AIBU to keep my son away from my mams cousin.

[BoyMama1409]

Long one so please stay with me. My son was born September 23 and almost instantly my mams cousin (who insists on referring to herself as Auntie when speaking to my son), who hadn’t had anything to do with me for a long time, was constantly on the phone asking about the baby. Any time she was at my mams and I was there she would ask to change his nappy and feed him (I know some might think she’s trying to help a tired mama but my son was on a feeding plan due to loosing too much birth weight so I had to monitor his intake very closely) even when I said no I was fine doing it myself she would wait until I was out of the room and proceed to change him. She once waited until I had popped out from my mams (DS was sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him for the sake of a 10 minute trip to the shop) to then change my sons nappy, his clothes (apparently he’d wet through) and start to feed him. This was after I had already stopped her from changing his nappy before I left. When I got back, the way she spoke was to insinuate that if I’d have let her change DS when she’d wanted to that he wouldn’t have wet through and wouldn’t have needed changing and that when she put other clothes on him she hadn’t put a vest on because “he was hot anyway”. Any time she rings my mam and can hear my son in the background she comments “aw is THE BABY there” and if she is calling over my mams house will then ask “will THE BABY still be there?” “What’s the chances of you still having THE BABY” She never asks about me when she’s on the phone, never acknowledges DS by his name only “THE BABY” and now she doesn’t even acknowledge me when we’re both at my mams. She came to visit a few days ago and came in with some toys for DS (not age appropriate) ignored me and spoke directly to DS “look what I’ve brought for you” and then tried to take him from me, I told her I was just about to change his nappy and she persisted to try and take him from my arms stating. “Aw he can come for a bit”. She has zero respect for me as his mother which has shown by things she has done, including measuring DS’s length for the first time despite hearing me say me and DH were going to do it when he got home from work, and statements like “aw look I’ve bought him his first Xmas outfit” lots of “firsts” she wants to try and take from us.

AIBU to not want someone around my son who clearly has no respect for me or my boundaries ?

I really don’t understand why you’d ask if my mam is thick. If you read my posts you’ll see I’ve said she hasn’t been well recently and as such I haven’t spoken to her about this as she had enough to be dealing with. Not being aware of how upset the situation is making me doesn’t make her out of line, I can’t categorically tell you that if I’d spoken to her about all of this in the beginning then she would have 100% backed me.
The issues being discussed are to do with the distant cousin not my mam so politely keep your opinions about her to yourself.

Possibly not to some but it was important to us as the hospital didn’t do it when he was born. I’m not sure if other hospitals around the country do but I know some of the others in our area do so I was surprised ours didn’t.
Maybe not a “first” as others would see it but it was something important that me and DH wanted to do together, which the cousin was aware of and went ahead and did it before us.

Unless I missed something crucial this stuff is happening in your mother’s place, so it’s either you or your mother allowing this person access to your child?

Still doesn’t explain your need to be so disrespectful to my mam. Everyone else has managed to put their point across/ask questions without such rudeness. Maybe this isn’t the thread for you

I’m not being disrespectful. This person has access to your child via your mother so she is very much part of the problem unless you haven’t told your mother about your concerns. I would not leave my child with someone if I knew that someone I was suspicious of had continued access to her at said place.

FFS @Coshei . The grandmother is UNWELL.

BoyMama visits with baby.

Sometimes annoying cousin visits too.

BoyMama is probably trying to keep her annoyance quiet because her own mother is UNWELL.

Which part don't you understand?

@BoyMama1409

Here's what you say to cousin:

"Merryl, you've had your children. You've had all your 'firsts'. It is now my turn. Please let me take care of my OWN baby."

Failing that, you start saying a blunt: "NO" And stare her right in the face.

Again not reading the posts correctly as if you had you would have seen that I’m mentioned I have not spoken to my mam about this as she’s been very ill.
Not going to continue this back and forth anymore.

@Coshei What a horrible and unnecessary comment

No I don’t understand it. I don’t understand why you haven’t said anything to your mother and let this happen until now, and I also can’t believe that your mother can’t read the room and can’t see that you are bothered by it. Something really isn’t right with this person’s behaviour and it’s a very easy conversation to have with your mother.

Thanks @VestibuleVirgin at least I’m not the only one who thought it unnecessary. Clear hasn’t read other posts properly or else would understand why I haven’t mentioned anything to my mam before now.

AGAIN you haven’t read and understood what EVERYONE ELSE can. My mam has been very ill, that’s why I’ve not spoken to her about it, yes it may be a very easy conversation to have but when she is severely ill why would I want to put more on her?
Clearly you are someone with no compassion and empathy otherwise you’d just leave it alone and understand that your comments/opinions are wanted or valued here. Kindly leave my post alone and just pretend you never read it.
OR if you’re one of those who always feels the need to have the last word/comment go ahead, I’ll let you have it

@TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit thank you, it’s nice to see others understand why I haven’t mentioned anything to my mam before now. You compassion and empathy is appreciated

Ah now she is severely ill. I still don’t see what additional stress this would put on her, but it’s obviously up to you what you end up doing. I’ll never understand why people are so passive when it comes to their children, but not my problem.