To think I shouldn't have been there?

[Sunny678]

I'm a KS1 TA at a primary school and recently my class teacher had an email from some angry parents wanting a meeting. Essentially, I witnessed a serious incident which was instigated by their son and the class teacher reported it to the parents. The parents said their son denied it and they wanted to have a meeting about it. The class teacher was very nervous and asked me and another TA who is a 1:1 in our class to join. The parents are known to be quite intimidating and nasty apparently. Often raising their voices. I'm 21 and this is my first year in a school, I've never had a meeting with parents before so didn't know what to expect. The headteacher was aware I would be in the meeting and didn't attend himself. During the meeting, the parents were incredibly aggressive, rude and shouting over us so nobody could get a word in. The dad was slamming his hands down on the table. I was honestly in shock and the class teacher left the room crying before any of us had the chance to speak, leaving me and the other TA there. As I tried to defend what I'd seen, the parents got increasingly more annoyed and told me I was accusing their son of lying by simply saying that I'd witnessed it and describing the situation. He was getting even more irate and I then put my hand up and had to ask him to stop shouting which made everything even worse and he called me condescending. I then left the room because I was on the verge of tears and I went to get the head teacher. The head teacher later told me that I shouldn't have even defended myself at that point or put my hand up as it made it worse. The parents have now lodged an official complaint to the governors about me saying I'm spreading lies about their child. The head has sent a letter to the parents saying I've been 'reprimanded' and also reminding them about their conduct within school. I've also been given a letter of expectation I believe to appease the parents... The child never got any punishment and it was like nothing ever happened.
Should I have even been there? My mum says I'm too inexperienced to involved with heated parents like that and the SLT should've been involved. Part of me blames myself for even trying to engage with them and making it worse but my mum thinks I'm being used as a scapegoat. Would love to hear your thoughts, I'm really worried this is going to affect my career.

If the parents are renowned for intimidating behaviour then it’s poor form from the head teacher not to have been present in my opinion.

I am also a KS1 ta. At my school this would absolutely have been dealt with by SLT. Our head would have arranged a meeting with the parents if there was concerns raised about my conduct. I also know she would have had my back 100%. I think it was wrong for your class teacher to leave you with the parents. If she was so upset she should have ended the meeting or got someone more senior to deal with it. You do have to grow a thick skin as parents can be awful towards you, but it's not something you should have to deal with alone. It's a tough job, but doing it for SLT who don't support you makes it tougher. Hope you are ok.

I’m surprised on a daily basis we have any teachers left or anyone training to become one. I’m sorry that happened to you OP, I think the head should’ve been involved and I don’t think the head should be ‘appeasing’ the parents in this situation.

What shitty treatment by the teacher and the head. Have you got a union rep? I'd join pronto and be making a complaint about being left to deal with known aggressive parents as your first parent interaction. Also you're a TA you should not have been in the meeting. The head and the teacher should have dealt with it.

The teacher sounds like a right wet blanket. She should have ended the meeting when they started shouting.

I don't see why saying stop shouting was wrong. I think raising your hand was odd and child like.

Personally I'd find a better job. Go get some training to do something with better pay that don't put you in situations where you are shouted at.

Great headteacher you’ve got there…. about as much spine as a jellyfish. He should’ve been in the meeting, particularly given their reputation.

This is really shocking. Are you in a union?

Union.
I'd be appealing that letter pronto.

Your age has nothing to do with this you are an adult and could be the class teacher.

If the parents are known to be aggressive a member of SLT should have been there or the meeting taken place in a meeting room or similar where other staff are around

Join the union.
It's a huge shame when parents can't come to terms with the fact their angel darlings are actually vile and nasty to other kids in the playground

Thanks for your responses. What union should I join? Not sure how it works
Sorry I just said my age to show I'm completely inexperienced. I didn't put my hand up like I was asking a question I more showed him my palm in a 'stop' kinda action. I feel so silly

I’m a headteacher and I would have been sat with the teacher ready to tell them to leave if they became aggressive.

