To want to continue to go no contact with in-laws?

[donutsforever7]

I have been going no contact with my in-laws for about a year now.

We started of friendly and got on but over time the expectations of what they expected from me and how they spoke to me just made me cut them off after an incident last summer.

MIL would expect me to spend hours of my time helping her and FIL when looking back now it should have been my husband or his brother helping them.

My help was never appreciated and they were not grateful despite my husband telling me otherwise.

When ex sister in law came down to visit after 25 years of her not speaking to them they took her out and spent £500 on dinner and drinks.
I never even got a thank you or a box of chocolates for all the hours spent helping them.

Even on there birthday I would get them some such nice presents but on my last birthday they gave me nothing and FIL had the cheek to complain about me not sending him a Father's Day gift/card.

MIL was also very interfering from going through our bins, ripping out my plants in the garden to demanding I have the flu and Covid vaccine, she really made my life so difficult.
The list is endless.

It finally all came to a head last summer when I had to go and help look after my uncle who had undergone major heart surgery and at one point he was not expected to pull through but thankfully he made a good recovery.

Whilst I was at the hospital my MIL sent me some really aggressive texts demanding to know why I had left her son and how lonely he was.
She knew my uncle was not well.

I finally exploded at her and blocked her and have had no contact with her or FIL since.

FIL had minor surgery to shrink his prostate a few months later and I just ignored pleas from my husband to see him and text him etc.
Why should I show them care and respect after they had no respect for my uncle who was critically ill?

It was only after a few months of no contact that I actually felt a lot better about myself and I regret not cutting them off sooner to be honest.
The constant questioning what I am doing, telling me what to do in my marriage, trying to boss me around had all stopped.

Now my husband is asking me if I would consider meeting in-laws, but I don't think it would serve any purpose.

My husband claims they "didn't realise what they were doing and have changed now".

I feel the damage is done and there is no way I am going back to such negativity.
MIL especially is such a miserable manic depressive.

My husband is desperate for me to talk to them and is making me feel bad for remaining firm.
AIBU?

Say you will consider it if they send you a letter of apology showing they understand what they did and outlining how their behaviour will change going forwards...

This is from Reddit but I think it deserves to be posted here for you @donutsforever7 and more importantly for your DH (a boat steadier) to read (if you decide to print it out and leave it for him or ask him to read it). Apologies for the length but it's worth it.

Don't rock the boat.
I've been thinking about this phrase a lot lately, about how unfair it is. Because we aren't the ones rocking the boat. It's the crazy lady jumping up and down and running side to side. Not the one sitting in the corner quietly not giving a fuck.
At some point in her youth, Mum/MIL gave the boat a little nudge. And look how everyone jumped to steady the boat! So she does it again, and again. Soon her family is in the habit of swaying to counteract the crazy. She moves left, they move right, balance is restored (temporarily). Life goes on. People move on to boats of their own.
The boat-rocker can't survive in a boat by herself. She's never had to face the consequences of her rocking. She'll tip over. So she finds an enabler: someone so proud of his boat-steadying skills that he secretly (or not so secretly) lives for the rocking.
The boat-rocker escalates. The boat-steadier can't manage alone, but can't let the boat tip. After all, he's the best boat-steadier ever, and that can't be true if his boat capsizes, so therefore his boat can't capsize. How can they fix the situation?
Ballast!
And the next generation of boat-steadiers is born.
A born boat-steadier doesn't know what solid ground feels like. He's so used to the constant swaying that anything else feels wrong and he'll fall over. There's a good chance the boat-rocker never taught him to swim either. He'll jump at the slightest twitch like his life depends on it, because it did .
When you're in their boat, you're expected to help steady it. When you decline, the other boat-steadiers get resentful. Look at you, just sitting there while they do all the work! They don't see that you aren't the one making the boat rock. They might not even see the life rafts available for them to get out. All they know is that the boat can't be allowed to tip, and you're not helping.
Now you and your DH get a boat of your own. With him not there, the balance of the boat changes. The remaining boat-steadiers have to work even harder.
While a rocking boat is most concerning to those inside, it does cause ripples. The nearby boats start to worry. They're getting splashed! Somebody do something!
So the flying monkeys are dispatched. Can't you and DH see how much better it is for everyone (else) if you just get back on the boat and keep it steady? It would make their lives so much easier.
You know what would be easier? If they all just chucked the bitch overboard.

If they have truly changed then they will understand why you don't want to see them and will respect it. Until they do how can you even consider seeing them?