to point out advantages of Uni to nephew?

[cosmobrown]

My BIL did not go to uni. They live in the same place he grew up in, and he is generally not well travelled.

Nephew is just taking A levels and taking a gap year next year.
When I last spoke to N, he was full of plans to go travelling and then go to Uni.
Now, he has gone off Uni and I'm pretty sure it's because BIL wants him to live the life he did. He's gone to the same school as his dad, lives round the corner from his dad's childhood home, doesn't have any hobbies (like his Dad).
When you try and talk to him his parents answer for him if they are close by.
AIBU to chat with N and point out some of the good points about Uni? They are well off financially, (but BIL is pretty tight I have to say) so affording it would not be a problem.
I just think it's a great life opportunity to live independently, meet new people, manage your own money etc and earn a degree along the way.
Or should I just butt out?
What would you do?

Can you offer to have him stay with you for a week or so in the summer? Let him explore your area and what living in a different area is like. Fill the trip with things he may not have done before a but of cultural capital if they don't do much, nice meal out, theatre, student esque gig at a music venue / comedy night / poetry reading.

Visit the nearby uni campus, our local one has several facilities open to the public and being on site might help him visualise his future a bit better.

There are good points but its not the only option and certainly not always the best option, are you sure it's not a well-thought through decision?

I often find it more the other way round that people automatically go to uni and it not really being the best choice for their career path as well as a number of other reasons.

They are well off financially, (but BIL is pretty tight I have to say) so affording it would not be a problem.

Uni is sooooo expensive. You need supportive parents if you don't get a full loan - and even if you do get full maintenance loan, in both cases, some kind of part-time job.

If he has well-off parents who are not supportive, he is relying only on a job to get him through. How does he feel about that?

What does he want to do with his life?

Uni isn't the be all and end all.

I imagine after a year of travelling, he will have had some space from his family and will have changed his mind or be more resolute about lots of things.

You could offer your advice but also bear in mind the cost implications of going to uni if his heart isn't really in it. It's a lot of debt to be burdened with, particularly if he doesn't do a degree that has good prospects at the end of it.

Degree apprenticeships are also a great often, many also require you to live away from home whilst earning and learning at the same time. You miss out on the student social side but not everyone's into that anyway.

You need to talk to him about both pros and cons. It’s pointless doing it for the sake of it, such a lot of debt. Better he thinks what sort of job he’d like and work backwards. There’s plenty of other options like apprenticeships or other qualifications which could be more suitable.

Yes I’d agree with this. Uni is one option but not necessarily the best option in every case.

You can experience all of living independently, meeting new people and managing your own money without going to uni.

I went to university myself but wouldn’t necessarily want my own children to take that route, depending on their career aspirations.

Uni is a great place for life experiences but not necessarily the best long-term career path depending on what your Nephew wants to do. It definitely isn't the be all and end all. If life experience is the the priority, I'd be encouraging his travel plans more than anything.

Once he gets out and sees a bit of he world he's likely to develop a wider view than his dad's and it might spark some other ambitions that he hadn't considered before. Then it's about you being an encouraging influence to make sure he can build on that and not be dragged down again.

On the other hand, he might want a "small" life where he lives in the same area, doesn't travel or experience much. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as it's what you really want and it's not because it's forced on you.

What's your nephew's stance on traveling? Does he still want to travel?

To be honest, if you're going to push for your nephew to do something culturally expansive, enriching and independence-making, I'd try to nudge him into traveling more than university.

Is he still planning to travel? I would focus on encouraging the travelling. This will get him out in the world and experiencing life beyond his small bubble. But no, I don't think you'd be amiss to point out the advantages of uni and of travelling. I think it's a wonderful opportunity to live independently and make friends. But I think he needs to go when he knows what he wants to do and where. If he doesn't know that, a gap year that will get him away from everything he's used to will help him figure out a plan.

Whether it's right for your nephew depends on what he might want to do in the future, surely? I do think uni is an amazing experience that can lead to great opportunities, but it isn't for everyone. How academic is he? Does he know what courses he's interested in? There is no point going if he doesn't really know what path he wants to take. If he changes his mind he can always apply later.

My son has a huge student loan but if he hadn't gone to uni he wouldn't have the type of job he has now and he certainly wouldn't be living in the city he is in. I expect my youngest son will go as well, but neither of my children like practical things, they like studying so I think it's right for them.

Travelling sounds like a great idea, also it will allow him time and space to come to his own conclusions about his future whilst having some amazing experiences.

If another adult was influencing my children without my knowledge I'd be pretty pissed off!

I think that you should butt out of things.

I have a child at uni who is having a great time but ime a lot of 18 year olds go to uni for the experience rather than sitting down to consider what they are studying and how it will fit into a career.

I know that a lot of careers don’t require a specific degree but having read stories on here and talking to people irl, people often regret the subject that they picked but are financially restricted from returning to study.

