Grooming?

[Bella1965]

There is something bothering me and would welcome others opinions.
My brother is a bit of a conman, always on the make.

The issue I have is to do with his relationship with an elderly woman who is not connected to any of my family members.
I first heard of her a couple of years ago when said brother gave a Xmas present to my mother from her. I asked who she was and what was he doing with her etc. My mum said she was a woman that my brother looked after, doing her shopping for her but not taking any money from her. I asked my brother if this was true and he confirmed it. Knowing my brother, I asked him if he's in her will, he nodded with a smirk on his face.
Fast forward to the present, I met her for the first time a couple of days ago at a relatives funeral, I did not know who she was but we were seated together at the wake. I asked her how she knew my relative, she said she didn't know him as such but said she knew of him through my brother. I asked her name and how she knew my brother.
This is how the conversation went.
She was a customer of my brother but when her husband died my brother offered to 'help her'.
He offered to bring in her shopping every morning, she said she told him that wasn't necessary but he insisted. He drops off her shopping at 9am every morning, he picks her up at noon and takes her to his work place (he's self employed). She would be there until finishing time and then he would take her home. He also takes her for 'days out' when he's off work.
She has an indeph knowledge of my entire family, in fact, knows more about them than I do!
She is no fan of my brother's wife, whom she has not met. She was saying horrible things about her.
It was all deaply unsettling and creepy.
I cornered my brother and demanded to know what was going on.
He told me he is the woman's carer and her POA.
I have since been doing some digging, I have found out she is very affluent, has no children and one sibling.
I also found out that my brother owns a very large expensive house (brother moved years ago and I didn't know where to) and all of his children have trust funds - not bad for someone who claims to earn £23000 pa.
My first reaction is that he's scamming her, I was also angry at him doing so much for her when he did absolutely nothing for my late mother.
From the conversation that I had with her, my opinion is that she has been groomed for financial gain. This woman has full mental capacity, although she is frail.
Am I right in thinking this woman needs protecting by officials?

No you’re not right

she doesn’t sound too pleasant herself

and if he is looking forward to her will…. he’s certainly giving her a lot of practical support

and how do you know about the trust funds?

You really don’t like your bro do you?! 😆

she has full mental capacity OP

leave her and him be

I don't like him or her but I am the type of person who will stand up for vulnerable people and she is vulnerable. Even people with capacity can be groomed https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/gr/grooming/

Being older doesn’t make automatically make somebody vulnerable. It sounds like a mutually beneficial arrangement: she has somebody caring for her, providing her with a significant amount of daily company and transportation, and helping her with day to day tasks, in the absence of any family to do that for her; and in return your brother is being paid. If he wasn’t doing this then she’d have to pay a professional carer or support worker otherwise. The fact that you don’t like your brother doesn’t make the arrangement a scam.

he’s doing a lot for her
they've known each other for years
he’s in her will she has no children
you hate him and this make you as jealous as hell

back off with your “helping vulnerable people” twaddle

If he has POA you could report any concerns to the office of the public guardian, or contact Age UK for general advice if you suspect financial abuse. If its above board and she's fine she will no doubt explain that and all will be well.

He's struck gold to be honest. If it's okay with her then it's none of your business.

he spends every single day with her
she has no family
they will have built up a genuine relationship over the years inevitably

he does a lot for her

Age concern would see a man who takes a woman out every single day for years, keeps her company, transports her around and the lady in quesito. has full mental capacity

they won’t be worried

This

But also I hope he doesn't cry too hard when he gets bumped

It sounds like a strange relationship. I honestly thought you were going to say he was sleeping with her (sorry if that’s horribly wrong). It’s odd that she would sit in his workplace and wait . Nonetheless he appears to dedicate an enormous amount of his to day to her. If this continues for years then he might deserve the will. It doesn’t sound like she has any other close family who is being written out of favour of him.

do you have any other reason rk be concerned OP? Is he forcing her to buy things she can’t afford, or restricting her ability to go out with other people or pressuring her to buy expensive gifts beyond her budget? If not and it’s solely about the will or a small payment then it’s a fine arrangement and might suit them both. Remember that he may not get anything. She may go into care, live for years and burn through the money.

There's a 30 year age gap so I certainly hope he's not sleeping with someone in her 80s,but who knows. This woman was a customer, they had no real communication until her husband died and she held the wake at his restaurant. He approached her with the offer of helping her - don't tell me that isn't weird.
He spends most of the day with her, always in his sight - that's weird - he's got a wife and four kids and that don't get that much attention.
He has kept this relationship away from family
He makes her think she is part of the family.
He is secretive in terms of being with her.
He is living beyond his means

My brother has conned many people, some losing their businesses because of his theft.

She does have family, she has a sibling and niece/nephew

It may well be a bit weird. But weird isn’t criminal and whether there’s a power imbalance or coercion or a con going on isn’t apparent. On the face of it, it seems like she’s getting a rather good deal - a lonely older woman with no local family / family who want to help her has found a much younger man keen to do her daily shopping for her, drive her about, spend afternoons with her, take her on day trips every week, and in return she avoids having professional carers and instead pays him money that she doesn’t have much family to leave to.

You've been advised to report if you have genuine concerns, but bear in mind that older doesn’t automatically equal being taken advantage of.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/financial-abuse/

You could consider getting advice from Age uk. Or the safeguarding team at your local social services

A neighbour offered to give my elderly aunt a few lifts. No one in the family thought too much of it - it wasn't unusual for us to do that for neighbours, and Aunty used to give lifts to neighbours when she was younger. Aunty had no children.

Then another neighbour died and it turned out she'd left her house to the chap who'd been giving the lifts...

Aunty died. The neighbour appeared at the house and complained to my cousin (who used to take Aunty to appointments and was her POA) that Aunty had not left her house to him.

Report to Public Guardian, SS and anyone else who will listen. Your brother is a conman, you know this

He's keeping this from his family and yet she was at a family funeral???

How did you not know he had an expensive house saying he moved years ago but you didn't know where. But you seem to know all about the trust funds he's left his children and everything you say he has done to others but somehow didn't know where he lived ?
He also has a wife and children so you didn't know where they lived either?

Yes she turned up but not with him and he didn't speak to her or acknowledge her in any way.

Well he introduced them
and obviously told her about it

Correct, he never invited any family to his house, he never brought his kids to visit my late parents. Although there was no falling out, our lives rarely crossed.
I knew the town he lived in but only needed to know his address when dealing with the estate. I know about the trust funds via another sibling, who told me to keep my mouth shut regarding the woman as my brother might share the money he gets from the will. Each child has £10k.

Yes he is. I guess I'm looking at it from the perspective of two woman:same age, one is a stranger the other is his mother. The later has a state pension and no savings, the former has lots of money.
Who gets his attention, who gets their shopping done for them, who gets picked up and taken to places. It's wasn't his mother!
He was nowhere to be seen when mum needed care.

What?
She had never met him