To ask for some real honest advice

[Nomorellama]

work related.

i hate my job. Reason being is my manager is impossible. Manager is the an odd combination of incredibly aloof and micromanaging. Ie will ask you to do something and then tear it to shreds but if you ask for a steer to my more in line with their expectations you’re dismissed as do what you want.

the ask constantly changes, to the extent it’s like living on the twilight zone. I’ll be told my ideas were stupid only 10 days later to do exactly as I suggested but after much time wasted doing something else. My confidence is shot and I find myself panicking and crying.

here’s the thing, I’ve only been here 5 months. I was made redundant 6 months into my prior role and then left my role before after 1 year (left as was offered a huge pay rise).

if I start the job hunt now will I look a) like I can’t hold done a job and b) like a job hopper?

really worried about this, but I’m so miserable

If you’re not happy leave. Life’s too short. You can explain it away, just say the new job seemed very interesting and company’s values align better with yours or something if they ever ask.

You have reasons for leaving the roles so I would look especially given your manager - that will get worse and have a huge effect on your mental health

Don't wait until you are so burned out and sick of the place that you can't get the motivation to actually leave. It's been 6 months, think of it as an extended probationary period (which is for both sides to decide if the job/person fits).

Go. Go and find something better.

I definitely need to as it’s got to the stage I’m too afraid to ask a question out of fear of being called stupid. There isn’t a culture of self service so you’re reliant on other people to do anything which adds huge joins in processes and I’m not a jnr member of staff but I’m such a way where my manager rewrites emails for me, redoes things I’ve done and I’m left thinking I literally cannot do anything. I’ve never ever had this before and I’ve been in some 60k+ jobs

As a hiring manager it’s pretty typical to see someone interviewing in their first year in a position. It’s very easily explained as ‘not a good fit’ during that timeframe (especially after a redundancy). If you have an otherwise good tenure at previous positions, it won’t be a problem.

Start applying for new jobs. If new companies are worried about that then they won’t hire you and you’ve lost a little bit of your time. If they’re not then you get out of the hell hole.

You know what, I was in your position and stuck it out and things only got worse. So I’d leave if I were you. I’m currently hunting for a new job. I think if anything staying in this environment has impacted my confidence more than the reputation of “job hopping” would have

Start looking for a new job. For so long I had this idea that you have to be in a role 2 years, but it was so arbitrary! Apply for a job - if they think you are a job hopper, they won't invite you for an interview and you are no worse off than you are now. If they think you are ambitious and career driven then they will invite you for an interview and you may end up a lot better off.
Good luck 🍀

Ah see that’s a weight off as the redundancy and then 1 year in my old role was making me wonder and worry but the truth is my confidence is in the toilet now, even feeling teary writing the thread which objectively is ridiculous

I’m really worried about my capabilities too, I genuinely feel too stupid to write and email or action log now. I’ve cried a lot

If you are worried about it being too short a time frame, you can say you are on a temporary contract for maternity cover.

I thought about that actually, wasn’t sure if I’d get busted or not, but it would make sense after a redundancy wouldn’t it, basically just to go for the first job you’re offered even if it’s temp cover

I wouldn't worry about your CV here. You can state your reasons for leaving both your two previous jobs, and any new employer will understand that sometimes a job just isn't right and that people want to leave. I once started applying for jobs after five or six months and I got the first thing I applied for.

It’s not just that, my general confidence is so low, im actually a bit of a wreck

You need to manage this. You are clearly perfectly capable if you have held down 60k jobs. I have worked for someone like your boss before and I vacillated between cowering and fuming.

Ways to handle it: if they rewrite an email - look at the rewrite. If it is clearer, mire succinct or more in the house style, just learn from it and think of this as helpful. If there's no material difference to the email, consider this egotistical tinkering on their part and don't let it cloud your judgement. If they've actually sabotaged what was clear and made it more wordy or less clear, just revert to your version and send it.

On big projects, put two or three approaches to the project in writing and ask which she prefers. Or ask someone else. If, as you say, people tend to be collaborative at this place, are there experienced people on the team who you can discuss things with regarding house style/what tends to get approval/what tends to get sent back to be redone etc, so you are better prepped before the manager looks it over.

Another tactic I found useful with someone like this, is just to ask for clarity on what you need and utterly ignore any emotional weight given your request by the manager. So if they are irritated, or sneery, or make belittling remarks, just tick them off on your mental batshit boss bingo scorecard and listen out for the factual feedback you need. Respond neutrally at all times as if no attempt had been made to manipulate you.

Didn't mean to assume your boss was a woman in previous message (mine was and I had her in mind when I replied to you.)

I do think these days I might stand up, pleasantly, to this sort of bullshit. So if I did some work and they rubbished it, then I asked for a steer and they said, do as you please, I'd say, 'I did. You have vetoed it so I need a clear steer from you on exactly what you would approve, so no more time is wasted.'

If they say something like, 'I can't do it for you' or 'You should know what you are doing by now,' you can come back with: 'I do know what I am doing but it doesn't meet your specific approval. Unless you share your vision with me we will keep going around in circles.'

On a different project I had a boss who was pissed off I'd been brought in to do the fun part of the project and he kept undermining me, so I built a strong rapport with the team and we presented a tight united front. That works too. Develop other relationships within the company and your team specifically, to keep you on an even keel.

And as PP have said, no shame in looking for work elsewhere.

A friend is on her 3rd job since covid. She had zero issues getting the latest gig.

A lot of companies have chopped and changed staff quite frequently themselves in this period, so I don't think it's currently the CV killer it used to be.

Local Authority?

They actually just talk in circles, so they contradict themselves whilst they are talking and when I’ve said ok so I’m clear, what is it you want? They’ve said oh well I don’t know what to tell you now. We’ve been over and over this but the ask isn’t consistent, it’s wishy washy.

As someone who leaves their toxic job tomorrow, after only 5 months, please do it, I was going in with panic attacks, and it wasn't worth it for mental health, I'm only on minimum wage, most are on a lot more, I was the scapegoat! I can't wait to leave tomorrow!

The longer you leave it in a toxic environment the les capable you are of getting a new job. It sucks your self esteem and drains your confidence. I’m hoping to be in a position to resign tomorrow. Explained about my unprofessional boss breeding a negative working environment in interviews and heads nodded. It was appreciated as an absolutely legitimate reason to leave.

I should have said that I’m sorry you work for my old boss 😉. It can cause a toll on a person to start questioning their ability, not mention sanity.

Start looking now, it may take you awhile to find something.

In the business they have precedent for tearing peoples work to shreds, not knowing what they want, unclear instructions, limited to no context to requirements by way of data or where to get data, and a backward way of working

very limited positive feedback and then the only ideas I’ve had that have been brought forward are the ones the director has overheard and the pushed back on managers initial dismissal of them

Would it be awful to just walk away. My probation review is coming up and I’m genuinely worried I won’t pass but then if I do I’ve got a 3 Month notice period.

my confidence is just in the toilet, my 60k job was the one I was made redundant from. Maybe I’m just a fraud

There’s nothing like a poor employer to drain the confidence from you.

I had 8 months at a local authority like this and I was utterly depressed and broken by the end.

My next interview asked why I was leaving and I asked if I could be candid. I was honestly but professional. Got the job, 50% pay increase and I’ve been there 9 years.

Leave as soon as you are able.