A gap year is a good idea for many. It can provide a break from exams and studying and therefore feel more fresh going to degree study or a good chance to learn new skills at work and meet new people. I would encourage the travel side though. It might make him feel like going away to uni will be an adventure or cement his feelings that work is best for his future.

How would you feel if your brother went behind your back and offered your child unsolicited advice?

Uni is literally a waste of time unless you are going into a field where you actually need a Degree. If he wants to be a Doctor, Engineer, Vet, whatever, then yes. But the days of Mickey Mouse Degrees in Underwater Basket Weaving are over. Your average plumber will out earn virtually every Degree holder outside of the above.

I would be very careful about broaching this subject.

Times have changed, Degrees are not held in the same esteem that they once were.

Is he still planning to travel? I'd have thought that was also a pretty good way to gain independence, manage his own money and meet new people.

"Going away" to university (as opposed to just getting a degree) is fast becoming a luxury. An awful lot of young people are going off it. I wouldn't assume that your brother is the key influencer; your nephew is as likely (or more likely) to be influenced by school, peers, social media.

I think Uni is becoming a bit outdated. At DC's school, the most academic kids are shunning Uni in favour of degree apprenticeships - they have kids going off to Goldman Sachs, KPMG etc. If you want to be a doctor/vet etc then yes, you need to go obviously, but I look at the degree apprenticeships my employer offers (banking) and they get a starting salary of £35k, lived work experience, a degree paid for them (so no student debt) and a guaranteed job at the end of it. I went to Uni and it was great for me, but I didn't have tuition fees to fund., there were also no online lectures, no strikes and student accommodation was vaguely affordable.

I'll be advising my own DC to look very carefully at degree apprenticeships, although the top names are very competitive to get into.

Well, you can point them out to him if you want to but you should also point out the advantages of not going too.

Looking back, I should never have moved away to uni. I'm still paying the student loans now I'm in my 40s and I don't think the uni experience was worth it tbh. I'm seeing a lot of my 6th form students commute to uni or (increasingly) getting a level 4/5 apprenticeship. One of them will be paid £22,000 per year to train as a social worker, plus her degree is paid for, plus she is contracted to the LA afterwards.
Also I don't think there's anything wrong with a gap year and taking some time to think about what you want, it definitely doesn't have to be uni.

I went to university in 1995, and even then - before the days of "everybody should have a degree" - my maths degree was only useful in opening the doors for my first couple of jobs. These days, there are so many routes into every career that an extra three years on the job is infinitely more useful to many employers than ticking the box of "a degree".

Even in tech, when I'm hiring I'll take three years of experience over a degree any day of the week. With a graduate developer, the first year is just teaching them (over and over again) to forget everything they were taught at university.

So...I'd say butt out. It's their business, and opting not to go tens of thousands into debt for a piece of paper of questionable value is absolutely a valid choice.

Thanks everyone. Interesting replies.
I suppose I'm essentially worried that his parents are actively telling him NOT to go to uni, but to stay in their town, like BIL did.
I really hope he will go travelling and see a bit of the world/meet new people.
I won't go out of my way to persuade him to go to uni, but will tell him about the benefits of doing what HE wants to do rather than what his dad wants him to do. I can be a supportive Aunty and make sure he has a balanced view on his options. Surely that's not being too intrusive?

I think what you propose is exactly what Aunties are supposed to do, offer an adult opinion/experience that might not be exactly the same as the childs parents.

University is not just about a qualification, its about learning how to learn, learning how to be independent, how to navigate more adult relationships and so much more.

It isn't the only way of doing this, by any means but it is one of the options and I certainly think that this is a time kids should be learning that their parents 'way' is not the only way.

If you are close to the child, spend time together, surely these things have come up naturally in conversation when you are chatting to him?

If you are not close, only meet when with his parents, then its a bit weird to rock up and start giving him life advice out of the blue.

I will add to this that if you put figures into a salary calculator and tick plan 2 for the student loan you can see how little they do pay back monthly and increase the salary and watch the amounts rise a bit. I think this part is key to understanding the tuition fee/maintenance loan part. The new loan coming in will go for longer than the current one but at a lesser interest rate I believe.

Check out the level of maintenance loan he would get based on his household income if you or he know that, Save The Student has some good tables on it. We topped Ds up to full loan and even in private halls of residence for 2nd and 3rd years he still had plenty of money so much so he managed to save some and put it into his LISA.

My friend discouraged her own DD from going to uni as she just saw it as debt, but doesn't view a mortgage as debt. Martin Lewis wants this reclassified as student tax. Her DD wanted to be a teacher so needed that degree, now she works in hospitality.

I think there are benefits to doing a degree. I never used my degree in a professional field but I do feel like I was given jobs based on my level of education. It is a great experience and hopefully his degree would lead to a graduate job.

Graduate salaries are still on average markedly higher than non-graduaate salaries and graduates are more likely to be in high-skilled work. It is not sensible to judge work only on raw salary - poor work benefits such as no pension or no sick pay makes some jobs more risky or more costly over a lifetime. You have to look at jobs in the round.