You did nothing wrong, the headteacher should have been sitting in the meeting. Find out what is the best union for TA, not sure if would be the same as teachers, if so, whichever most of staff in your school are in would be a good start.

Your Head sounds utterly useless.

At our school this meeting would have been held by at least 2 members of SLT. They would have spoken to you and/or read your report of the incident in advance. That would have been the end of your involvement in the matter.

As others have already said, speak to the union.

You poor thing. Your age doesn't matter but your lack of experience in the role does - the SLT are definitely remiss leaving you to deal with this and to try to appease the parents is just shocking.
I really feel for you - nothing wrong in putting your hand up to speak it's how it works in professional meetings! Assuming you mean bent arm grown up style rather than stretching for the ceiling crying miss miss!
I think teaching unions should set up some kind of protection force for teachers from intimidating parents with an ultimate line into the police. Bloody awful state of affairs for people who work so hard for our kids.

I’m so sorry that this happened to you - it’s completely unacceptable and you haven’t done anything wrong here. The Head should be taking these meetings if the parents have got form.

Re a union, TAs can join the NEU , the biggest teaching union. I also think that some belong to Unite.

So sorry that you had to endure this OP. No-one should be expected to stay in a meeting where they are being treated in such an abusive manner. And given that these parents were known to be exactly that, the HT should definitely have been there.

The letter of reprimand is ridiculous, the teacher leaving you to deal with it was appalling, and I really hope you're in the union and can have support to challenge the letter. And you should have been briefed on what to do if they kicked off.

I think all future meetings with these parents should be done via Zoom. They shouldn't be on school premises if they behave like that imo.

And what an example they set their child. It's no wonder the child has got issues.

Don’t feel silly, you handled it better than the head did!

NEU or Unison, but find out which representatives are already at your school.

Being a member of a union is a priority when working in schools it won't cost much but them having your back if you need it is well worth it.

I have a friend who worked at an "outstanding" primary school. She was asked to "take one for the team" and apologise for whatever a parent had complained about. She handed her notice in - your slt need to support you, if they don't now it probably won't get any better unfortunately.

Join the NEU today.

You did nothing wrong and it is outrageous that the head has told the parents you have been ‘reprimanded’. I don’t know what a letter of expectation is- but if it is akin to a disciplinary you need a staff rep to help you appeal that because it is completely undeserved.

Your class teacher should have never left you in the room to cope - completely cowardly. SLT should have been involved form the outset and the meeting stopped the second the parents would not cooperate.

Hi OP. Yes you are being used as the scapegoat. I've worked in schools for over 30 years this meeting was dreadfully poor practice and you should not have been present.
And I agree with other posters get a different job the people in charge of your school aren't able to cope.
And I've met many parents like these angry aggressive people. It's doesn't end well for them. They are teaching their son to be aggressive and that selfish bullying behaviour is good. Guess what? He will turn on them. I've seen it so many times.

Thanks so much. I've found NEU. Does this letter stay on my file forever? The headteacher has told me he's received a few letters of expectation before but the ones on his file haven't affected him getting a job. The use of the word 'file' implies there's some online permanent record of me in the field of education that will be tarnished. This is confusing though because he actually told me that the knowledge of the letter doesn't leave the school. I'm wondering if he's just saying this to make me more comfortable and it actually does go on a permanent record? If so I hope the union can help me to get rid of it. If not, what can they do for me about this other than give me advice? I don't particularly want to start drama as I really need the reference from this school if I get another job.

I think you handled it very well! You set your boundaries and didn’t just let them shout at you, nor were you rude to them. I’m afraid I would have probably lost my job by telling them to fuck off 🫣

Definitely join a union and ask for a meeting with the SLT to discuss why you were not supported in this.

I would find another job with better leadership, not before asking for that to be removed from my file.

Thank you so much for commenting. Can you suggest what I should do? How should I approach the situation with the head and what should I say (if I should say anything)