I thought dh would be better by now - testosterone replacement therapy

[WaffleDogg20]

Honestly at breaking point.

DH been on TRT since beginning of February. Before that we hadn’t had any intimacy in 2 years. His choice.
We have had it twice since then, the first time i had to instigate it and I felt like I was taking his virginity. I ffelt gross and felt like he didn’t really want to do it. Second time he woke up Horny.

His last blood test 2 weeks ago showed he’s at 22 whatever that means, he originally was 6.

The amount of times iv been turned down int he past is ridiculous but I genuinely thought things would be better by now. Kids are at school so we went to have a nap, tried it on numerous times to be pushed away and told he has a “mental block” so I have came downstairs. I have literally no one to talk to about this lol.

I don’t know what to do, I feel so unattractive and unwanted. There is absolutely no point telling him how I feel because I have been expressing it for 3 years and he has autism so struggles to see how I feel.

I thought he’d be back to how he was before 😞

Whose idea was it for him to get TRT ?

Such an ignorant statement. It's akin to asking why do women bother having have HRT? Testosterone is about more than sex.

It helps:
maintain bone density
Fat distribution
Maintains muscle mass and strength
Assists in the production of red blood cells

Next time somebody says there is no double standard on Mumsnet, I'll show them this thread.

Tried it on numerous timed to be pushed away.

• *I wonder what the Mumsnet reaction would be if a man posted this?

@Hateam I'm pretty sure the last time someone was talking about double standards on here they were accused of being a 'dickpandeer' 😂

Mumsnet is wild thats for sure.

The OPs original post implied that the TRT was primarily about improving their sex life. If he isn't interested in having a sexual relationship with his wife, and isn't bothered that the lack of intimacy and affection is making her unhappy, this doesn't sound like a great relationship.

Maybe he should just go and improve his bone density and red blood cells on his own.

Also the bit where they had sex and OP could tell he wasn't into it.

Honestly OP, I can totally sympathise with how frustrated and rejected you must feel but it seems to have blinded you to any thoughts of how he will be feeling. It's a lot of pressure.

If his issue is he doesn’t want sex because he just doesn’t want to anymore then all the testosterone in the world isn’t going to fix that. It sounds more of a mental / emotional issue than a hormonal one.

What...?

But she was pestering! She said 'tried it on numerous times to be pushed away'. That's the literal definition of pestering.

He was extremely depressed and so I took him to the doctors because he wouldn’t go, the female doctor requested bloods and it came back extremely low.

luckily since being on trt he is so much more happier

OP does sound a bit pestering to me. Read what she wrote with the sexes reversed:
”I was literally laid next to her stroking her leg and cuddling her, nothing sexual what so ever. We were talking about sex but I didn’t jump on her.”

If my DH were cuddling and stroking my leg while talking to me about sex, I would interpret that as him wanting sex now, not only wanting to talk sex.

I agree with the 2nd post by Mummy2024 that you are going too fast and putting too much pressure on him. Only have sex when you are both “horny” as you said. Give it a year or two and then decide if his sex drive is so low it is a deal breaker. I think therapy would benefit you as well as mismatched sex drives are super common and should not be taken as a personal rejection of you as ugly and unattractive.

@Anotherparkingthread

The replies would be very different if a man wrote this. Your attitude stinks. You're dogging him for sex, which is really unattractive, clearly looked down on his last performance and have come online to complain to strangers and share details where you describe it as 'like taking his virginity' and he's tried to explain he has a mental block and you have huffed off downstairs. I wouldn't want to shag you either.

This was pretty much what I was thinking. Nobody has a right to sex, the default answer is NO. A man complaining about a woman like this would rightly be shredded on this forum, not be getting advice that she's the one who needs therapy. Yes, loss of intimacy is painful. No, it isn't something anyone has a right to badger someone for.

I agree with this.

Maybe he is depressed, antidepressants might help?

Antidepressants almost always reduce sex drive. Sorry, but often people have to trade not feeling suicidal for less sex.

I would stop trying to initiate it, see if he comes to you. If he doesn’t then I’m afraid you’ll either have to accept a life with no sex or move on.

Because you said you've had it twice since then and he was uncomfortable, so when you touched his leg, he felt you had expectations... tell him you don't

I had no idea low testosterone could do this... thanks for the info OP

It sounds like the testosterone has sorted out the chemical imbalance, so his lack of sex drive seems to be psychological. Has he said that he would like to get this part of your relationship sorted out or is he happy not having sex ?

Yes I think he really wants to. He’s back to his hilarious self where we make jokes about sex and flirt etc which for years we couldn’t. I just think it’s a mental block that’s stopping him and it’s been so long it’s now awkward at who makes the first move.

Sorry you are going though this.

Please try Tadalafil from Numan (on line). It's an absolute game changer. It works a bit like viagra, but he would take it every day rather than before sex. It eradicates ED, and in our experience, knowing that the "equipment" won't fail, takes away any performance anxiety, thus leading to more sex. It also increases sex drive as well. It takes a few months to work, but it's SO worth the wait.

https://www.numan.com/lps/gbr/erectile-dysfunction/edproduct-60tadaily

I see on the website it takes 3-5 days to work. Definitely took longer for DH, but worth the wait. He had a lot of anxiety about performance, he now has none, which means he's up for sex most of the time. I had no idea how worried he was about losing his erection, and that had been the main cause of our problems, because he didn't tell me!!

So now the OP has updated and it turns out the doctors put him on it for health reasons, not for nookie.

The husband has autism so doesn't understand feelings. It's hardly his fault he has a neurological disorder that makes processing and recognising emotions hard.

I hope every time your partner wants intimacy you provide it in case it makes him unhappy or did you go off and work on things on your own? Your logic is flawed...