Did I over react

[Angie657]

Hello wonderful mumsnetters☺️

So bit of a back story, I’m a single mummy, been single maybe 3+ years. After my break up with my child’s father I really just threw myself into work and making a career for myself, I left my home with my ex with nothing, I just needed out. I bought a home for me and my son, it’s not the Ritz, but it’s my own, I bought a little run around and done wee things to the house to make it abit more homely. I haven’t really dated or anything this last few years, I know myself I lack confidence and I have this awful mentality that no one will want me because of my situation, so I just go to work, see my friends and keep myself to myself.

I am getting to the stage where I would like to have someone to spend time with when my child is with their father. Recently a man I had known for a few years, through being out and about and more recently through work, had contacted me and said he would like to maybe take me out. Unexpected, but I was delighted, he is good looking, we have similar interests and he is lovely. I expressed my concerns about my child etc and he told me I was being silly, so I felt like I was really onto something and started to feel a little excited that maybe he would want to take me on a date.

So we begin messaging every day, chatting etc, just the usual, I’m a busy mummy, and I’m also very laid back, but he had asked me what days and times I was available, so again I was getting all excited. Wee keep in touch and he has a few weekends away booked for family things, weekends with the boys, they come and go and he still hasn’t asked to see me. One thing about me is, I over think everything, and if I’ve had a busy week or haven’t had much sleep, my wee head is in overdrive and he had been messaging me one Friday evening and asking had I any plans etc, I said no nothing planned, he said maybe we could catch up. That was Friday night, I never heard from him since. So I took complete head staggers and just deleted him off social media, everything. I know I’m a compete drama queen, but I feel like I was wasting my energy messaging this man when he seemed to be taking the piss in my eyes.

He has sent me a text message tonight asking has he done something, obviously he’s noticed that I’ve removed him from social media. So my question is AIBU for doing this, I know it’s silly, but like I said, I over think and I just took head staggers. I deep down liked this boy and I felt like he was taking the piss. And also do I reply, and what do I say?

Tell him you're cutting down your social media contacts/ use for a while. Then ask him if he was serious about taking you out or not because if yes then he needs to sort something out, and if not then you'd appreciate it if he let you know so you can rule him out.

@ChilliloungerNicely put

he had been messaging me one Friday evening and asking had I any plans etc, I said no nothing planned, he said maybe we could catch up. That was Friday night, I never heard from him since.

That was your chance to say "Yes, when are you free and where shall we go".

From what you've said it sounds as though you're leaving everything up to him, so maybe he thinks you're just not that interested?

Im confused, he asked if you had plans on Friday, you said no, he said let’s go for a catch up and you didn’t reply?

is that right?

if so then surely you are holding back!

I think to him, you're giving him mixed signals, and sadly, you're feeling the same. You're not being assertive and neither is he. At this rate, you'll be doing this dance in the care home.

Thank you @Chillilounger maybe I will say something along them lines. I’m sorry I’m just not very good at this kind of thing and I honestly didn’t think he would notice and he’d just forget about me. Makes me think maybe he is interested, but then on the other hand he’s had plenty of opportunities to ask to see me.

@TwattyMcFuckFace
I suppose it maybe does seem that way, but I told him I was interested, and different times wee have been messaging and I’ll ask him what his plans are for the day, in my head that’s me dropping a hint, and then he would either reply a few hours later or he’d post on social media that he’s out with his friends at the pub. Maybe he’s just as laid back as I am🤦🏽‍♀️

@Quitelikeit
Sorry I think I maybe haven’t explained this properly, in this instance said I had no plans and then I dropped a hint about maybe going for ice cream or something and he replied something along the lines of yeah we could do that, I then replied sure let me know what time or if it suits and he didn’t reply.

@Aquamarine1029
See I think I’ve made my interest in him quite clear, I’ve told him I’d like to see him, I’ve told him when I’m free and I’ll always ask if he has plans for the weekend, he’ll then ask the same and I’ll tell him when I’m free, and try to drop wee hints, but then he’ll either not reply or when he does he’s at the pub.

Yep overreaction

He literally asked you if you would like to catch up and you didn't reply?

Why would he text again when you didn't respond. Looks like you have no interest.

Polite response would have been - yes I love to catch up, how about we meet at x at x time

If that's the case, forget him. He's hard work and really annoying.

@Hankunamatata

sorry I’ve not communicated this instance properly in my original post. I did reply, he didn’t.

Why all the weird hint dropping. Ask him if he would like to meet on x day at x time to do some date activity you would both e enjoy. Its not Bridgeton

Wose he says no and u know where you stand

Yes, think hint thing does not work nor this leave it to the to other person I wuld pick something I wanted to do and say 'I am going to X I will be there from 7pm if you would like to join me' or whatever

@Hankunamatata
I suppose I’m just a little old school, I’ve made it clear I’m interested, I’ve told him the days I’m free, right to the very times I am available on these days. I’m just new to this, I’m not used to these situations and not sure how to handle them.

Yes, just make a date. Stop hinting. And next time someone says they’d like to ask you out, don’t ’express your concerns about your child’ — just say yes, if you want to.

(I have never heard the expression ‘head staggers’ — I’m not entirely sure what it means, but it’s great…)

I’m very like you @Angie657 and tend to invest a lot of headspace on date potentials. I think when you’re a working single parent, you’ve no time to just casually date lots of people or hang out because you’ve less free time and have to plan ahead. So texts become loaded with meaning. I think @Chillilounger phrased it really well. Nothing to lose by sending that text. Good luck!

It honestly sounds like he isn't that interested. I think he likes you and probably even fancies you, but it really doesn't sound like he is ready to date even though he probably likes the idea.
Just say you're keeping SM to close friends and family.
Then do the slow fade.
If you're interested in meeting someone, join a dating site or get friends to set you up.

@HappyAutumnFields
I’m just not a very forward person when it comes to things like dating, probably because I have never dated, and I really don’t have a lot of confidence.

Haha it must be an NI thing. It’s like take a mad notion is probably the best way to explain it.

@SleepPrettyDarling

Yes that’s exactly it, you’ve explained it perfectly. I just don’t have the time nor do I want to casually date lots of men. Thank you❤️

But it’s not ‘forward’ to say yes when someone asks you out. Dating as a parent is also pretty normal. If you don’t value yourself, then why would anyone else?

(We Munster types are clearly far more direct..)

@TheMixedGirl

That’s what I was thinking, surely if he was interested then he would make his move. I have to give it to him that he did contact me and told me he was interested, but that’s about as far as it went. My Granny always used to tell me if a man wanted to he would.

OP honestly I think it’s a really weird reaction to block/remove someone that you say you know and is ‘lovely’ rather than just ask them straight up? You say you’re old school and not a forward person but removing off social media after just speaking with someone is quite a modern ‘statement’.

If I was him I would not want to deal with this removing/blocking, it screams childish. I think you need to get a handle on what you want and what you’re looking for. It’s highly unlikely that the perfect relationship is going to knock on your front door, you are probably going to have to do a little dating around and you need a solid head on your shoulders for that.

@HappyAutumnFields

But I did say yes😩 but I know what you mean, you’ve got a point there.

@loropianalover

I completely get what you are saying, but it was just a moment of head staggers as I said before. I think the reason I done it was because the last I heard from him was we would catch up at the weekend, as he had said he was free and I was free, then he posted on social media at the pub and I was just like is this lad taking the mick or what. He’s been messaging me for weeks, and I just wanted him to be a man of his word I guess.