Normal?

[Summersummersun]

9 year old boy, had to come on a very quick errand dropping something to a friend this evening. 10 minutes maximum spent in the house, and half of that at least spent pulling on my coat/spinning himself round me and humming loudly. So distracting. He also said a couple of times “let’s just go now”. So rude!

He didn’t used to behave like this when he was a toddler. I asked him what on earth he was playing at and he said he was bored. He doesn’t do this in school (said he’s never been bored at school!).

I'm confused, are you annoyed at your 9 year old for being excited? Hyper even?
Was he excited to go out with you, run errands as most children are?

Comes across like you're expecting him to be perfectly behaved, calm and quiet instead of a normal 9 year old. Also a huge difference between a toddler and a 9 year old so you can't really compare the two

He's been in school all day

He's been taken to someone else's house where there isn't anything for him to do

He's said he's bored

I think it sounds like pretty normal behaviour for a child of that age in the circumstances you've described . . . .

Sounds like bog standard 9 year old behaviour in the circumstances…..

Yup sounds like a 9 year old

I wouldn’t worry today much about it. Kids usually are rude. They haven’t yet learned nuance or to think of themselves as anything but the centre of the universe, because that’s how the people around them treat them. Just keep on being firm and highlighting the bad manners: “I’m speaking. Please don’t interrupt.” “We’re here until I say so. You’ll need to find something to entertain yourself with or just be bored for a bit, I’m afraid.” He isn’t alone, so I doubt it’s anything to do with your individual parenting. He’ll grow out of being a little cunt, most of them seem to eventually.

I don’t think I’ve been clear - “in the house” referring to my friend’s house, not ours. So rudely saying he wanted to leave and being a pain there, rather than at our house saying he wanted to go on the errand.

I appreciate it’s boring but it’s 5-10 minutes of his life and I gave him the option of waiting in the car, which would’ve been very safe on the driveway.

😂

I am questioning whether I haven’t exposed him to boredom enough! At restaurants I go armed with drawing and reading, and chat to him.

He’s my eldest, I thought a 9 year old would be more capable of standing or sitting quietly for 5 minutes than a toddler, to be honest.

Self control is a finite resource for dc and they use it up.

He's been good at school, he's tired, and hanging round with nothing to do while your dm chats is incredibly boring.

I'd have either not hung round, or brought him something to do.

I think at 9 most children should be able to stand nicely in someone’s house for 10 mins and not say rude things. Mine are 10 and 8 and I’d be mortified if they behaved like that at someone’s house. I’d have sent them out to stand in the garden.

I missed in your OP that he said he was bored, so I apologise for that, I assumed he was excited to run errands with you and was hurrying you up.

However you're still massively unreasonable, he's 9, he's bored, that behaviour is to be expected, no matter how short the time is. Don't punish him or ask him "what he's playing at" for being a normal bored child.

did you tell him to stand quietly? Did he disobey you? are you going to give him consequences for that?

My feeling is a 9yr old should be able to show respect to the adults by waiting nicely/patiently for 10 minutes,100%. Basic etiquette around adults, and not that hard at age 9. Quite surprised others wouldn't expect this.

It does sound more like what you would expect from a 5 year old not a 9 year old. Was he trying to ‘show off’ maybe?

It might be normal for 9 year olds to be bored and WANT to behave this way. Whether you should allow them to is entirely up to you. Personally, I wouldn't, as I agree it's rude and think 9 is old enough to learn not to be rude. I'd tell him that his behaviour wasn't acceptable, and what the consequences would be if it was repeated.

He had a big telling off in the car, I told him he had behaved rudely, his behaviour had embarrassed me. He was sheepish, but the only reason he could give me was that he was bored. I have threatened to embarrass him in front of all his friends at school drop off! He seemed mortified at the thought…!

I think he really was just bored but I don’t know why he couldn’t just stand or sit there. It wasn’t half an hour, it really was 5-10 minutes.

@sheoaouhra no I suppose I didn’t specify, but I gave him the option of waiting in the car.

I'd have done the same OP.

Hmm honestly I would be ashamed of my 5 year old did this (which he would, I'm not saying my kids aren't idiots too haha) but I actually agree, at 9 he shouldn't be acting like this. Very rude indeed

Thanks all. Funny how some think it’s acceptable (sort of) and some not!

Sorry this isn’t personal to you but I really hate it on here when posters say they wouldn’t “allow…”. How would you have disallowed it? I wasn’t going to stop having an adult conversation with my friend so I ignored his ridiculous behaviour and didn’t give it attention.

Sorry, i get that the phrasing suggests you actively permitted it. That wasnt my intention. Perhaps it would be better to say ' not accept', ie decide it was normal, not address it, not expect change, because its reasonable for a bored 9 year old. I mean exactly what you did. Do your best in the moment, and if that fails make it perfectly clear afterwards that it wasn't acceptable. Dependent on the behaviour perhaps reinforcing with a sanction. Although as a first time at this level, I'd probably not go that far.

He probably had just reached his limit, school day of being quite etc. As adults we all have limits of being "on" he simply is still learning his.

Did you take a moment and and ask him to stop, accompanied by "the look" 🤣

I wouldn't threaten to humiliate a child in front of his peers. By all means withhold a treat or access to screen etc, but why would a parent use humiliation as a discipline tool?

We all have off days he just had one of his.

I don't know of any 9 year olds that would've been allowed to behave like that without a telling off. My GDS is 6 and it wouldn't be acceptable .

In fact when DD2 tried it at my Mums house with the " bored" and " can we go now" she was sent to sit at the bottom of the staircase for rudeness. After having to do that twice she soon learned a few manners. She was 5 or 6 at the time ( and a stickler for good manners in her own child)