He handed me something to clean. Am I being too sensitive?

[kissthefish]

I work in Education, in a (sort of) unit in a secondary school. For a while, I've been feeling a bit demotivated and undervalued at work. I'm the least senior in a small, close knit team of three. There's the leader of the unit (male), and my female colleague and I. The kids are great and I have a fantastic rapport with them.
I get on extremely well with my colleagues, the female in particular. However a couple of low level things have bothered me about the male, the head of the unit. He is such a lovely guy but there's occasionally a subtle sexism to him. He'd be mortified to see I thought that. And I can't figure out if I'm being unreasonable.
He'll never wash up the kids' dishes. Not once. Unfortunately we can't ask the kids to do it, as we don't have a sink and must take the dishes to another room - where the they aren't allowed to go - to be washed. I know he's busy but it does smack of 'leaving it to the women'.
Today, I made hot chocolate for one of our boys. He added extra milk and the cup overflowed a bit. In the absence of a sink, the lad (very sensibly!) emptied some of the drink into a plastic basin.
This befuddled my boss a bit, and he walked over to me with the basin and said 'kissthefish, would you mind taking this and cleaning it out'. He also asked me to take the boy, until I reminded him that I couldn't.

I don't know. It just made me feel a bit shit. It would have taken him two seconds to go to the kitchen and do it himself.

I've also observed some slight differences in how he treats the boys and girls in our unit. He's much more likely to get involved with the boys, to take them out for a walk or play a game with them. To be fair, they can be more challenging. The quieter girls, he'll leave more to my female colleague and I.

Am I being ridiculous or was the basin thing not ok?

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell him to do it.

Well I was slightly taken aback, to be fair.

I wouldn’t generally expect the supervisor - male or female - to leave the main work area to do a menial task when more junior staff - male or female - could do it instead.

The basin thing was not ok!
I can't see my partner doing anything like that at work or at home.

What stopped him doing it himself?

Interesting. I'd have thought there was more of a mucking in culture today.
He often leaves the unit for other work related reasons. My female colleague and I are used to heading it up in his absence. So it wasn't imperative for him to be there.

He's a deeply intelligent man. But I honestly think he didn't know what to do in that situation!

My thoughts too. Him working more with the boys could be him taking on the tougher work which you'd expect from the more senior person.

Ok, so mixed views so far. Fair enough, absolutely. But I'd have thought that on Mumsnet of all places, this wouldn't be considered an ideal message to give to young boys.

So deeply intelligent he doesn’t know how to take a cup or whatever out to the sink … 🤔

Maybe not always practically minded.

I think what he did any senior member of a team has a right to do. I understand "mucking in" but he also has to supervise the full class,maybe he had clocked something else happening / potential to happen ans felt he should stay

We never have a full class. We work with them in a different capacity than teaching. We only ever have a few young people at a time.

He's the boss. I wouldn't expect him to muck in like that.

It sounds like the boys are more challenging? Isn't that good he helps with them?

Ask if you share the load with the menial dishes task and change around who is teamed with who.
Seniority or not variety and balance in your job is always good.

If everyone was the same level of seniority you would have a point but the fact he is the most senior makes it less clear if this is sexist behaviour from him or not.

I don't think it's clear either way.

As I got more senior in my work, I had to learn to stop doing the equivalent of doing the kids' dishes. I had to be clear about what my role was.

Him spending more time with the boys could be a good thing, for several reasons. Easier for him, easier for you, easier to engage the boys.

I think your point about role modelling is good, though.

He's your senior, he's asking you to perform a task, that's what bosses do.

You say you are least senior....do you have different job descriptions?

In fairness the basin was made a mess by your student on your watch so probably not the best example

I don't think his seniority or how tasks should be divided has a relevance in the basin scenario.

For me It's the fact that simple, 10 second task had to be delegated to OP. It cost nothing and OP wouldn't feel humiliated.
Emotionally intelligent person should recognise that.

He might be the leader of the unit but OP is not his handmaid.

I think this is super sensitive of you and maybe a poor example of what you’re trying to describe but genuinely if this is it then wow! No. Not an issue. I see it more as your mess. You sort it. You are the supervising teacher that made the drink. You deal with any mess. He’s the leader of the unit if he chooses to delegate the washing up then fair enough. If he was similar rank to you then not ok. But he’s not. Taking the boys is probably sensible and more challenging than the quieter girls. You’re being very unreasonable.

Beside it was him who made the mess! He added too much milk and the cup overflowed. Delegating it to you OP to clean up the mess he caused was a bit humiliating.

That doesn't sound sexist to me, it sounds like he is the boss

I think it sounds like maybe if it surprises you that your boss asks you to do something, maybe you are not aware enough of the difference between you, maybe he is too friendly in general, maybe the opposite of sexist.

He is more senior and his time is more expensive than yours so it makes sense to give more menial tasks to lowest grade person.