the time. Yes I have a few friends I can meet up with every so often but feels superficial as I never really tell them what’s in my mind etc. it’s very superficial conversations

You are absolutely not alone feeling like this. I think you can feel very isolated, even with a partner and family / friends. I have wonderful, long standing friendships, but your post has made me wonder if I'd call a particular one to tell them everything important that happened... I don't think so - I think I'd discuss different things with different people.

Just to say I regularly feel the same, ironically although we all feel lonely we aren't alone and it's such a widespread thing. I don't have any answers I'm afraid other than to keep putting yourself out there and trying to make new connections. It's very hard though.

I'm in the same boat and it sucks.
Little to no contact with toxic family. A couple of friends who are increasingly distant. One friend who off loads all her stuff when I see her but doesn't want to hear any of mine.
I'm so lucky I've got my child but it would be nice to share things (good and bad) with an adult I feel close to.
I don't make friends easily and have social anxiety (probably ND) so it's really hard to make new connections.
Life can be very lonely.

Honestly OP some people can just be very disappointing and even harmful when one scratches the surface and can just be out for themselves. At times one is actually ''lucky'' to be in ones own. Anyway not many want to be shoulders to cry on - not that you say you want that!

I think it's a lot more common than people think. Should make a WhatsApp group for people in a similar situation just so we have someone to rant at or talk to or share news with when we need it!

I'll be your friend, you sound bloody great tbh and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.

I hear you OP and love the withnail username btw!
I have no-one to tell my day to day life to and listen to theirs. I had a few good friends and a partner a few years ago, partner has mh problems so cannot cope with anything exept his own problems and we recently separated. Lost all the other closeness I had in life through a mix unfortunate family issues with my siblings and friends moving away or changing. My oldest friend became completely obsessed with conspiracy theories over lockdown and has cut herself off from all friends and family, shes like a different person, very sad.
I love to feel connected and human and share with others and lie awake reliving the heydays of having friends and a support network, I have tried so hard to forge some new connections but nothing has become of it so far.

Yup same here. Well I have one friend, he is a bit of a twat, but we have been friends for quite awhile now and at least he is consistent.

I went to a party recently where they were celebrating their daughter, how proud of her they were - she's a musician. It was lovely, but it made me very aware I have never had anyone on my side like that, who would just support me whatever. My parents both died young, but even when they were alive - I could never assume my mother would have my back or be proud of me. I think life must be very different for people who just have that automatic support.

@EBearhug This!! I never had a hen party, or a baby shower (i know its american, but it was definitely a thing around me, i went to a few). Im doing everything i can do be this support for my dc though.

Its sad to hear there are so many of us!

Yes! No baby shower and so on. I had a baby last September and I realised I had no friend to tell when I went into labour or to text from the hospital how it was going, announce her birth as the people I do know wernt really interested. I texted an old collegue in the end who has children juat for someone to talk to about it, she was out for the evening so juat texted congratulations the next day

We could all download kik or whatever it is, that allows you to keep your phone number and details private. I don't know if there are other apps now.

Yes this I rubbish. I always go to s lot of effort to organise nice things or buy then nice gifts, but no one besides my dh ever makes the same effort back for me. This is partly why I've taken a step back from people.

No hen or anything for me either, we paid for a meal for everyone the night before the wedding instead.

I appreciate everyone who has offered to be my friend ❤️ You are special people.
I don't live in the uk anymore. I moved back to my native country a few years ago. I dont know about Kik.. i must go and google it 😄

I’m really struggling right now with this. I just broken down trying to tell husband how I’m feeling about some things going on with my life and he walked away huffing and puffing under his breath. I really have no one in my life to share anything with, I feel so alone

I'm in the same boat @Cincin22

It's got worse in the last couple of years, as a couple of friendships have drifted. My 'D'H and I are as good as separated, albeit we still share a house, but I have no-one to call for support or share good news with. I have a few friends who I see maybe once every couple of years, but they're not close enough (physically or emotionally) that I could call them. I saw them back at the start of the year, then messaged the (very quiet) group chat to say how nice it was to see them, etc., and no-one even acknowledged the message!

I feel so sad that I've got to mid-forties, and don't have anyone to go out for a few drinks with, or a meal, the cinema, anything! And I can't see it changing, either. So no words of advice, but solidarity with everyone in the same boat.

hi op i know how you feel am in the same position and it sucks. as a single parent with no family it hurts to have no one to text with news or about a bad day etc. and most friends have partners or family so you wouldn't be their go to person anyway. i am happy to whatsapp with anyone as it makes a lot of difference to have someone to message at times

I get it OP. I'm very lonely. I have no partner and no kids (no kids is by choice)
I have my mum but her MH isn't great and I spend a lot of time listening to her and managing her emotions. No other family.
All my friends are in relationships and/or have kids. I feel like I've got nobody who puts me first or really cares about me.